Not my real room!

Her: “OMG”
SBM: “What?”
Her: “What happened in her?  Was there a fight?”
SBM: “Girl … your funny.  Its just a little messy.  I warned you before we came.”
Her: “No warning could have prepared me for this!  You have got to be kidding me!”
SBM: “I told you I live the bachelor lifestyle … and its not that bad.  There is no old food or anything like that.”
Her: “How can you tell?”
SBM: “Can we just watch some TV? Its not that serious!”
Her: “If you say so!”

I am an … untidy individual.

I have cleaned before, do clean periodically, and have rules about what is deemed “too dirty” … but I am and always have been a messy individual.

I use stuff and don’t put it away.  I drop my clothes on the floor.  I have mail scattered on the coffee table.

But … I’m a man … and I pay the mortgage … and I live by myself … right?

Once in my past I was entertaining female company.  She made her self right at home in my cluttered home.  She enjoyed herself, spent the night, etc. etc.  A few days later she told me something which I would never have thought.

“When I first came into your house I assumed you didn’t really like me … because you didn’t clean.”

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Come again … ?

While I haven’t found many women who will cosign or agree with this exact statement, I have found a few. I’ve been told the following reasons to help explain this phenomenon:

  • If you really like a girl … you want to impress her. A clean house is impressive.
  • Most girls are turned off by dirt.  If you want to turn her on … there should be no dirt.
  • The smell of old pizza/socks/mayonnaise is not a turn-on.
  • How can you make love in a bed full of dirty clothes?
  • Gross != Sexy

Now … I have learned the error of my ways.  Part of me realizes that this girl was right … maybe my feelings weren’t as strong as I thought.  Ever since her every woman that I have major feelings for and graces the presence of my home is often treated with vacuuming, straightening up, and even a little dusting.  Once, I was having a PGF (potential girlfriend) visit me from Atlanta … I enlisted the help of 3 friends and my mother just to make sure everything was perfect … and I realize this was because I really liked the girl.

JOs and FwB get the clothes pushed off the bed and onto the floor …

One thing that still troubles me a bit … aren’t men supposed to be dirty?

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Now, I’m not talking about college dorm room disgusting, but doesn’t a man with a well coordinated and super clean house raise suspicions?  Doesn’t the fresh scent of reed diffusers, a dust free countertop, and the lingering smell of lemon pledge make a woman wonder … did he or his boyfriend clean this?  Isn’t one reason for marriage (traditionally) was to mate a dirty man with a tidy woman … and them to argue into eternity about leaving the ketchup out on the table (that’s how i grew up)?

Also … how does it work in reverse?  I remember another PGF who I was in their house.  She damn near put my college self to shame.  There was laundry in the living room, no trash bag in the trash can, and just reminants of past meals lying on the countertop.  Ok … it wasn’t as bad as me in college … but I guess women tend to be a lot better (therefore creating higher expectations) than us savages.

Since I am one simple man with one meager opinion, I ask you … my readers … who I love dearly … how important is the cleanliness of a man’s house?  Should it be spotless, should it be a little dirty … but not disgusting, or does it even matter?  Does a penis give you the right to live in squaler and not be judged?