***** Admin Note *****
I am happy to introduce the creation of the Single Black Male Forums at https://singleblackmale.org/forum/.  As a result … the comments section will not be used for comments related to … the current post (crazy … yeah … I know)!  There will be a ton of changes as I figure out the software … but I hope this allows a place for the Family to chill, talk and know each other.  There is a register link on the right side of this page that will give you an account for the comments section and the forum … any problems … hit me at sbm@singleblackmale.net.

I have been getting a lot of questions as of late … and I promise I’m going to make a strong effort to get to them all … so I will try and tackle one a week.

This one definitely caught my attention as soon as I read it.  Here is what I received:

I’m an avid reader of the site and now I’m in a bit of a situation. I met a guy about a month ago and after chit chatting for about 20 minutes we exchanged info. We spoke a couple days later and after the hour long convo, he asked to take me to dinner that weekend. We went out — had a really nice time. I called him a few days later and being the phone-tagger that he proved to be, he didn’t pick up. He calls back a day or two later and we chat. Last weekend he called and wanted to catch a movie that evening. We went to the movies – another nice date — or so I thought.

So being that I noticed that he never really initiates a call unless it’s regarding “going out,” I said I’d wait until midweek to see if he would call — he didn’t. So I text him a “hey wassup” during the day and he responds with “so when r u going to call me.” I called him later that night, as I had already planned and of course it rings and rings — so I left a generic message. One day passes no call/text, another day no call/text so 3 days later he decides to text me saying “I see someone forgot about me.” Now I’m BEFUDDLED and I’m like hmm WHY is this dude trying to flip the script and insinuate that I’m the one who isn’t contacting him. Psycho Bugaboo is not my style so I was not going to be blowing up his phone. A text, call and the endangered species — voicemail, seemed sufficient. So I replied, “hmm how could I forget about you when I called the other day…one could say you forgot about me.” So, as expected, he didn’t respond to the text.

A few days later, minutes after his number was deleted, he texts a “hey wassup” and then he flatlined again…

So now I’m like WTH?!?!?

Am I missing something here??? I figure, if he’s not interested in me, why not just disappear QUIETLY? Why play games with all the nonsensical texts and mixed signals???

In case you were wondering, I’m 99.9999% sure that his phone is operating properly.

This situation is … familiar.  I know I’ve told countless female friends about this same phenomenon before.   It generally starts with “why does he keep contacting me?  He obviously doesn’t want to be with me … why doesn’t he just leave me alone!?!”

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First … let me start with … sadly … the guy here doesn’t seem that interested.  He made an initial effort (which may or may not have been sincere) but then tapered off … this is the classic sign of a loss of interest.  Maybe he doesn’t want to date anyone seriously, maybe there is no chemistry, maybe he’s married.  Don’t take it personal … but its apparent.

Now, that being said … I’m going to let a secret be known … a lot of men (myself included) don’t disappear when we lose interest.  Most of the time when we “lose interest” … that means we have lost interest in making you our girlfriend.  This could be for personal reasons … or reasons releated to you … but in the end … we lost interest.  That doesn’t mean we’re not interested in sex, chilling, or “hooking up”.  Hence … we don’t disappear.

Now every guy treats this differently.  Some will lose their interest, but continue to call, text, and date you … knowing he has absolutely no desire to date you seriously.  Some basically will only contact you when their horny and actually have gas in their car.  Then you have every different combination in between.

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So … sad to say … I don’t think he is “that into you”.  In addition … he may never disappear until you just completely ignore him … but don’t be surprised … it how we are.