She saves money … he’s a spender.
She likes Rock music … he’s a hardcore hip-hop head.
She’s from Baltimore … he’s from DC (if your from the DMV … you know how different that is).
She’s a devote Christian … he cuts the head off of chickens for his satanic rituals.
For years upon years … ever since I can remember popping out the womb and dapping up my doctor (yes … SBM has been that nice since birth), I’ve heard that opposites attract. Apparently people end up with people completely different from them. If your good … he’s bad. If you party all the time … she won’t. But its ok, you will balance her out and she will balance you out.
Shenanigans! … Shenanigans I say!!! (And for those of you who aren’t old school South Park fans … I mean bullsh*t).
I realized early on that I want to date and eventually marry someone that can match (or at least come to) the ultimate greatness that is SBM. And while I can understand someone could be my opposite and still be great … that’s rare. By no means should anyone want to date themselves … but what Dr. Jekyll want’s to hook up with their Mr. Hyde?
For two people to be happy, they need to have 50% or greater in overlap … 40% at the least. Have you ever tried to hold a conversation with your opposite? Its cool for like 15 minutes … until you realize you don’t agree on anything and your ready to stab them in the eye for saying Chopped & Screwed is stupid ready to go home.
Don’t get me wrong … dating an opposite can be fun. There will be excitement as you learn about all kinds of things you never knew existed. You will be introduced to new opinions and viewpoints you never considered. You might even hear a compelling argument as to why Soulja Boy is a great rapper why Bush wasn’t that bad for the country.
But … at some point you’ll get tired. You will grow tired of arguing over why Superman could beat Batman in a fight and why Lil Wayne is a far superior rapper to Jay Z (note: SBM does not necessarily endorse this statement). And then … you just look at this person who gave you so much “excitement” with disgust!
Just to drive the point home … I went ahead and compiled a list of the “consequences” for dating your oppisite. For your enjoyment, I present.
Top 4 Reason’s no not date your “opposite”
You will disagree … a lot
If the only thing you have in common is vehemently defending your point until your red in the face, then expect to spend everyday doing it. Have you ever fought someone over what type of pop tart is the best one? Have you ever been punched because you call soda “pop”? Have you ever had your life threatened because you think facebook is better than myspace? If neither one of you are the arguing type … you’ll just always disagree and let it “fester”.
You just won’t “get” them
Whether it’s how he laces his air force ones, or the way she says coffee (them joy-zee chics), or the way he rotates his tongue clockwise instead of counterclockwise when he is downtown … something will just start to irk you. You are opposites and will do things significantly different. I say f* celebrating our differences … drop em.
They won’t get along with your friends
Most of the time, your friends share a lot similarities with you. Everyone has that crazy negro who smokes crack, buys hookers lives in the strip club, and stays at mom’s house while the rest of your friends are college educated black professionals … but I’m not talking about him. Most of your friends like similar things, so when this new person comes refusing to have a good time and trying to change your habits, its not going to end well … trust!
Can’t see any movies … Can’t watch TV together
You like action … they like comedy. You like Madea … they think Tyler Perry has set black people back 50 years. Anyway you slice it, consensus will be hard fought and difficult. And since 75% of copulation occurs as a result of “watching a movie” on the couch (don’t sit on my couch if you know what’s good for ya!) this is a bad bad thing.
Now, I know I could be wrong. My experience isn’t everyone’s. So … please prove me wrong. Someone out there happily married, dating (2 years or more), or engaged to someone who is just their opposite in every sense of the word? Or am I right and you all feel me?
– S.B.M.
I feel you completely. An opposite is okay for a date or two but I my experience it doesn't last too long. There needs to be overlap so that you can enjoy the similarities and so there are definitely things that you both like to do. The older couples that I know that have been married 20+ years all have things that they love to do together and all say that is what has helped them make it for so long.
I do think it is important to not be exactly the same either. Every relationship needs space so it is good to have things that you like to do that the other person doesn't so that you don't feel pressured to invite them along when you go out and do those things. I think that goes back to a previous post on here about having your own hobbies.
Opposites attract can work in very few things… For instance, I'm kinda shy initialy, so I would like a man who's a little more outgoing. I'm laid back, so I prefer a man who is more take charge.
But there are some things that we need to be the same out… such as my Christianity, my spending habits, work ethic… stuff like that.
Good Post my blogging brethren. I do think that dating your opposite is a disaster waiting to happen. Case in point, a homebody stay in and chill type that dates an extrovert who always wants to be where the action is. Nightmare.
I've dated someone who wasn't a complete opposite, but was pretty close. It was one of the ugliest break ups in history.
You forgot the simplest one: You're single … he's married with three kids.
Dude, you're so right about the 75 percent of copulation occurs from watching movie from a couch, ESPECIALLY if it's a movie to which the two of you know the dialogue (i.e., Love Jones or Love & Basketball).
And you do have to be able to watch similar things on television as that person. Accept this one thing:
http://thismayconcernyou.com/2009/02/27/19-women-…
ANY woman who finds a man willing to watch Lifetime movies with her should run for the hills. That man has no backbone and is incapable of copulation because he has no balls.
Our core values should be similiar. If they are different, then it will not work. Hobbies–it doesn't matter if some of them are different. He needs to be independent and vice versa.
I kind of agree with you. I could never date my total opposite. We wouldn't even get to the friendship level. I need someone who shares some type of similarities with me. On the other side I don't want to date someone who is just like me. That would be creepy.
Im gonna have to co-sign dating someone that is a complete 180 of you is cool at first untill you realize that yall differ on some core values and it just gets akward.
Common interests, belief systems, values etc are crucial… but then so are differing views, methods, ways of doing things, and even some philosophies…this is where the balancing and even challenges to grow in certain areas comes in on top of common ground..two people just alike= boring, two people alike in vital areas but still kinda diff in some = THE SHAT
"Opposites attract can work in very few things… For instance, I’m kinda shy initialy, so I would like a man who’s a little more outgoing. I’m laid back, so I prefer a man who is more take charge."
Nicki, this describes me and my preferences in a man perfectly. I think this will only work if both parties aren't at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. For me, I'm also shy initially and take a while to warm up to people. But, after that, it's on!
I'd think there would be a problem of each parties are the extreme type of introvert/extrovert. Like if the girl is the type to never go out and the guy is or vice versa, there will be problems. Same goes for the extrovert who never wants to just stay in a chill. If there is no openness or middle ground there, there's a problem.
I totally agree that we have to meet at least 50% in similarities, especially on core values and things like money/spending since that's like the biggest reason for divorce in america.
I know we're talking about opposites but I've actually met the guy that had everything on my list that I wanted and I matched his… we annoyed each other greatly because we were so similar! His cockiness was greater than my own but we were too much alike. We're still cool friends but it goes to show that some differences are needed to balance us out, bring a different perspective to the table.
Opposites attracting can work, but the differences have to be minimal. When you have too many differences, you tend to argue about the stupidest things, and that’s never fun for anyone. On the other hand, a disaster waiting to happen results when you date someone just like you. That’s when you truly find ou what you hate about yourself, and the other person accentuates that crazily. I like a few differences for the new-ness and excitement factor, but that’s where it stops!
my dearest twin… you KNOW i had to comment on this…
per my most recent marital experience, i couldn't agree with this more. it's really important that ppl not find their opposites, rather someone that compliments them and will balance them out.
about 2 years ago, i was convinced that my opposite would balance me out until i realized 2 years later that i couldn't have been more wrong. DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!!!!
**sigh**
Cosign. That ying-yang stuff doesn’t work when the person is your polar opposite. You have to have something in common.
“You will grow tired of arguing over why…Lil Wayne is a far superior rapper to Jay Z”
If a woman uttered such abject foolishness to me while on a date, I would just get up and leave without explanation.
“Can’t see any movies … Can’t watch TV together”
Some things you just have to put up with. I'm just not into most movies that the average black woman is into. My ex loved any movie with black people in it, and I was subjected to a nauseating amount of Uncle Tommery. I always kept what I called “black women movies” in my DVD collection that I would never watch on my own, because if a female companion visited, there would be something she could watch and be happy. Which, of course, led to copulation.
Thismayconcernyou: "ANY woman who finds a man willing to watch Lifetime movies with her should run for the hills. That man has no backbone and is incapable of copulation because he has no balls."
Amen.
"Nicki, this describes me and my preferences in a man perfectly. I think this will only work if both parties aren’t at completely opposite ends of the spectrum. For me, I’m also shy initially and take a while to warm up to people. But, after that, it’s on! "
Exactly! I'm good once I warm up too!!
Maybe I should try dating my opposite. I tend to stick to men with similar viewpoints, ambition, backgrounds, etc, and it becomes pretty routine after awhile. A differing opinion could be a good thing.
First of all, there is NO argument. Facebook KILLs MySpace, hands down. MySpace is the projects of the interwebs, as Blackplanet is the community toliet of said projects.
2nd of all… Nope that was it. I agree with everything else you said.
So I'm noticing that my definition of "opposite" isn't completely understood. I'm not talking about "I like my chicken baked and she eats it fried" or the fact that you are only opposites on a few things … if its ony a few things … your arse aint opposites.
An opposite shares like 10% in common with you. I mean just everything is different. They go left when you go right … all the time!
Think Common vs. Lil Boosie.
I never like my opposites and hardly know anyone like me.
One thing that is for sure: No Tyler Perry or hood films unless I'm given a fair amount of time to drunken and numb myself up for them. If she likes watching Master P films, we might have an even bigger problem.
As far as religiosity is concerned: That has never been a big deal for me. I'm not christian, but hey, I respect your views on it. If you constantly badger me to go to church, that's when we hit problems.
I'd actually like to meet someone similar to myself.
I think the most fun things about dating is the different people you meet and the different life experiences they have had. When you consistanly date the same type of people, you are going to run into a lot of similar personalities.
I do not think that polor opposites can work out – I do think that people from different backgrounds, ethnicites, economic status, education and religion can work, if you have similar ethical standards and core values.
To "this may concern you" Love & Basketball is love. You can't just watch that with anyone…
To "CPT" Not all the Tyler Perry movies are THAT bad.. they are better than Martin Lawrence… lol (I know that's going to start a fight with someone!)
lil wayne was gangsta back den. now hes a lazy bum!