“Did he buy you a new purse?”
“No”
“Did he buy you some shoes?”
“No”
“Then he must have taken you out to some super exclusive restaurant. Five stars … right?”
“No girl!”
“Then how can you say he loves you???”
“Uh … cause he’s caring, affectionate, and shows me he loves me!”
“Please … that n***a ain’t spending money … he’s don’t love you”
Defining Love Beyond Material Gestures
To this second girl in this scenario who is trying to make this special and lucky woman feel unhappy … kindly kill yourself.
It personally pains me when the small percentage of good, “I’m going to treat my woman right“, loving, and caring (Black) men out here are discredited because they can’t or don’t spend copious amounts of money on their girlfriends.
Valid Reasons for Financial Constraints
Junior talked about it before and I have to throw in my two cents.
Now, I must clarify. I’m not talking about the no-good boyfriend who just doesn’t do anything (I can’t tell them to kill themselves … but a flesh wound might be in order) because they are cancer and discredit to us, good black men. They put a sour taste in the mouths of good women and contribute to the overwhelming number of no-good bucketheads and golddiggers who are scorned, spending their lives trying to ‘balance the universe’. However, these men are not the victims I am talking about.”
Importance of Thoughtful Gestures in Relationships
Who I am talking about is that loving, caring, and compassionate brother who, for some reason or another, just can’t afford to buy you Louis Vuton purses every month or take you out to Ruth Chris’ every other week. He loves you and spends his time and effort to let you know it … but the money just isn’t there.
Overcoming Societal Pressures and Stereotypes
Now … there are plenty of valid reasons that he can’t spend copious amounts of money even though his love is genuine:
- He ain’t got it
Just cause he’s broke doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He was probably broke when you started dating, so why do you expect different? If he wasn’t and now he is … then stop being a shallow b* and hold him down. - He’s got obligations
A mortgage, car note, school loans, child support … whatever. In this case, he has money … it’s just that he has a significant amount of obligations. The poor guy probably overextended himself in the past and is now trying to get his life right. - He’s saving up for something
A future house, going off to school, or maybe he’s about to start a business. There are a lot of valid reasons why he might need to save his money. - He’s fiscally conservative
Now, this is a huge issue with so many females. It’s a damn shame how many poor guys have been unfairly labeled as ‘cheap’. If he spends money on himself (new shoes every week, shopping sprees, etc.) and claims he doesn’t spend a lot of money, then that’s an issue. However, if he is someone who just doesn’t spend money loosely, don’t fault the guy. I can’t stand women who feel that being careful about where your money goes is a negative — that’s pure bullsh*t!
Conclusion
With all that being said, a guy should be showing his woman that she is loved (just like she needs to do for him). If he doesn’t have money to spend, thoughtful low-cost dates, plenty of time, words of concern, and random acts of thoughtfulness are all in order … but please please don’t let money be an indicator of love. Love is so much deeper than greenbacks or the willingness to go into debt over someone.
Love is deeper people. Don’t cheapen it.
![[Webisode] BlogXilla’s Friends With Benefits: Putting Effort In Your Relationship (Featuring @JoeBudden)](https://singleblackmale.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Screen-shot-2013-01-15-at-1.53.27-PM.png)
So I left a comment but it didn't show up.
I wonder why.
Soooo…basically I've been in both types of relationships.
They're both pretty tough sometimes I kinda wonder if I really deserve such good treatment.
Then I remember.
Anyways, as I was saying I'll be there for you if you don't have I ain't leaving…
But sadly…I can learning I can have whatever I like…yep I can have whatever I like. 🙂
Right now I would like my chicken wings
Whew! I feel so good and how was you guys weekend?
Very well said SBM… I have no cents to add on this one.
Hey JAC! Weekend was pretty good. THANKFULLY, no one came over this weekend to stay. But I did have that baby overnight… girl, she wore me out. She's only five months… She was back at mom's house RIGHT after church.
Who needs a $15.00 co pay???? That was enough birth control for me! 🙂
I concur SBM. My BF and I definitely treat each other with plenty of love and we share the financial aspects of our relationships. Sometimes he pays for our dates (most of the time he does) and other times I cover them (especially when I know his funds are alittle tight). It's about holding each other down. If I have money, my man is not broke. And if he has money… neither am I.
First of all I gotta give you props SBM. This is very well written and super funny. And I wasn't gonna even comment because I got tons of work to do for my trip to new mexico next week.
But then I read something about "Balance the Universe" and I just felt COMPELLED to comment. Cause i love balance and I love the universe. Thusly this phrase is taken way out of context. LOL
In my opinion SOME of us women get a bad rap. I've never ever ever in my life requested a man buy me anything. Its not my style. I like nice things so if there is a LV, Prada, Jimmy, chole shoe or handbag missing from my life and Im going through withdrawals, I will BUY IT. I'm also equally a woman of simple pleasures. The same way a red bottom shoe might do me, I also get warm and fuzzy over a 12 dollar orchid or a bouquet of tulips.
The sweetest gesture I've ever gotten from a man was a simple one. But like anybody else I appreciate gestures. If a man that I am actively dating sees my house and how it always has fresh flowers or that i dig the farmer's market. Then must he ever be puzzled about what I like. He will be judged a against a man I am dating actively who picks up a bouquet when I AM MAKING HIS @ZZ dinner. thats just how it is.
to me outside of even liking me. Baring a gift is good etiquette when coming to someone's home to eat. I would never go somewhere like a dinner party and just bring MYSELF. No, im bringing wine or dessert or flowers. SOMETHING. Its the same for a man. if your doing a special gesture for HIM. He better at least have some dam@n Kool aid packets in his pocket when he gets to the door.
and yes I SBM i KNOW you and ANTI will say that you have no problem bearing little gifts like flowers etc. But thats a lie, because MOST men aren't even wooing women with simple gestures anymore. So all that fiscal hooplah is more fairy dust.
How do you ask the (naysayer)woman to kill herself but not the (cancerous, discredit to good BM, sour taste putting, and contributing to the number of bucketheads and gold diggers) man?
Isun I concur 100% (while on the verge of losing job because im late for work again)
But nobody says nothing to the men!
Nicki on a side note before we get in trouble for being off topic, I totally feel you about "co-payments" I had a 7 year old yesterday and she was in the store touching EVERYTHING. Then I told her at the restaurant to finish coloring the pig so we could enter into a bike contest, this lil chick said oh I don't want a bike, I said ok what about the free meal? she was like oh I won't be coming back here to eat anyways!
omg these lil ungrateful @#$$#!@
I am good on kids for a HAWT decade!
I concur wholeheartedly. Expecting a man to furnish you with all those things in exchange for a relationship smacks of prostitution to me. If he can do it, great, if not, fine. THOUGHTFULNESS is what's important.
@Mik: Wow, they make you want to slap em. And please don't let me even get on my two little cousins, 5 and 6, who want EVERYTHING that comes on television. The six year old told me she wanted me to do her hair like Hanna Montana… uh, no sweetie, you are black!!!!
See goes back to the tricking and simping articles. If a man just blatantly doesn't have it then he's a poor bastard and can't attract her attention (Lil' Wayne got people's heads all messed up). And if he does have it and doesn't spend it then he's a cheap mofo, what's wrong with our world.
-J.M.
Back to the subject, yeah, I notice that the no good boyfriend wasn't told to kill himself…..
Anyway, men need to be aware of the women they choose to get in a relationship before they get into one with her. I'm pretty sure the "princess syndrome" is shown before you become exclusive.
Good Morning Everyone,
I have noticed that some women interpret love differently. I have met women that see love when a man is suppportive and has her back. I have also met women that think a man loves them when he spends money on them and spoils them. I think problems occur when you see love one way. If a man sacrifices and goes out of his way for you does he love you? Or does he love you when spoils you and keeps your head in the clouds?
@Nicki Sunshine
"Anyway, men need to be aware of the women they choose to get in a relationship before they get into one with her. I’m pretty sure the “princess syndrome” is shown before you become exclusive."
Yes it is shown you just have to have the ability to notice it. A lot of men don't notice it because she may have other positive traits. I saw it in my last relationship but I overlooked it because I felt she was better than how she behaved. It wasn't that she was better than how she acted but that was who she was.
@Humble: To me, love cannot be interpreted by a man sacrificing and spoils you…..
Love is a sense of being… not so much an emotion because emotions change…
A man sacrificing and spoiling you just depends on his character.. some have it in their character, some don't.
IMHO.
@Humble: "A lot of men don’t notice it because she may have other positive traits."
If a man "chooses" to overlook the fact that a woman is constantly digging in his pockets, then that's his choice. I just think it's wrong to overlook something one minute and then after a while decide that same attribute is not ok anymore.
everyone has different definitions of love, and different ways to show that love. Just cause someone spends money though, does not equal love. That's true across the board.
In our capitalist, free market economy set up, any person that wants to make money can. It's not really hard to earn and spend money. Sure, I could buy a girl a tiffany bracelet. But any guy could.
I'd rather do those "only why so could come up with this" type presents. I was a poor kid, lol, so I was forced to be creative. But best believe, I've come up with some good ones in my day.
You don't have to be rich to show the one you're with that you care about them. A man can spend tons of money on a woman and not love her.
Love is an action. Of course, we love to hear the words "I love you" but the way to show the woman you're with that you love her is to cater to her specific needs. I used this as an example in Junior's post but it bears repeating. If you see my car needs washing, why can't you volunteer to wash it or say here's the dough to get it washed. If you know I love R & B music, why can't you make a "special" CD with songs to remind me of you and the list can go on and on. There are various things you can do to show a woman you love her without breaking the bank.
On the flipside, if the woman that you're catering to wants the LV purse and it's not in your immediate budget, why not save up for it and get it for her birthday or christmas or something and she would appreciate that LV purse from you a whole lot more knowing that you did sacrifice to get it.
good post SBM. I am not so much about the money that a man spends on me but about the little tokens of affection. I often wonder about men who spoil me with gifts. Maybe it's me being overly cautious, but I think that they are trying to cover up something.
gifts from men who arent ballin, or are saving, are more meaningful because it means that they have sacrificed something to get me that gift.
i will, however, need a gift for Christmas, V-day and my bday. I am just big about holidays and i do reciprocate.
I agree with what Humble said. Some people think spending money equals love. My ex was kinda like that to a certain point. He didn't buy me things but he paid all the bills, house, car, lights gas, and whatever I needed. But when I asked him to make dinner because I was to tired, or to bring me some oj when I was sick he couldn't do it. His way of showing love way to take care of the finances when that was cool for a while but it got old real fast.
I think you just have to be on the same page about what you expsect from the other person. I went out on a date with a guy and we had to stop at the gas station, when he came out he had two little plastic pistons arm bands one for me and one for him, while they cost about 50 cents each i was out done because it was the thought that caused him to do that. Point is I think SOME MEN go out of they way when its really only the simple things we need.
When will we look to the bible to define what love is?
I'm calling bullshit on this one…some men are just SELFSIH!!!
They don't care how much love you share and what you do for them, if you equate anything to money then all of a sudden you're a golddigging wh*re.
Some men are just SELFISH!!! They can go out and spend $300 on themselves and then claim that $40 is not in their budget when it comes to you.
I don't get it, I'm not a selfish chic and I will spend my last on the man I love…it pains me that those feelings are not only NOT reciprocated but also cast in a bad light.
I think my stay at this site has run its course.
Later folks.
Teacia, I agree some men are just selfish but like someone said you typically can weed out the selfish vs cheap if you just pay attention in the beginning. The selfish ones get the ole to the left to the left signal. But I can't go calling all men selfish because I think regardless if he is buyin new jordans or me a new outfit its HIS money, just like mine is mine and if I want to buy something for him thats on me. If later I find he isn't returning the gesture or "love" in any way be it, rubbing my back, or runing me bath water, or making dinner but then turns around and always want something from me. then keep it moving pimpin. Or call Tyrone!! and tell him come on help you get cho shat!
There are straight up Gold diggers runnin ramped but thats just a part of the stereo type. Just like the guy who is metro sexual gets labeled gay, it aint right but such is life!
off topic…Eric Benet's cd is OFF THE mutha fykin hook. I was never really a fan. But Got DA$mn. (Hunger, Dont't let Go, Weekend Girl, iminluvwichoo, Still I believe)…tightness. Im over here jammin at my desk.
I think there are a lot of generalizations here. Many women would agree with me that a heartfelt gift every now and then makes you feel special. I don't need a man to buy me an LV every month … if he is doing that (unless he has gobs of money) I would SINCERELY question his spending habits and whether or not he is paying all of his bills on time and taking care of home in general.
These extreme cases, bucketheads, golddiggers, etc., are in the minority. Stop giving them so much attention.
i can't really disagree with anyone here. Everybody has great points. I would totally question a man that I'm in a serious relationship with and never acknowledges I needed an oil change, fight the man battles at the dealership when they tryna give you the okey doke re: whatever. To me a relationship ain;t about everyman/woman for him/herself.
if you;re living with him and he isn't contributing (equitably relative to income) you've got bigger issues.
to me love isn't about who got next? Alot of this stuff should be organic and fluid-anticipated and met.
TheComeback Girl – Eric Benet's new CD has been sitting on my desk for over a month and I haven't listened to it yet. I'll definately check it out now. I'm real late on writing a review for it.
Good Morning folks!
I'm just gonna lurk today. Holla if ya need me.
One thing I've noticed is that while I have never ever asked anyone besides my parents to buy me something I could buy for myself, and then get mad at them afterward under the premise of "you don't love me", I've met more than one woman who has done this to me?
I guess my devotion, love, time, and thoughts aren't good enough if I can't keep u laced of the gifts flowing.
*sigh*
To those of you in that category, grow up, your gonna miss your blessing chasing a dollar.
Comeback I just downloaded the album. I just got my car stereo and ipod for my bday no more DEEZNUTS!!! wooopppy dang my birthday is coming up im gonna be old!
"TheComeback Girl – Eric Benet’s new CD has been sitting on my desk for over a month and I haven’t listened to it yet. I’ll definately check it out now. I’m real late on writing a review for it."
awe Shelia…YOU GOTTA listen TODAY. Somebody sent me the mp3 to "Weekend Girl" and I took a week to listen to it. Then I was like Imma go ahead and get the cd. And It is AMAZING.
Ive never (since Lalah) taken a CD out of my car and bring in to play the same day. Its hottness.
**im up here tryna step with myself to Weekend Girl, let me see if I can squeeze my butt for myself. lol**
Well, well, well…I am hoping that I don't miss my blessing chasing a dollar. I try to be thoughtful enough to keep things balance.
@Comeback-I think I'm ADD too, cause I will totally feed into yours. Have you heard the song "Chocolate Legs"? I need to listen to it.
@Nicki and Humble-Good Morning to both of my loves! Both of you have said some excellent things about the spirit of love and giving.
I am starving kids…let me get this breakfast in, like some others I'll be lurking around today, but keeping tabs.
I love you guys much!
@ Jac yeah Chocolate Legs is nice…slower tempo. That song is too sexay for work.
@ Mik happy bday. you not old. i need to finish your chart.
i got so much work to do. ADD, simmer down please.
@ SBM im sending good thoughts over there.
@Jac: thanks dearie!
@Comeback and Mik: Eric Benet can sang (yes, sang!) his butt off even if he is a jerk (my allegience is with Halle!) LOL. I can't wait to check out that cd!!!!
lol comeback thanks, I got a few weeks yet, but it would be nice if you did finish my chart.
lmao Nicki I am sorry Eric is just to great of a singer to be mad at so my alliance is with him. I mean don't tell me if he cheated on you he couldn't sang his way back in!!!
@ Nicki
I've been doing some "research" LOL and reading wit my 3rd eye. re Halle and Eric (Jaime Foster Brown's Sister to Sister article with his new GF Manuela (prince's ex). And as real as his sex*ual addictions (are) I think people have a way of bringing out your absolute worst or best. I think alot of things surfaced in him that was lurking below. that he needed to deal with.
Manuela isn't scared at all. She detailed that he and her were in and around the same circles. And there was alot of things that were known about the situation. I took this to mean that Halle might been missin a few screws. And when men get wrapped in other's BS they start exhibiting extreme behavior of the same variety–different flavor.
besides and sadly..mental illness is often the invisible…but alcholic and sex8ual addictions are always the known demons that everybody loves to hate. What about the silent mental afflictions.
Neither party in the relationship should be expecting anything. Gifts are not a sign of love. If he slaps you around every now and then, talks down to you, but you get a new bag every week…is that love? (extreme scenario, I know – but we like scenerio's, don't we?)
If you wanna give – good for you. But, don't use that as leverage to say the other person should give too. You give because you want to – if they don't want to – they don't want to, doesn't mean they do not love you. Can't be crying because you give and do not receive – if that's the case, stop giving. My momma bought me everything I ever asked for up until adulthood and I could never give her as much as she has given me – would she say I do not love her? If I did not get what I wanted when I wanted it – could I say she does not love me? No and No. Yea, parents are a diff type of love – but that's what we should be striving for with all our loved ones – unconditional love. If you want gifts to say that that person loves you – you're placing a condition on that love.
I don't love my friends because of what they can do for me and vice versa. Why should it be any different with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
ok, so I will chime in every now and again while lurking *end chime*
@Comeback-I hope your third eye tells you Halle is crazy.
Normal sane men go nuts while with her to me that says that something is wrong…
as long as i dont see him going out to buy a new gaming system every week or whatever for himself then i can accept it if my man isnt spending $ on me and is showing me love in other ways. but if he is out droppin lots of money on himself and cant even pick up the check at ruby tuesday's…
@SBM
"One thing I’ve noticed is that while I have never ever asked anyone besides my parents to buy me something I could buy for myself, and then get mad at them afterward under the premise of “you don’t love me”, I’ve met more than one woman who has done this to me?
I guess my devotion, love, time, and thoughts aren’t good enough if I can’t keep u laced of the gifts flowing.
*sigh*
To those of you in that category, grow up, your gonna miss your blessing chasing a dollar."
Cosign. I've read previous posts and unless i'm wrong it seems that love = small tokens of affection. From my experience men will do those things and not give a damn about you. If that is what you like that is what he will do to get points with you. If a man is not giving of himself i.e. being supportive, spending time, coming out of his comfort zone then in my opinion you can't really say that he loves you.
@Mik: LOL… NOOOO. cheating is the Ultimate with me! 🙂
@Comeback: "And there was alot of things that were known about the situation. I took this to mean that Halle might been missin a few screws."
Why am I over here cracking up???? But seriously… I be thinking (bad grammer!)… what's wrong with her? She is gorgeous, seems to be independent and yet she keeps getting all of these "bad apples." What happened? What is it that we're not seeing????
Jac, I won't say "crazy"…I'll just say her chi could use some balancing. A beautiful woman, with lots of undealt with "junk in the trunk".
@Cuzzo: See, I knew there was a reason I loved u (besides being family). I wholeheartedly agree. Expecting gifts and getting so upset when things don't go your way is wrong. Love with conditions is some bull.
I do think both people should feel loved and appreciated, but when your sole reason for calling it quits is "you didn't buy me something at the mall today" … sounds like a classic case of gold diggeritis.
Sad, Sad & Sad. This topic is a sad one. I say that because there are always 2 sides to every situation. Women love to feel appreciated. They love it! Sometimes it's the thought that you went out and spent your hard earned stack on them. Spending a full stack isn't required, but ya gotta drop a little something. That's how women equate romance.
The other side is us men. We can be focused & selfish at times. Some of us good men do things based on personal long term goals. There are too many peeps out there that are focused on the short term. Rims, kicks, jerseys, Xbox games and ext.
The big issue is the couple – man & woman gotta have a united plan. The guy has to know what it takes to please his woman and make her feel special. The woman needs to realize what limits the brotha has. If some how the 2 can't agree.. then failure is destiny.
OH YEAH.. the friends always flap they gums. That's what they do! Ignore that shyt..lol
@ qb – what's wrong with him buying himself stuff?
If the roles were reversed – woman always shopping, man always picks up the tab for dinner dates – would that be a problem too?
I don't think that because someone treats themselves should mean that they should automatically treat you as well. The dinner dates thing should be equal but it shouldn't have anything to do with what he's already spending on himself.
@Cuzzo
I agree with everything you said. To be honest I see more women that equate love with what a man does for them instead of his integrity, character and so on. When you are as*ed out will he be there? Almost all the dudes that I have seen that spoil their women and are all sweet toward them are wildin the f**k out behind their back. I dont understand how you have relationships based on what someone can do for you.
@Cuzzo there is nothing wrong with him buying himself stuff. it's just that when every time i turn around he has a new game system, a new pair of jordans, a new this a new that, and then every time we do something together i gotta foot the bill cause he doesnt have any money… that gets old real fast. and it's not so much about him not spending money on me i guess as much as it is about him spending all his money on him and then expecting me to do the same
halle is nuts cause she's one of the most beautiful women in the world, and she can't handle it
Eathan you said it well. You just have to have a plan and be on the same page, heck maybe yall both like to splurge on eachother so it balances out.
Also if your dating a women who is used to getting nice things "just cuz" and you come along and say hey I can't buy you something but I can turn off the game to chill with you for a while and she looks at you cross eyed then you have a problem.
Can you blame her for never being told no, or for always dating those dudes who just like to shower her with gifts? You don't have to be mad at her just keep it moving because obviously your not compatible.
One a side note, Eric Benet and the crazy Ms. Berry are way off topic. Don't give me that itchy trigger finger and get the banning going on up in here.
I mean … It's 11:15a. Can we make it to noon at least.
Damn, I knew I needed to take my prescription.
…but i'll be that and GLADLY!
*thinking quietly to myself* good thing i got that NBA player's number at the rally and all…a good thing indeed.
@mikki
"Eathan you said it well. You just have to have a plan and be on the same page, heck maybe yall both like to splurge on eachother so it balances out.
Also if your dating a women who is used to getting nice things “just cuz” and you come along and say hey I can’t buy you something but I can turn off the game to chill with you for a while and she looks at you cross eyed then you have a problem.
Can you blame her for never being told no, or for always dating those dudes who just like to shower her with gifts? You don’t have to be mad at her just keep it moving because obviously your not compatible."
You can't be mad at her. My ex was like this and I had to learn that it was totally not her fault. The problem that I have seen with these type of women is that they don't really know or appreciate when someone is genuine. I could keep your head in the clouds all day that doesn't mean that I love you.
@ SBM – it seems your topics are relevant to someone each day. See, I was just talking to a dude about this yesterday. We just met and he was telling me how he can't stand a woman that begs and a woman that is needy. I told him I will sometimes ask just to see what reaction I get from a guy. One time I was seeing this guy who always seemed to have on a new pair of sneakers every time I saw him. I commented on it, and asked him if he could get me a pair of jordans (just to see what he would say, I don't even wear sneakers like that, let alone jordans) – he said something like I'll see, and I replied, I know that means no – and we laughed about it. No long discussion about why he wouldn't or why he should.
"One a side note, Eric Benet and the crazy Ms. Berry are way off topic"
@ SBM …hmmm…thinking about that…
CALM down. Let me do some free style reiki distance happy healing on you. LOL
@ Humble I disagree. I think some women have already stated that men need to learn how to pick better. I;ve been in relationships where I dropped serious cash and felt like…dam!n let me get this negro some dress socks LOL. I don;t think its really about the THING. Its about the THOUGHT. Like Eathan said women equate the THOUGHT to alot. Its nice to know that you love me. But some of it is just courtesy too. Like coming over a woman's house after she's cooked for you EMPTY HANDED. I judge people who do this who go to dinner parties at other peoples house. ESP. A woman. She should know better.
Its a nicety. Nicities (sp) can be expensive or very inexpensive.
I vote for a second room! not for us but for the two beefers in the hizouse!!
Oh i guess we could use for for eric n hally 2
"The big issue is the couple – man & woman gotta have a united plan. The guy has to know what it takes to please his woman and make her feel special. The woman needs to realize what limits the brotha has. If some how the 2 can't agree.. then failure is destiny."
Eathan–I agree with your whole statement…KNOW THY PARTNER.
It's not about the money honey, but it is about actually having your actions reflect your true feelings and doing it by any means necessary–which equates to catering to that persons needs. For me buying me a LV doesn't equate to love, but for the next woman, it might. Each woman is different.
@Humble and Cuzzo: I think people look at this thing a little one dimensional. You can honestly tell me that if you don't see something that would look nice on your man/woman you wouldn't buy it. I know I do and have, or if they mention they may want something, you don't figure out a way to make that happen, I know I do and have.
So you're honestly trying to tell me that in the midst of them "balling out" that you wouldn't feel a little insulted if they looked at you side-eyed for wanting the same effort on their part…regardless of the dollar amount. This isn't about money, this is about EFFORT and SELFLESSNESS!
I wish people would get over this golddigger thing, wanting to feel like a man can/will take care of your needs doesn't make you a golddigger, it makes you a woman. Hell if my watch is broken or lost and we're at the watch store and you ONLY buy yourself one then I'm going to feel a little like I don't mean sh*t to you, but that's just me…maybe I'm wrong…or maybe I'm a golddigger, but I'm going to go with my gut on this one folks.
…don't worry Mikki, that was my last comment. you can all go about your day peacefully now.
Right Shelia thats what im saying, my ex grew up in a home where it was his dads duty to provide financially and he has carried that burden with him til this day where as me, my mother did everything and didn't have a man to support her financially so thats why I learned to take care of myself, my ex "Taking care of me" wasn't such a big deal because I was raised to do it on my own and what I wanted most wasn't for him to be payin all the bills n buyin purses n things
I don't think he is wrong for being that way I just think he needed to be with a woman that had those same values.
@ qb – gotcha. a person like that seems to have their finances out of wack if they can't even afford dinner for themselves.
KNOW THY PARTNER..i agree Sheila. Thats key. There are some women out there who don't care if you go and lace yourself DOWN and she just gets the benefit of your love and kindness.
Again I say choose women who don't require much. And you'll be straight. Alot of relationship Jane Pitmans still roaming the earth.
lol Teacia lets talk it out nah since ya here. I think you raise some good points and I think I kinda see what you are saying. But if we are at the mall and he buys a new watch because he is "ballin" why does that have to mean he has to buy you something. I feel like I work hard for mine and you should do the same and spend YOUR hard earned money not mine. Now if I offer well thats a whole new thing and its good to offer but to ask and get mad when they say nah "im good" well…….
So Teacia is it safe to say you like the "tailor made" type of dude from I love New York???
I've been on both ends of the spectrum.
My ex was the 'money ain't a thing' type…vacations/perfumes/cars/louis vutton shoes/purses/dinners/ I never had to ask for anything…but what it boiled down to was the fact he was overcompensating for what he lacked and that was honesty.
And on the other hand, I also dated the fiscally conservative type and I knew he had goals for his money and I appreciated him for that. I enjoyed our talks about investing, realestate etc.etc..Although I wasn't lavished with gifts from him, when he did buy me something more of an effort and thought was put into it.
I never look for a man to buy me gifts, especially when it's early on in the relationship. Like the saying goes, "it's the thought that counts".
Man oh man…I need a serious drink.
Eathan…I agree with you big time.
I wanna say this though…if you're with a man or woman that you care about you should be able to overlook little stuff and just give the watch this is not big as opposed to oh say, a $4000 Louis.
Now if you're with a woman whose not about shat then no don't buy anything but if you have someone whose actually got goals in life and trying to accomplish things then a little indulgence every now and again isn't so bad.
I just think on some level we need to learn to share a little and balance.
I never needed or expected a man to spend all that money on me. I always tell the story about how I was with a guy, was on my way to the mall with his sister and didn't have any money. She was like "You let him blah blah and aint get no money"..and This reminds me of how my aunt always asks me does my man buy me stuff
wtf..
All i want is love, support, affection and hot sex on a platter
Mik u my girl and all..but I disagree a little. If her watch is broke and they're at the mall and he's about to drop a g on a tag. And my movado just stopped tickin last night. Then he should at least be like…we should get the battery changed.
I think SOME gesture should be extended.
I agree though that his money is his (at least pre-marriage-then both yours and his becomes ours-by which time she should have things to bring to the table besides baby makin hips)
Mikki: If I'm spending mine on him to do the little things that he appreciates, damn what's a my thank you…some head…i'll pass.
If I know you value my appreciation for you with some hot grits, then grits are what you're going to get and probably some pancakes, eggs and a little sausage just to let you know that I really care. And because I'm also a materialistic chic you're also going to get a pair of slacks, a few polos and nice new windscreen for your bike and so forth.
So again if I need something and you DON'T and you overlook my needs for your wants then holla back.
And Mikki no I don't do b*tch ass negroes like TailorMade. I like my men refined, mature and able to hold their own, but also willing to show me that you appreciate the fact that I slept in the car just so you can finish shopping although I was OBVIOUSLY tired…and yall still think I don't deserve a watch huh…lol.
"Hell if my watch is broken or lost and we're at the watch store and you ONLY buy yourself one then I'm going to feel a little like I don't mean sh*t to you"
Teacia, with this example, you make a good point–goes back to what Eathan was saying "make her feel special" and what Comeback girl said, "I think SOME gesture should be extended."
@ Tea – what I can honestly say is If I choose to buy my boyfriend something, I will do so – whether he asked for it, suggested it, needs it, wants it, or otherwise. However, I will not get on his case if he does not do the same. I made the CHOICE to do it.
No, I would not feel some type of way if we are both shopping and he chooses to spend his money on him – best believe I'm spending mines on me. Acctually, I would say this is about someone being needy and asking (or damn near begging) all the time.
Why does he HAVE to buy you a watch because your's is broken? (there's that expecting thing I was mentioning) How is it about effort? How much effort does it take to swipe a credit card? None. You're equating the selflessness and effort to money – so in the end it is about money.
What about the effort it takes to pick up the phone just to say I love you? Ask you about your day? What about the selflessness it takes to have a whole conversation about you and the crazy b!tch you work with? How your mom is getting on ure nerves or how you feel unappreciated as a single parent? Maybe he always trying to build you up mentally instead of dressing you up physically and masking the hurt. I'm sorry but "stuff" does not make me feel better in the long run. I still have things men have bought me in the past – where are they now? That "stuff" is temporary – love (that feeling) is always hun.
true2me: All i want is love, support, affection and hot sex on a platter
and you're a tribe called quest fan??!?! how are you doing 🙂
im terrible
whyso
Comeback "Fixing a watch" isn't the same and saying damn this mavado is a piece of shit since you ballin how about droppin a grip on me too" Its just not the same thing.
I have turned down gifts that I know didn't come with any strings attached to them just because I just don't feel right unless your my man. I think gift giving is good on both parts but asking and telling? well if i gotta ask you I just don't see us going very far.
yeah humble
A lot of people confuse Love with what someone does for you
I always ask people "do you love them or what they can do for you/have done for you"
there is a big difference with loving someone for them and loving them cause they buy you nice gifts and give you money and take you on trips
Its easy to think you love someone cause of how well they treat you…I always say…get to know a person…
@Teacia
"So you’re honestly trying to tell me that in the midst of them “balling out” that you wouldn’t feel a little insulted if they looked at you side-eyed for wanting the same effort on their part…regardless of the dollar amount. This isn’t about money, this is about EFFORT and SELFLESSNESS!"
I have been through this before. A woman sees me drop $300-$500 on sneakers and wonders where is mine? She tells me if you can spend that on yourself then you can spend it on me. I understand doing nice things for your SO. I think you have to look at the bigger picture. If I didnt buy a gift but I paid to get your car fixed what does that mean I am selfish? If I dont buy a purse but I gave you money for bills does that mean I am selfish? If I pick you up from work and take you to work and you don't stay anywhere near me am I selfish because I don't buy what you want when you want it?
now Im torn about this arguement. I preach self love and self-pampering from the craddle to the grave. But like Jac said BALANCE is key. Even as an only kid I was raised to share. Even when some kids helped themselves PERMENANTLY to my shyt.
I always got it back…maybe not in the form of directly how I got it. But it always comes back.
When you LOVE somebody. What the hell is wrong with showing them with a GESTURE. Whatever you can afford. Im not saying breaking the bank. But As a woman I feel some kind of way lacing my self with mad stuff and then not buy anything for my man???? (a tie, a tree branch outside. SOMETHING). And what if you have kids. I would be hot. Thats wrong.
its all returned. Gestures are returned. When you do it with a open and kind heart. They may not even come from your SO. But I wonder sometimes why bad things happan ALL the fykin time to the same people.
karma perhaps??
its all the same.
Cuzzo I am with you. Selfish and selfless are not one in the same folks. Selfish would be eating the last piece of cake and not asking if I wanted it or getting yourself a glass of water and u know im sitting there eatin the same steak and potato's as you and not offering to get me something too while your up.
Selfless would be calling you at 11pm because you been so busy at work that it was the only time you could call to hear my voice, and then you stayed up til 2am listening to me rant about my crazy boss knowing you had to get up early.
@ Tea – what is this deserve business? We all came into this world alone and no one owes us anything. If you find yourself making an arugment for what you do and what you deserve and they aren't doing it – bounce sista, don't need any migraines.
Matter of fact, me and my dude not even into gift giving. I dont even really like recieving gifts cause gift givers tend to be expecting something in return of greater or = value. I had that with my family
Ive been turned off from it for a while now
First off I guess I need to put this out there…I don't ASK for a damn thing…EVER, but I will express my discontent after a situation ALWAYS.
I never ask a man to do for me, it's not how I role. I usually deal with grown ass men who notice that I may NEED something and OFFER to take care of it.
@Cuzzo: Do I expect certain things, abso-fucking-lutely and I feel no shame in that regards. I expect any dude I'm spreading my legs for to think of me when they're out, especially if I'm right by their side.
I guess we can all just agree to disagree on this one, the key is simply finding a mate who shares the same values and beliefs, and letting go of the pipe dream that love is enough…because love is NEVER enough Cuzzo, and it never has been.
…I do wonder if the value of the gifts matter to you all, what if the watch was only $30?
"300-$500 on sneakers"
sneakers cost 300-500 dollars??????
@ Comeback: "When you LOVE somebody. What the hell is wrong with showing them with a GESTURE. Whatever you can afford. Im not saying breaking the bank. But As a woman I feel some kind of way lacing my self with mad stuff and then not buy anything for my man???? (a tie, a tree branch outside. SOMETHING). And what if you have kids. I would be hot. Thats wrong.
its all returned. Gestures are returned. When you do it with a open and kind heart. They may not even come from your SO. But I wonder sometimes why bad things happan ALL the fykin time to the same people."
There is nothing wrong with showing with a gesture, if that's what you CHOOSE to do – not because the person is like I deserve this cuz I'm your man and I buy you XYZ so you should reciprocate.
And if you CHOOSE to do it with an open and kind heart, you really can't be mad at the person for not doing the same.
Let me put some background behind the obvious back and forth fight here.
On the way to said watch shop, I was told "we can't be together, we're just friends, and we shouldn't have 'relations' anymore"
After this, I no longer felt compelled to buy a new watch for my "good buddy" along with several other reasons I'm not going to discuss?
I'm not asking for any comments, but I want to add that bit of context.
again comeback GESTURES aren't the same as ASKING. A gesture would be "hey boo we are going to cop me a new watch do you need me to fix yours while I am there? I remember you said your was broken"
not the same as damn ninja you went and brought u a watch where the hell is mine??? this sense of entitlement can get a lotta folks in trouble.
And Teacia you seem like you go out of your way for a guy, and while its not tit for tat I think I would have trouble sticking with a dude that even after I cook clean, scrub, suck n fugg and he can't buy me something nice every once in a while or do something nice, it just doesnt always have to be monetary.
"I think gift giving is good on both parts but asking and telling? well if i gotta ask you I just don't see us going very far."
Mikki and you shouldn't have to ask. If you have to ask him to do something for you, then you're right, it's not going to work. It goes for men too. If you have to ask a woman to do something for you all of the time, then you need to re-evaluate your relationship.
Most people will automatically do things to show they care; they don't have to be forced to do it.
'I’m not asking for any comments, but I want to add that bit of context."
thats not fair LOL…ok no comments..
but can you make these "personal posts" at night..so I can read in my fluffy panda sneakers wit some popcorn.
@Humble: "If I didnt buy a gift but I paid to get your car fixed what does that mean I am selfish? If I dont buy a purse but I gave you money for bills does that mean I am selfish? If I pick you up from work and take you to work and you don’t stay anywhere near me am I selfish because I don’t buy what you want when you want it?"
Absolutely not Humble, this would make you a man, you're taking care of my needs…and my needs come before any gift.
I'm with Comeback, I grew up in a household where we shared everything. During college I would split my last $5 buying food for my best friend and I. It's how I role, it's just me. I don't think twice about doing for others. I couldn't tell you the last time I bought something for myself…really. Every dime I've spent on material things over the past 3 months none of it has been for me, so yes I EXPECT the same kind of thoughtfulness by the ones I choose surround myself with, but aagain that's just me.
Moving I shall.
@Cuzzo – Every statement you have made I agree with. If I ever get in another relationship I want a woman that thinks like you. I think that too many people equate being spoiled with being loved. Sometimes that may be the case but I havent seen it. Most dudes that do it are doing it to cover what their dirt. As soon as you speak on something he does or catch him in the wrong he will throw all of that back in your face.
"A lot of people confuse Love with what someone does for you"
True2Me—sadly if the person you're with NEVER ever does anything for you–then their actions don't line up with their words. When most of us say do something for–we're not equating it to just monetary things…I can give plenty of examples–holding the door open, taking out the trash, etc. gestures and actions that line up with what you say you feel.
Action speaks louder than words.
Mik and Cuzzo
the problem is that the GESTURES should be DONE WITHOUT expectation or asking. Thats what kind hearted adults do. If I see my neighbor can't start her car. Am I just gonna be like…girl how you doin. Peace..im rollin to starbucks.
No …im going to say "do you need help" can I call somebody. Those gestures get extended in an relationship or should be. You anticipate and need and you fill it. Without somebdoy even saying "I want".
If man goes to the mall and we live together…and he just dropped mad dough on lots and lots stuff. I think I would feel some kind of way about it.
Its like going grocery shopping and you live or kinda live wit your man…Do you buy ALL the things you like. Or do you get the stuff he likes too.???
@Humble: PREACH!
A lot of the stuff we as men spend money on we do without keeping track or asking to be reciprocated.
Some of the things that seem to "not count":
I bought the plane tickets to see you.
I paid half of your ticket to see me.
I put gas in your car.
I fund every meal, activity, or event when your around.
The list goes on …
And while I never bring this up, as soon as the random ass shiny thing you want isn't purchased, you throw a fit?
It's so cold out here. No appreciation.
…and he still got laid last night and once again this morning.
*sigh*
Right Teacia I feel you thats just YOU, but everybody doesn't return the favor via money or gifts. So if im dropping 100 here and there I better be doing it because i just like you and not because EVENTUALLY YOU BETTER GIVE ME SOMETHING BACK. If at any point you feel that your being treated unfairly just leave because obviously that person doesn't have the same values as you do.
I think I wrote a post on this in reference to this
the emotionally-happy-cash-account (EHCA)
@Teacia: "I’m with Comeback, I grew up in a household where we shared everything. During college I would split my last $5 buying food for my best friend and I. It’s how I role, it’s just me. I don’t think twice about doing for others"
Honey I am the same EXACT way… and have been screwed many a times… including a dude who I was ALWAYS coming out of my pockets for and he never had me the same way. I had to walk away. Some "friends" were the same way… I'd want to go out to eat, my girl wouldn't have it, and I'd have her back…when she did have it, I expected to be reciprocated…. but I had to walk away. I felt like I was being taken advantage of…
@ SBM: lol – y did you go there? take yo ish offline – reminding me of facebook.
SBM went from "in a relationship" (heart) to "single" (broken heart). lol
@ Tea: No, the monetary value does not matter. re: that effort and selflessness stuff I was talking about b4.
If you expect something, you're just going to be disappointed. Do not expect things just because you've received it in the past from anyone you've "spread your legs for".
"A lot of the stuff we as men spend money on we do without keeping track or asking to be reciprocated. "
i like the list though…not that you're keeping track.
My mouth is wide open…
And I'm about to get in trouble over this blog.
SBM summed this up rather succinctly. If a man is just frugal, well, maybe that’s just his way. If he is always buying things for himself, he obviously has disposable income, and you would assume if a woman meant anything to him, he would have no problem buying a token of appreciation.
If a man with means never buys his woman anything, I’d definitely question where his heart lies. And it certainly doesn’t make a woman a golddigger for asking her man for gifts. But a lot of women go to the extreme and believe she is entitled to gifts from a man. It’s like they don’t realize that a man’s money is his to give, not hers to take. A gift demanded is not a gift.
I’m not exactly sure how buying things equate to love anyway. If a man who makes $90,000 annually is buying you Louis Vutton, but he is also buying Prada for his girl on the side, how does that prove he loves you? If he has money, spending it means nothing to him compared to a man who isn't as financially stable, so that can’t possibly demonstrate his love.
"If you expect something, you’re just going to be disappointed. Do not expect things just because you’ve received it in the past from anyone you’ve “spread your legs for”."
I disagree here again…Relationships are IMPLIED contracts. Even if the contract is to have NO EXPECTATIONS. Its STILL implied and VERY MUCH A CONTRACT and if EXPECTATION happens or additional breaches. Dissolution occurs.
Teacia luv now your gonna have to break this down for me because in post #66 you said a dude giving you "head" isn't enough for you making grits n eggs n buyin polo shirts, But now your saying that opening your legs should equal him buying you stuff? isn't that kinda the same thing?
@Comeback
"sneakers cost 300-500 dollars??????"
Yes, some of the sneakers I wear cost $300-$500.
@ SBM – you need to start beginning the posts with: So, this is what happened with Tea…
this is why u don't shit where you eat.
lmao Cuzzo you aren't lyin.
and lmao at comeback for pointing out that SBM still had a "list"
I think we all have list but its really not right to throw stuff up in peoples faces. If i get to that point imma just have to bounce period
Cuzzo: I've been trying to avoid calling you a hypocrite, but you're obviously just taking sides.
You are the very same person who a few posts back who talked about it being expected that a man takes care of a woman's needs. You were on the bandwagon, so I'm just going to leave it at speculation as to your SUDDEN departure from your original stance.
@ Fungke – for real though. I told him about that.
Fung ke hey girlfriend!! lemmie tell you about my hair nah, A few months ago I fried a couple edges and now there is a piece of hair thats burnt to a crisp! Should I just cut that hair off its about a half inch and its driving me zonkers everytime i curl it and its so mangled n crunchy sorry im off topic but I had to ask while she was here lol.
"As the Blog Turns" is starting to take a turn CBG cant handle right now
***bows out to do some work***
***turns up Eric*** "thats all Im sayin…oooooh girl lets stop playin"…
@ Mikki: yup, girl, cut it off! it's already damaged! and turn that hot curler/iron to a lower heating setting.
Ok thanks girl I was wondering! btw my hair looks really good, I am going to do the "Switch" this week from the sulu to the vajay jay cream and see how that works for a month or 2
SBM – good list. Sounds like there's a lack of communication going on and some things need to be discussed so both parties would be on the same page.
The "list" I can get from any man.
Why did I buy 20 inch rims do you ask?!?!?…because I like shiny things!
…so sue me.
If you know the type of chic I am BEFORE approaching me and it's not your speed, then don't approach me. Don't ATTEMPT to change lanes and be something you're not just to have me on your arms.
In the future please stay in your lane if you can't keep up.
@ mikki AKA AnitraClark LOL @ vajayjay cream! Well I'm glad I could help with your hair! There's nothing like having it healthier and seeing the growth right in front of your eyes!
Right now I'm contemplating cutting off about 3-5 inches, but I'm not to sure yet.
@ Tea – If you are refering to the dude who WANTS to buy his woman something just because…not, the same thing. We were talking about the dude being labeled a trick or a simp or something like that. All in all – people should do what they want to do, not what they feel obligated to do or do because someone thinks they deserve it.
but, u said it earlier. we'll agree to disagree. 🙂
I've agreed with you on some points in the past and I've agreed with him – no sides here.
@Cuzzo: you're absolutely right, which is why i date men who enjoy spending money as much as i enjoy being a recipient.
…eh, to each his own.
And to put the blog family at ease, SBM and I are fine…we just disagree on this, but we always have, so this isn't anything new. It was fun while it lasted. 🙂
Good Morning SBM folks,
I agree with you SBM, love is not based on how much he spends on me. Now occasionally he can buy a few things here and there, but its not mandatory. I am a simple girl, so I don't want purses and shoes, and fancy dinners. If you do want to spend money ask me what I need.(tuition,books,etc.)
I know girls that are like this, and there are plenty of men who don't mind doing it. I hate to say this but I kind of think sometimes that when women REQUIRE money to be spent, they tend to relate it back to the fact they have been giving up the ass.( Which is choice) You can't get mad if he don't pay for the p*ssy.(HA!)
On the other hand there are women that are just accustom to this type of treatment. If this is the case, this is something you have to find out before getting serious with them. You can't get upset with them for that. If you aren't able to keep up with their request then roll on to someone who will appreciate you time, energy,and effort. But don't knock her for knowing what she wants.
Thoughtful low cost dates, plenty of time, words of concern, and random acts of thoughtfulness are all in order…this is what matters most to me.
well fungke I don't know how long your hair is send me a picture!!!
Thats great Teacia but in the future (SBM) can we please not be the source for yall disagreements. I personally would hate to be in the middle of an argument about religion, kids, or inlaws in the future…
I'm just sayin…
Does anybody know how long your suppose to charge an ipod when your first get it? this joker been on the doc since 9ish and it still don't work! Id rather have a battery, matter fact if this thing dont start workin in the next hour its going back to target.
@mikki: check your work email!
@SBM
"A lot of the stuff we as men spend money on we do without keeping track or asking to be reciprocated.
Some of the things that seem to “not count”:
I bought the plane tickets to see you.
I paid half of your ticket to see me.
I put gas in your car.
I fund every meal, activity, or event when your around.
The list goes on …
And while I never bring this up, as soon as the random ass shiny thing you want isn’t purchased, you throw a fit?
It’s so cold out here. No appreciation."
This topic hits home for me today. I accept but still dont understand this way of thinking. Me and my ex broke up over me not doing the little things. I just dont understand that. So me taking off of work to take her to the hospital and pick her up from the hospital for surgery was nothing? Handling her business as far as bills and pay checks and so on while she was at school for the summer was nothing? I dont get it. Your SO may show how they love you but you have to look at the relationship as a whole and not have tunnel vision to see it.
"If you know the type of chic I am BEFORE approaching me and it's not your speed, then don't approach me."
Teacia–true. It's hard to be mad at someone if you know how they are.
This is one of those topics where you would have to agree to disagree. You can't change what a person is accustomed to and the person can't change what the other person is not accustomed to.
omg Fungke!! geezuz!! how the flip n flop did u do that!! I got a longgggggggggggggggggggggg way to go lol.
@ Tea: "And to put the blog family at ease, SBM and I are fine…we just disagree on this, but we always have, so this isn’t anything new. It was fun while it lasted."
I sent you an email that you can ignore…lol.
@ Mikki – send me an email about what you are doing to get the improvements you've been seeing with your hair so far: anissawyre@yahoo.com
I bought the cream that fungke mentioned in her blog but have not been using it consistantly – so, yea I can't report anything yet.
@Cuzzo! Now I can't put a name to the posts on my blog! Gabba, Gabba? lol!
@Mikki~ Girl, I just let it grow till I can't deal with it any more!
Took me forever to scan the comments.. IMHO:
1. you do things because you want to for people not because you expect to receive anything back
2. People always show you who they really are in the end. Better to find out now than later
3. Once you are used to a certain way of being treated it is impossible sometimes to go back to something totally different but sometimes its worth it
4. All business should stay private
5. Large item gifts are usually reserved for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries or special occassions.
SMALL GESTURES that come from the HEART are always WELCOMED. BUt things that are done due to pressure from the other is well. JUST WACK!
Cuzzo check mail!!
fungke I think 3 inches will do you just fine lol. Im in the mirror lookin at my hair like yea uhhhh my lil progress aint nothin!! But I love your hair its fabulous one day that will be me!
"4. All business should stay private"
i agree this blog fodder is not whats hot. im all for love. and I think it can come where it comes. People meet and fall in love at work, but I;d just prefer to read about it when the stakes ain't so high and then low…and then high again. …the emotional roller coasters , not so much..easy on the slopes.
Yea and I feel like we having to take sides vs just having a regular discussion. I like you both and I would hate to have to buy one person a candle from the dollar store and the other one from the yankee candle store, just because I sided with one better than the other (Being sarcastic) but yall get the point cut that out!!
SBM its your blog n all but yall personal debates have got to stop on here, its just not fair to the fam…
my 2 cents
actually the whole he said/she said…would be really cute..if I knew errybody's @zz was together and happy at the end of the day. And nothin posted which could be hurtful or out of spite.
@mikki: progress is progress…that's all that matters, so keep up the good work!
"I would hate to have to buy one person a candle from the dollar store and the other one from the yankee candle"
please don't NEVER not ever buy my @zz a candle. LOL thank you. Namaste
Comeback so your saying as long as we keep out the F u's and I hate your stinking guts we good?
bet
"Comeback so your saying as long as we keep out the F u’s and I hate your stinking guts we good?"
yeah and how knobs were slobbed and ridden..
Whats wrong with candles! they are so universal and the smell good ones are the bomb!
I can't personally guarantee the slobbing of knobs are kept out. I am not responsible for that lol.
"Once you are used to a certain way of being treated it is impossible sometimes to go back to something totally different"
I dont understand this way of thinking. My parents bought my clothes for almost half of my life I dont expect it now. I've had women cook for me and buy me things which was cool but I dont look for that in every woman. I never could understand this way of thinking. Does it apply to bad things too? If you are use to having someone insult you do you always seek someone that insults you?
@humble: sir you are very literal. I said it is HARD doesnt mean it isnt doable or that you can alter your way of thinking for the right one. BUT IT IS HARD..
"If you are use to having someone insult you do you always seek someone that insults you?"
No, but it may be that you now think that most things men are say are insults. you might become more sensitive or better yet desensitized because you were so used to the pattern of behavior in the other person.
also if i'm used to someone beating my ass i might just think the next boyfriend when he raises his hand to wipe his brow might just slap the shat out of me.. so its HARD to get over what you are used to but you CAN .. MR HUMBLE
Yea Jolie its just out of habit. I know one girl who was physically abused by her man, she left him but she didn't leave him for a man that was "better" he didn't beat her but he wasn't doing right by her either. She may have looked at it as a step up from the norm.
Which i guess that means what one women expect can't always hold true for another so you have to approach each situation as "new" but im guessin thats another topic for another day huh
Mik aromatherapy is almost more important than feng shui imo…and so dollar store/yankee candles are not the business.
@ Humble…You don't take NO tea for the fever huh??? When out..would you ever feel compelled to be like ..hey my lady likes gum, maybe I'll buy her some…and you buy it? do have you ever or would you ever see something that you think she might like and get it.
Are you keeping some type of scoreboard in your basement on who did what when and how often?
to me the objective is making people happy. that could be material. That could be an inspirational word. It could be a phone call. It could be sitting on the back porch drinking cheap liqour (but not so much LOL).
its alot of reciprocated things. But grown ups don't sit around and keep tally like…last week she took my mama out for tea and a sandwich. So I'll get her mama a donut after church…its not that. Its that unspoken thing thats organic and happens.
"Its that unspoken thing thats organic and happens."
PREACH .. and thats when it is appreciated the MOST
funny how i show up for the day and everyone is gone 🙁
I'm not gone lie I keep a "mental tab" So if at any point in time where the score board starts to lookin uneven I call the team in for a huddle like "yea we need a new game plan" And if anybody yells out aye yall we are screwed then I simply pack my bucket of gatorade and roll out!!!
I know that im not the only one who keeps a mental score card please say it aint so!!
Even tho I am keeping mental tabs I don't personally go out blurting obscenities like ninja I slobbed your knob last night I better get my watch!!
i'm in agreement with humble and comeback's view and anyone who came within a range of those.
Yes, it is and should be greatly appreciated when you man shows his love through gestures (putting gas in the car, calling to say i love you, etc.) but if he's the type of man that spends money on himself, I'd raise a brow if he were unwilling to do so for me (especially if I do it for him also). That whole "you shouldn't buy anyone things with the expectation of getting something in return" only sounds good. Most people who do nice things for others, tend to be treating people the way they want to be treated. When we are constantly doing certain things for the people in our lives, we're basically acting out in a way we wish/hope people would act towards us. And I don't care how much of a saint you are, if you're constantly doing something for someone who won't do for you…it gets old.
I'm just saying, if my man drops $300 on shoes, it indicates to me what he values…he values spending money on nice things to please himself…most likely because he loves himself. I would feel some kind of way if after some time had passed he never did the same for me.
A great case of this is my parents. My dad is a very selfish man. He spends a$$loads of money on himself, and as I said in a previous blog, my mom spends a bunch on him as well. But when it comes to gifts for my mom, my dad doesn't put much thought into them, and even less money. It wouldn't be about the money if his gifts were at least thoughtful. One year for christmas she got him a new wireless printer for the dvds he was making for his videography business…it costs quite a bit of change…he got her…a CD. Yeah. That's something he could've gotten her any doggone day of the week, but this is Christmas. This has gone on most of the time they've been married and while my father is a good man and takes good care of my mom, I'm sure she would love for him to do for her the types of nice things he does for himself with his wallet…at least every once in a while.
See Bree I still don't get it, if you got for 20 years buying nice things for your husband and he comes back everytime with a cd, eventually he will start getting tube socks from me!!
But on the flip side you say he takes care of her well and maybe that he buys nice things to appreciate HIMSELF for doing so well. I certainly am not going to WAIT on some one to buy me something nice, imma simply go to that checkin account and holla at me a grip to buy my own.
I personally would like to know in advance if my future husband is a "Gift giving" type of guy doesn't have to be expensive as long a its got some thought in it.
@Humble:"This topic hits home for me today. I accept but still dont understand this way of thinking. Me and my ex broke up over me not doing the little things. I just dont understand that. So me taking off of work to take her to the hospital and pick her up from the hospital for surgery was nothing? Handling her business as far as bills and pay checks and so on while she was at school for the summer was nothing? I dont get it. Your SO may show how they love you but you have to look at the relationship as a whole and not have tunnel vision to see it."
First off you and SBM are nothing alike…he's not spending anything on a chic that he doesn't benefit from directly. Look at his list and look at yours, he had to eat so he bought food, he put gas in the car to go to Orlando to go shopping for HIMSELF, he had to get here so he flew, and he wanted me there so he paid for some of it. He didn't mention a dime that only the chic benefited from on that list, because there wasn't one.
SBM I love you like a stepbrother but if you don't benefit then you don't bother.
Well I'm off to the Career Expo to find a job…or a man, those recruiters are usually cute…later yall.
"holla at me a grip "
girl you aint gonna holla at the grip is you??? LOL
i kind of agree with Mik here though…its a communal pot. Im prolly not gonna wait for a mink (after 15 years of asking) if we can afford and if he helps himself to fancy cuff links, cool ties, etc…
imma hit the checkin, mine, his, ours…im good as minked DOWN.
Bree exactly…the men on this blog are constantly talking about how selfish women are and what they WON'T do for a man. I'm not that chic, nor have I ever been and was even singled out on this blog a while back for doing too much to make men happy.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you right?
I do things that I know would make the men in my life happy, I should be able to expect that they would at least do the same for me. Granted when I feel slighted I normally shut down, but I bounce back hours later so even that isn't a raw deal.
Ok now its getting interesting, I need some popcorn!!
5 points for Teacia
*Waitin on a rebuttal*
@Miki…my mom loves doing nice things for the people around her and she probably would never stop regardless of how my dad is, it's just who she is, she likes giving people what they want…take away the money and she does the same type of stuff to take care of him that he does for her. Sadly, after 22 years of marriage, he's just now starting to get it (because she would never say it) that it hurts her feelings sometimes that he can lavishly spend money on himself but won't do so for her. The upside is that he's starting to get it. I recall one year, having an argument with my dad to convince him to buy my mom a necklace that she wanted…he just didn't want to spend the money…DUDE SHE'S YOUR WIFE!!!
This same man has been dropping hints and blatantly asking for an iPhone for his next bday or Christmas….yyyyeaaaah, I suggested she get him a CD.
Ya know comeback!!
grip=money lol my slang needs improvement
Ooooh I hope she gets him a CD, sometimes you can show them better than you can tell them.
…she can have the real gift hidden and give it to him a day later though, but sometimes they gotta feel your pain to understand.
i know…im laughing that you gonna HOLLA at the grip though.
@Humble, Comeback, and Bree-I agree with you guys. I mean I like having someone to support me and do nice things for me that don't necessarily require money…now if you find that money is something you wanna give me or spend on me then fine…which brings me to…
@Hugh Jazz-If you're making $90,000 a year yet you're spending money on your side h0 then I'd rather you make $20,000 and be at home every night being my man loving and supporting me.
Ok Bree now that sounds wack as hell lol. But again if im your mom, I am going to get my own necklace from the "community pot" and he will still get his cd and if im nice im gonna throw in a pair of tube socks just to show how much I REALLY CARE lol.
In regards to keeping stuff private, I will say no truer words have been spoken. While I have once had a public showing of emotions and affection for an "unnamed person", every act of my business being put on blast has been orchestrated by someone else and usually is followed up with an angry personal email or call.
No matter how much I as, some people will just never care about enough to respect you.
You live and you learn.
@comeback and mikki…my parents handle finances the way i intend to, there are communal pots that go for bills and family savings and then they have their own separate money to do with as they please…my father's gifts come out of my mommie's "do as she pleases" money since she usually "pleases" to please him…and he's getting double cuz he spends his "do as he pleases" money on his dam.n self, LMAO. He's done better over the last few years, Christmas before last she got a fly a$$ set of golf clubs (those thing cost alot of dam.n money) and last christmas she got a new iPod and a watch.
@Teacia…she would never do him like that, she's just too dam.n nice and it makes her feel so good to see his super wide smile accented by his super deep dimples. I don't blame her, I could see myself being the same way.
Comeback I was just reminded of that guy on the chapelle show
can i holla holla holla holla holla holla let me holla at cha! holla holla holla holla
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awRKkScQITE
Oh we so need to have a topic day about "community funds" in a marriage!!!
im over here cryn at holla holla holla …i remember this. Oh my God.
Dang, do I write the blogs now too…okay, just checking.
@ Mikki – got it! thanks
@ Tea – thanks for your response
@ Fungke – yup, das meeeeee. The kid from the pic on your post was dancing on this show called "yo gabba gabba". I bet my comment didn't make much sense if you didn't know that already.
LMAO comeback thats the laugh for today, this foo gone say "im hollering at chu "b*tch can't you hear me!"
man thats some funny stuff
…i wanna see this hair and hear about these hair products? I'm such a product junkie.
blogging with your bf is totally Played
I miss Dave he was so smart wit his shyt. DC claims him u know.
"blogging with your bf is totally Played"
I ve never really seen it done. Who does it?
Mikki, I like the Yankee candles or Bath & Body Works wallflowers…file that away for future reference (smile)
LMAO @ Shelia 1 gift down 8 to go!!
see comeback how easy that was, wouldn't cha like to follow suit???????????
"…i wanna see this hair and hear about these hair products? I’m such a product junkie"
me too.
@Mikki-A friend of mine once told me he will handle all the bills. EVERYTHING…He will even pay for his wife's car, unless it's something extra expensive like a Navigator…if that's the case then he will pay up to a certain amount then the rest is for her…also everyone in his household must get up and go somewhere even volunteering. I'm all for it. I think we should be able to strive as a couple and we should have SEPARATE money pots and of course a FAMILY one.
"LMAO @ Shelia 1 gift down 8 to go!!"
hell to the naw. Everything that smells good (synthetic oils) is not aromatherapy (essential oils). Alot of scents/oils/candles have healing properties too. Other than the metaphysical stuff I only approve this candle: http://www.diptyqueparis.com/
Baies-Diptyque….
@Jac…i'm all for the separate money pot…its only fair that you should be able to spend some of your hard earned money on the shyt you want to spend it on without question or approval from your spouse…that is of course after the household bills are paid (which is the purpose of the communal pot). I tell you, it must work, I've never heard of my parents bickering over money…never once.
COMEBACK,
I used to be on this messageboard where like people had had sex and were married on there and effing on there and everything
I think message board and blog members should keep a distance to keep it entertaining
cause what happens is people dont express themselves truthfully anymore from fear or hurting someone's feelins
*happened to me several times on said message board*
well Jac I believe DAVE (my favorite financial guy) calls is "blow money" (not that kinda blow get chur mind out the gutter)
This is pretty much once (all our funds have gone into the account) we each take out a pre agreed on amount for each of us to do whatever we want. with it Now if you choose to save your "blow money" and one day you wake up and its a mill in there so be it, its yours.
But I don't believe there should be "separate accounts" that would seem to me as if we weren't bright enough to handle our finances together, if you have some type of habit that you causes you to spend more that we are allocating im gonna need u to get that in check. But thats just me, we married as one so our money will be one
Hey SBM: Can I get a little off topic?
How was everyones weekend!? Mine was GREEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
can't buy me looooooooooooooooooooooove
loooooooooove
can't buy me looooooooooove
*i dont know the rest*
"I used to be on this messageboard where like people had had sex and were married on there and effing on there and everything
I think message board and blog members should keep a distance to keep it entertaining
cause what happens is people dont express themselves truthfully anymore from fear or hurting someone’s feelings".
wow i never heard about this message board…i would tend to agree about no longer being truthful about your stuff. interesting.
@Mikki-I gots to have me a separate account because if you don't you run the risk of having that whole movie scene play out where one mate goes to the bank and there's nothing in there. No way.
Jolie I allow you to be off topic!! (just tryin my hand at it)
did you go out with the guy from the allnigher again?? we need an update!!!!
ps, I hate technology this ipod is stupid! why do i have to wait 100 hours for it to charge!! its so going back to the store today!
@ Jolie – ooh la la – do tell….
mik and bree
im not sure how i feel about the our money is one. In theory it is along with our assets. there are tons of women who thought this and don't have cent to "her" name after divorce.
@Jolie-Girl mine was fab! Can't wait to tell you ALL about it…you will be pleased…did you do that thing?
@ jolie Mine was good too. i had a lot of fun. I even somehow ended up at the maserati/ferrari dealership..don't ask me how I got there…but anyway I got new dreams nah yall
@mikki: I did go out on a date with MR. AllNighter on Friday night. Dinner and a movie and then we went back to his place to watch tv. I ended up spending the night AGAIN.
Yes, this was a SLUTatious move but ya know I've been in the celibacy club for a while and I needed a warm body next to me. Anyway, lets just say this man does not have a "button" .. defintely PACKIN' but I stayed in the celibacy club ..yeah i'm still celibate.. I think 🙂 hahahahaha
@jac: I did not 'do that thang' with the chai.. havent heard from chai man actually.. hmmm..let me check my email..
"I think"
well dam!n if you thinkin about it you may ought NOT be still in the club. Why even go out. Yall could of had a date on his serta shyt.
aw's @ Jolie: das nice. what u mean…u think?
@comeback: BECAUSE I expect a man I just met to take me out regardless of the circumstances being that we initially ended up sleeping in the same bed on DAY ONE. I believe a MAN SHOULD court YOU .. yup. I sure do.. WHO wants to yell at me about it!? Humble, SBM, FLYGUY?? Courting is not dead! VIVA LA COURTING!
Well Jac thats unfortunate im not saying be ignorant because people do crazy things but I can't condone you taking out half your paycheck to do what you please with it, Im gonna need to know about all thats coming in and all thats going out. Like I said if we both have accounts that is our spending money and u go spend yours and I save mine welp thats your bad. But im not going to be hiding things. I think its a recipe for a disastrous marriage.
YOU SAW THE MOVIE!!!
and what about this spark????
"comeback: BECAUSE I expect a man I just met to take me out regardless of the circumstances being that we initially ended up sleeping in the same bed on DAY ONE. I believe a MAN SHOULD court YOU .. yup. I sure do.. WHO wants to yell at me about it!? Humble, SBM, FLYGUY?? Courting is not dead! VIVA LA COURTING!
"
yeah but yall started OUT on the mattress…j/k…um so what about the chemistry or spark you were talking bout on your blog.
JOLIE PLEASE DONT TELL ME YOU PULLED A CLINTON!!!
i swear if one more person tells me they didn't have sex im going to scream!!
if your licking n sucking its still sex bunk what chu hurd!! and if thats true your OUT THE CLUB!!!!!!!
sorry for screaming but this club I hold dear to my heart!
@Jolie-Wowwwww….chai guy needs to step his game up…Yay for no buttons…umm celibacy club, no? Wow…what you did girl?
@Comeback-"Yall could of had a date on his serta shyt." Cracking up…hilarious!
*going to Jolie's blog*
@ Mikki & Jac – I saw the Fam that preys too. mmm mmm good.
@Mikki-Man the way this blog is set up is making it hard for me…
I am not saying hide it but I'm having something on the side…especially as a woman.
@Jolie-I think courtship is alive and well too
@Comeback
"You don’t take NO tea for the fever huh??? When out..would you ever feel compelled to be like ..hey my lady likes gum, maybe I’ll buy her some…and you buy it? do have you ever or would you ever see something that you think she might like and get it.
Are you keeping some type of scoreboard in your basement on who did what when and how often?
to me the objective is making people happy. that could be material. That could be an inspirational word. It could be a phone call. It could be sitting on the back porch drinking cheap liqour (but not so much LOL).
its alot of reciprocated things. But grown ups don’t sit around and keep tally like…last week she took my mama out for tea and a sandwich. So I’ll get her mama a donut after church…its not that. Its that unspoken thing thats organic and happens."
If I like you I will things for you expecting nothing in return. I dont keep tabs or tally. But what I would be a fool to keep doing nice things and it is never appreciated.
@et al: Ok there was defintely NO CLINTON going ON. I dont do that with strangers! Stranger DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!
@cuzzo: the blog comeback is refering to is:
http://blackfemmefatale.wordpress.com/2008/09/18/…
@comeback: there is no true SPARK. I dont think we will continue the courtship. BUt who knows a I might get bored.
@comeback…that's mikki talking that "our money is one" mess…I said a family account and a separate account. One thing my mom has always taught me is to never rely 100% on anyone and to have your own ish! Like I said, the way my parent's do it is genius…a family account and a "my own money" account…and they don't fight over money at all. My best friend and her hubby are do it like that too (at the advice of my mom) and they don't have money problems either.
@jac: check your mail
"@comeback: there is no true SPARK. I dont think we will continue the courtship. BUt who knows a I might get bored."
I feel like someone just invited me to dinner and gave me a peice of wonder bread (the end protective peice) and as I put it in my mouth..they snatched it out my dam#n hand.
i need DETAILS. Like Oprah says the beauty is in the DETAILS.
dam$n…
Bree why does my plan have to be mess? eh show some respect! I didn't say be boo boo the fool or to put your eggs all in one basket. Bree musta didn't see the movie lol
WHAT MOVIE MIK?
Wow.
@Jolie-All smiles chick.
@Mikki-I mean that was out of control and I think he did her ass right.
@Humble-No tabs should be kept it is what it is.
@Breelicious – In response to post# 142. No disrespect to your father but I don't like when people do that. After helping my ex out and getting her exactly what she wanted for her birthday. After I was with her for a year the first gift she got me was a pair of sneakers that I had to put in lay-away. I bought her Tiffany jewelry for her b-day and did other stuff. The one time she bought me something and it wasnt my b-day it was 2 pack of tube socks a dude was sellin on the corner. Other than that she bought a 3-ton jack for me on sweetest day. The socks were mad cheap. If you are with me I am going to treat you like I treat myself unless you dont want me too. If you are on my team you eat like I eat.
@Breelicious
"I said a family account and a separate account. One thing my mom has always taught me is to never rely 100% on anyone and to have your own ish! Like I said, the way my parent’s do it is genius…a family account and a “my own money” account…and they don’t fight over money at all. My best friend and her hubby are do it like that too (at the advice of my mom) and they don’t have money problems either."
That is how my parents handle their finances. It seems to work well. As long as what the other person does with their money doesnt affect the household then its good.
imma start filling in my own dam@n blanks and its not pretty when i do that!!!
@Humble-Wow…ok see here's the thing…it seems to be like you believe in being a man. If that means paying bills you do it, if it means buying Tiffany you do it…you want to make sure your mate feels like she is your equal AND if she is your equal then she should also be able to reciprocate.
I don't think it's a bad thing. I think we might need to stop sitting around talking about what we deserve. Honestly, it's just all too much. I mean come on, why can't we be supportive? Loving? Generous (not just monetarily)? Whatever happened to just doing it to do it? We've gotten too out of control…
And Humble isn't Sweetest Day coming up?
Jac I agree she got what she had coming but thats a perfect example of what can go wrong when you have separate accounts lol. I wouldn't be apposed to it as long as you know whats in mine and I know whats in yours, If each of our "blow" accounts consist of 200 a week and I look up and see deposits of 1000 im gonna need to know why that 1000 is not coming into the house hold. the whole "imma women" thing don't fly with me cuz we do shady shat just like the men, case n point proven in the movie
short funny story so i just got back from burger king and my order was messed up so i went back out to get it fixed. But instead of pullin into the burgerking drive way I pulled into mcdonalds (they are next door to eachother) so i go in and im wating with my bk bag in my hand ready to go off on somebody, as im standing there waiting I finally looked up n noticed the menu wasn't the same im like oh shit im in mcdonalds!!! lucky for me I didn't go off on anybody yet but that woulda been hella embarrassing when they looked at me and said "mam this is mcdonalds"
haha
@mikki…the "mess" comment was in joking, chill out…and why do you need to know how much goes into his separate account? If your bills are $10,000/month and based on you and your spouse's income you decide to split that 50-50…then as long as his $5,000 is going to that account every month why do you care what's in his separate account. I mean, for my part, if I was asked "baby, what's your separate account balance" i may answer the question…but i'm not really that interested in following every penny of my husband's money as long as it isn't affecting our household money. It seems to me that the marriages that work have some allowance for independence. I just can't base my lifetime logic on what happen's in movies…it's a script! LOL, what has worked in REAL life for my parents and the couples they have advised seems to be the way to go for me…but every couple is different. And no, haven't seen the movie and am not in a rush to.
@Humble…once again, we agree. and no offense taken on my dad…i have told him on numerous occassions (in a respectful way of course) that he is a selfish person…it seems daddy's little girl got through to him b/c he has since stepped his game up. (hence the golf clubs and ipod…and my pending bday gift 😉
lol @ Mikki – that would have been hilarious. give someone a McDonald's a reason to say the customer is NOT always right .
Cuzzo I sent you an email and its urgent!!
@mikki…that actually happens all the time…happened to me a few times when i worked there in highschool. and it's funny every time.
oh comeback:
Here is the story:
We went to a lovely dinner at Chophouse. Then we went to a movie. After the movie we went to his house. Where we stayed up watching tv until around 4 am. Around 4am, he was like lets go to sleep. So I went to the bed. We talked. We hymmed and hod bullshatted like we werent gonna do nuffin. We kissed. We touched. He asked me what I wanted to do and it totally turned me off. SIR, if you ask it makes me think. Therefore I probably will not act. He said, he is used to aggressive women that take what they want. I said then you must be use to loose women and I am use to a MAN who goes after what he wants. If I am laying in the bed with you and kissing you apparently I might be alright with moving forward and proceeding. So he laid there… I laid there .. He huffed.. I puffed.. BUT know ones back was blown out!
Courting is cool. Im not particularly into spending a whole gang of bucks on a woman, w/o reciprocity. I want to be courted too dammit! For real tho, Id like a gift every now and then if Im doing the same. I have no problem doing dinner, drinks, liquid lunch, etc for a woman that im looking to date or have an "Underwear Removal Contest" with.
I'm in the process of opening my own business, so Ive had to drastically cut back my expenses. Vacations are out the picture for me until maybe 2010, wkend trips once I open for business are almost out the question… any woman dealing with me has to understand that. I went from spending $300 on some designer tshirts for my boo (pointless, I realize) to wincing at a large dinner bill lol.
Bree I guess we just have to agree to disagree and I was using the movie as an example but if you saw it you would see that pretty much what happen DOES happen in real life im not 5 lol i know the difference.
So what your saying to me is if your hubby put 5,000 in the bank faithfully for 5 years you wouldn't ever wonder as long as the bills are paid? what if he got a 20,000 raise and decided to keep that from you??
he could be funding a creep I WATCH LIFETIME!! (speaking sarcastically)
Chophouse in Chinatown??? i know thats really nit picky. But thats how i set the stage. I need EXACTS. what movie did you see? what did you wear? slutatious-or safe??
comeon…DETAILS.
Career Expos are the worst…back to my day job I go. *sigh*
I would personally like to see a post that isn't about head and money
…I wonder if that is even possible anymore. I think I'm going to skip class and treat myself to a happy hour with the girls…yep I need a drink(yeah Bree I know I don't drink but i'm thursty).
i like the sentence; "so we went to bed". I guess it is normal now LOL wit yall.
'He asked me what I wanted to do and it totally turned me off. SIR, if you ask it makes me think. Therefore I probably will not act. He said, he is used to aggressive women that take what they want. I said then you must be use to loose women and I am use to a MAN who goes after what he wants. If I am laying in the bed with you and kissing you apparently I might be alright with moving forward and proceeding. So he laid there… I laid there .. He huffed.. I puffed"
so this was the deal breaker. the no sparker ?????????????????
Man…I think I'm going to Bridge Lounge this evening.
@comeback: Correct, Chophouse in Chinatown. We saw Lakeview Terrace. I wore a slutaciously safe dress black and white a little lowcut, right above the knee with some black heels and a red clutch. He wore. A button up, nice citizens (read: jeans), and a nice pair of aldo casual man shoes. Convo was good but I think he is a little self centered. He is just out of a relationship as of July. I actually went to school with the cousin of his ex girlfriend so of course I looked her up on facebook (cute girl).
Lets see what else. . All conversations lead back to him. I dont think he is a great listener. This was all discovered that night.
I dont think he is ambitious enough for me. He is only 24 and I really dont DO younger guys for many reasons. I actually think I spent the night because 1. I was tired 2. I liked having a warm body next to me 3. HE is Soooooo easy on the eyes.
"I would personally like to see a post that isn’t about head and money"
How about backshots and clothes.
oh and the bed convo was part of the NO SPARKER … I gotta want ya .. I AINT gonna jump your bones but I should feel like I wanna. I didnt feel that from him.
"nice citizens (read: jeans"
the not the slim leg ones that cuts off all circulation to the scrotu$m (Papa SBM (father of SBM) Im just doing my job as the blog fact finder. Please don't be offended
@Teacia-Maybe one day. I concur with Humble…let's talk about backshots and clothes.
oooh – clothes – bree can appreciate this – I ordered a pair of those PZI jeans – haven't worn them yet though. I'll update ya.
Anymore slumber partay's in the near future. He doesn't sound confident in himself. Even when a man has home advantage he should be a little more…assertive.
but i hate to be all den motherish…but maybe the whole sleeping in the same bed on the first night-just changed some of the dynamics.
what if you took it completely OLD SCHOOL. He picks you up at your house for the date. You all go somewhere. YOU TAKE BOTH YALL's @zzes back home, ie he drops you off and he goes to his house. he calls to make sure you are tucked in nice and sound.
@Mikki: Sorry to tell ya love, but completely joint finances are more played out than the cabbage patch or the running man. Joint accounts are good, but more than that is a recipe for disaster.
@Bree: One question, does your mom work? I do agree Pops needs to step the gift giving game up for his wife, but is he is the sole breadwinner and provider, it does change things a bit.
@Comeback: I don't think anyone wants to keep a tally just like no one wants to be yelled at for choosing not to get some particular gift. And lack of said gift shouldn't discredit everything they do.
Comeback im "lost"
and personally frustrated now with this hair sitcheachun
now i gotta read all my stuff!!
oh yea and comeback im going to a toastmasters session tonight, soon as i get my arse in the showah, I was semi productive today, I washed clothes and did a little homework. I need a work from home job.
hasta manana folks!
I got u on the backshot chat tmrw.
no the loose fitting citizens.. not the nut crunchers ..
Ok SBM one battle I can stand to lose, I can get over it but if i find your a*S got a million in the bank like lil wayne imma have to holla at the grip!!!
another topic I have which kinda ties into jolies date.
Is it ok to "entertain" men you clearly don't plan on dating in the future just for sake of having a "warm body" or going out or being on the phone? I got into a debate about this, when a guy becomes "Stalkerish" and starts catching feelings, and you wonder why later down the line start callin him crazy because he actually developed feelings in this amount of time you call yourself "entertaining him"
cuzzo accoudring to this site all my hair care products need to be thrown out including the max grow, so now what I throw away all my hair care stuff (sorry im off subject) this is important!
http://www.originalsprout.com/harmful-ingredients…
Is David Banner married…I think I want to be his wife.
Comeback can you find out for me, I know you're good at looking up facts. If he is, choice #2 is Ronnie Brown…ah hell I know he isn't married, I would have gotten an invitation for that one.
But David Banner is officially my next mark.
@comeback: I couldnt agree with you more. The setup for me 'saving him' intially ruine the whole thing. To the point of no return. Basically I'M DONE. There is no way to rewind the 'captain save a hoe" night. If i could do it again.. my tired a*s would have gone home the night his car needed to be towed that way we would not have begun so awkwardly.
I am into traditional dating and courting. I usually dont see someones bed for a long WHILE!
@teacia: Lavell Adrian Crump aka DAVID BANNER is NOT married.
@ Jolie
Ok Cpt…misses orbital like a mutha and shoots myself.
David Banner??? "stuntin is a habit"???? guy …why???
GET LIKE ME!
Jolie I guess knowing his real name would probably help with my mission..lol.
Comeback have you been introduced to the NEW and IMPROVED David Banner:
http://www.exposay.com/celebrity-photos/david-ban…
Laaaawd, oh lawd, yes mam…oh and he's a GENIUS. No seriosly he dropped out of school with like a 4.0 to be a rapper…kind of weird, but hey it worked.
Hell I would have chosen Fitty if I didn't have to worry about getting shot all the damn time.
yea comeback you aint know? stuntin is a habit put it in nah air!
whats a kit tho?
a kit for the car…a body kit, it raises or lower your car, also it can include speakers, new frames and whatnot, "u aint eva seen a chevy wit the buttafli doors"
lol…yep, i'm in love with a rapper.
well im still waiting for this david:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc39e3cQMwE
to sing me a sweet little ruff endz ditty…bmore aint far from me. And he would have to leave the church cause he's SAVED NOW. and Im kinda not.
Comeback im mad u came up with that video, now im depressed.
…why do I find myself muting the TV whenever Palin is speaking? Is it me or does she always seem to be yelling in that high pitched voice of hers.
David Banner is a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. too. There are people in the music industry with intellegence but good sense doesnt equal record sales. We actually did a article on this today.
Palin's a bit much sometimes Tea.
J.-Where's my winning e-mail? Hmm…let me get on over to Mr. Swagger.
J. McFly: ooooh lawd, don't tell me that, Alphas are like my kryptonite.
…hmpt, maybe that's my problem.
@ Cuzzo, yes I know what Gabba Gabba is, I have a two year old niece…the black guy creeps me out though! Let me know how you like the PZI jeans!
SBM…how does a batch of peach cobbler sound? LOL
"Comeback im mad u came up with that video, now im depressed."
i just depressed my own @zz…keep hope alive and yes we can. LOL
So we're at this Thai restaurant(my friends are always doing the most)…considering I said drinks..of course we end up here…where they ONLY serve wine.
BUT the springs rolls are to DIE for!!!!
@Mikki…i agree, people can be shady (thought I haven't seen the movie) but we will have to disagree on the importance of separate accounts. If your spouse is doing shady ish wit their money, you got more issues than separate bank accouns. Trust and believe if my husband's (or if my) income increases, then the amount that goes into the household account will also increase. I think the household account should be based on percentage of income…if we tally up our total income and mine is about 60% of the total household income, then I will contribute 60% of the total household bills to the household account and the other 40% is mine to do with as i please (actually, i'd decrease that by the percentage i wll contribut to household savings). This is so that no one is slighted if we don't make the same amount and are trying to split the bills down the middle…if I make more, I contribute more…and this would be revisited as incomes rise. And I know you're not 5 sweetie, it's just that you were pubbing that movie real hard as if it's the only way stuff works…like i said I have quite a few real life examples of the benefits of separate accounts. Mind you, I didn't say anything about hiding money…I merely said you have your own separate play money. If you know your hubby makes $50,000 and $30,000 of that goes into the household account, you know that $20,000 is his personal money.
@SBM…yes, my mom has always worked, a few times she's worked two jobs, she's never been without a job in my lifetime. I take that back, she didn't work the first 3 years of my life, but that was before we met my dad.
@Teacia…D. Banner is a good ole southern boy too, he has a catfish pond in his back yard, he catches them, cleans em and cook em up…I'll race you t his house, cuz I wanted him to get it a while back…before the new and improved…I just have a knack for finding the diamond in the rough…I was on Common b4 a lot of girls were too!
David Banner could SO GET IT!
@Cuzzo…one time for the fly jeans…come to the A and wear them to my bday party this weekend!
@breelicious
" I think the household account should be based on percentage of income…if we tally up our total income and mine is about 60% of the total household income, then I will contribute 60% of the total household bills to the household account and the other 40% is mine to do with as i please (actually, i’d decrease that by the percentage i wll contribut to household savings). This is so that no one is slighted if we don’t make the same amount and are trying to split the bills down the middle…if I make more, I contribute more…and this would be revisited as incomes rise"
This is exactly how I think. I believe it is fair and equal. I swear whoever you marry will be lucky.
(blushing)
i interrupt the regularly scheduled programming to announce…I'M ALMOST THIRTY NAGGAS!!! THREE DAYS TO MY BDAY!!!
also, since it's obvious that SBM is running out of topics as evidenced by the constant recycling of the "to spend or not to spend" themed post…maybe we should all email some relationship related topics for the young man to choose from.
@Breelicious – I've only been here for 2 months so the topics are new to me. I think I can come up with a few topics. With all the issues me and my boys talk about I should have plenty.
@Bree-Yay! I think I am going to have to be making a little trip out your way…soon…in celebration!
@Humble-I'm not even sure I can comprehend why some people feel a need to either horde money or put it all in family account. Not balanced.
I finally get home from job #2 to a good topic and as ususal, I'm late. Damn! I hate that i'm hooked to this website.
@IndianaJones… I'm right with you….. Always missing the good stuff when it's happening…..
Did anybody see Kim Kardashian on Dancing with the stars??? She was crap… LOL
@ 80's- I forgot that started tonight. just reset my tivo to all my fav shows that start this week. I need to add dancing/stars too. How did warren sapp do?
@humble & jac…i'm all about balance..what with being the scales sign and all, lol
@IndianaJones…. Warren Sapp hasn't went yet… He's next… It's on commercial right now….
Bree your right you gotta do what works for you, I honestly don't know what will work because my ass has never been married nor have I seen many positive examples of one. So I will be runnin on trial and error and im sure me n hubby if he is anything like me he gonna do what I say lol. Seems both you and Humble had stronger influences to bring you to a conclusion about how the money works, as for me I haven't really seen couples successfully manage money my mom was never married but when she lived with my brothers dad they had lots of money fights. I guess my take is as long as we got enough there will be nothing to fight over.
@Bree-What about me coming to ATL? Are there drinks involved? Men…I have a size requirement….also..yes scales..that's why. 🙂 Hell…I'm a Taurus…so stubborn but I love balance.
@mikki…i'm sure you and your hubby will figure it out as long as you plan to talk about it and come to agreements. luckily, i have a real life example of how it works…but beyond the actual plan was the fact that they talked it out and planned together.
"we got enough there will be nothing to fight over"…you'd be surprised how not true that is, even people with lots of it fight over it…
well i rather fight over a lot than a little lol. Like baby I told you to to get the red benz not the green!!! and whats wrong with you you are suppose to have 2 walk in closest not one!! and you dont have enough shoes get more!! lol
Did anybody just see Marvin Sapp? Wow…just wow.
@jac- yes gurl i am crackin up over here, big boi can move cant he?!
@Jac and IndianaJones…..Yes he could… I was surprised… He was definitely light on his feet.
um, ladies…you mean Warren Sapp…LMAO
@mikki…HAHAHA!! YOU'S A FOOL! Yeah, those sound like the types of problems I need to have.
Oh yeah…Damned I feel like DL Hughley.
@jac…suga you are most definitely invited to tha A…it's going to be stupid fun here this weekend…not only am i turning the big 3-0 but the annual FAMU vs. TSU football game is here…and it's like FAMU homecoming Part I around this piece.
You know during this crazy economic climate EVERYONE should be holding onto their money!
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