He's going home sad and alone.
“Don’t drop the ball!”
These are the words of encouragement offered to a male by the fellas when they know he’s in the process of securing the bunz. These popular words could be said at a night club, or they could be said while sittin’ around a tv playin’ xbox and talkin’ about the opposite sex. Maybe one of the fellas in the crew is the point guard and he threw his boy a pass so he could get the assist added to his stats sheet. Whatever the case, nobody wants to see their friend drop the touchdown pass or miss the dunk. And even more important, nobody wants to be the guy that dropped the ball. As a man that has had as many as 8 male housemates, I can tell you that none of us wanted to be the dude who walked in the next morning or extra late at night with a look of disappointment. Scenario time. And yes, this does happen post college:
Point Guard Jamal: Damn dog, you back kinda soon? What happened with the shorty I hooked you up with at the club? You told us to bounce and you’d handle yours? Quick skeets?
Clumsy Hands Tyrone: Nah man, sh*t fell through. I don’t know what happened. We was vibin’, then her girls were ready to go, and then she said she was tired and needed to be up early in the morning.
PGJ: Did you put on the full court press?
CHT: Yeah, I tried. Didn’t seem like it was gonna go anywhere so I just bounced.
PGJ: Damn man…you dropped the ball!
CHT: F*ck you.
PGJ: Nah dog, you were supposed to f*ck her.
I know my scenarios tend to be more dramatic than Tyler Perry movies, but these types of conversations happen all the time. It doesn’t even take a whole night to drop the ball. It can be dropped in seconds apparently. I’ve dropped the ball a couple times over the years. It usually happened cuz I missed a key signal or didn’t fill in her box the blank with the right password. There was a time when I dropped the ball and didn’t even realize it til years later when the chick told me sumthin like “I really had a thing for you a couple years ago.” She thought the words of honesty were harmless at the time, though they were more like salt in the proverbial wound. I could’ve, should’ve, and would’ve beat, but my intermediate level gamesmanship failed me. Arg. To be young and stupid.
I was thinking about all this good stuff recently. I asked a sexy woman female friend if it’s really that easy for a dude to drop the ball when a chick is out and lookin’ for someone to cure her Mandingo Syndrome symptoms (Pronounced “Give me D or give me death”) She quickly nodded yes. I was honestly amazed at how small the window of opportunity can be, even after the guy proves that he’s heterosexual and not on the DL. The usage of one wrong word or a brief period of silence in a conversation can be the difference between the warmth inside and being left out in the cold phoning your friend to come pick you up. I guess this is what makes game…game.
Us men folk are drastically different usually. Even though we too can tell immediately if we’d have sex with a woman, a lot of the other filter stuff goes out the window. If we just lookin’ to go deep, we don’t care where she went to school, what sports or groups she was a part of, how much swagger she has, and BS like that. We don’t care if she has great conversation skills, unless we’re conversing about how to get somewhere private so that we can frolick in the nude. The point for us is that she looks decent, we would beat, and we just need to get to an environment that is conducive to beating. I mean let’s think about it. How often does a decent looking woman with clean breath and no body odor get called out for “dropping the ball” with a single and heterosexual man? Exactly.
So for today, I’m curious. Is it really that easy for a dude to drop the ball with a woman that has initial interest in him? Are their dudes out there that have passed on a smash opportunity because a woman made a critical mistake during conversation (i.e. Talking to her was borderline painful)? Does any of this even matter when you’re wild horny and just looking for a mildly attractive person to free your loins of tension? Hmm…
Catching, Scoring, Sleeping,
It's pretty easy to talk your way out of my diamond paradise.. I've been petty in my years.. The ball has been dropped when:
1. He's called me "diva" even after I told him repeatedly not to. (I hate that word.) This guy was FINE too.
2. An annoying laugh.
3. Because he did some similation of s3x with his hips and it was so uns3xy that I figured I'd better not even chance the disappointment. LOL.
4. Really weird breathing… I couldn't imagine him on top of me breathing like that. UGH.
Man it's like a game of ball bro… You can turn the ball over so easy or miss out on an easy scoring opportunity – just like that….
Like Nikki said "It’s pretty easy to talk your way out of my diamond paradise.." lol
@ Nikki, by the way – I heard you were the female version of a hustla aka Diva! lmaooooo
I say yes! It really is that easy. Like all you need to do is have one slip up…like say one of thing, have foul breath, or look at your phone too long…
Nicki-DIVAS!
Women cant drop the ball as far as smashing goes but they can definatlly drop the relationship ball and be confined to the "jump off" bench.
"@ Nikki, by the way – I heard you were the female version of a hustla aka Diva! lmaooooo"
"Nicki-DIVAS!"
SLICING MY WRISTS in T minus five.
Ummm I see your point and it makes good sense. Considering with me, dude is going to be holding the ball for quite some time before he can dunk. So there are many opportunities for him to loose his footing and drop the ball. Aim for the championship, not just a great play or a single win.
Yes, it is oh so easy to drop the ball!
Rule one – stay outta poltics! I'm a political junkie & if you start spitting some nonsense tryna sounds ejumacated I'mma laugh at you.
Dirty fingernails = ball DROPPED! Why would I let you touch me & you can't even keeps your hands properly clean?
Saying "shawty", sucking your teeth a lot, get too touchy feely too soon, being a bad/rhytmless dancer (if it's funny tho, you might get a pass), having on stupid undwear (SpongeBob boxers, why do they exist in adult sizes?)
If you make it to the promised land, I always do my best to make it worthwhile – every old Joe the Plumber can't be getting in!
@ The Don – you dead on about that. If you ask me about my car on the first date (unless you make it clear that you're a car enthusiast) you dropped the ball
We all have to remember that everyone drops the ball. My old high school football coach used to say "Hey, they drop in the pros too"
LOL My friend and I joke about this constantly. I think men forget that they're standing on a precipice that can go either way in a manner of seconds. They start to believe they're home-free and act up prematurely. I could be ready & primed at the restaurant, and the guy manages to reverse all of that by the time we make it home by saying the wrong thing or squeezing my thigh too audaciously. Men should just shush sometimes. Just shush and you'll get farther.
Just thinking about this brings backs memories of failed attempts and post joaning (read: clowning) sessions.
What's always great though, what always "rally's the troops" is when there is a great comeback. It's just like the player who misses the layup, but then quickly makes a steal for a grand dunk. It's his first mistake that makes the final outcome that much more impressive.
@Slim: If she thought to bring up the fact that she liked you before … go ahead and push for that multi-year comeback. You can get a plaque in the hall of great moments in hook up history.
Haha. First off, I love that picture up there. I love how the Opportunity of Hot Sex is represented in a ball that oddly looks like the Pepsi logo…and by extension, very similar to the Obama campaign logo.
And yes, it is way easy to drop the ball. Non-swagger definitely being one of them.
Co-signing on the bad dancing, and too touchy feely too soon.
Runner ups:
– If the first question outta your mouth is "Do you have any kids?". The hell? I know what YOU'RE on. Next.
– If you have a jheri curl.
– If you have no sense of humor.
– If you have gold teef. Because it just looks like your breath stank.
– If you're too close-minded.
And I agree with Jac that it only takes ONE thing. If it's big enough it can set the (unfortunately bad) tone for the rest of the evening.
@Reina "Men should just shush sometimes. Just shush and you’ll get farther."
Yes! If she's interested, most women make a man out to be charming, romantic, witty, funny, mysterious, insert-appropriate-potential-panty-dropping-adjective, until he proves her wrong.
If you tell me anything about your sexual past that makes my dreads stand on in you are automatically put on the "jump off bench" i dont care how many shots you and that midget took there is no excuse for that video
Yeah the ball can be dropped easily, many female friends have told me this. He can look good and have a free pass to the panties but if he opens his mouth and cant converse, admission denied. Girls can too, if your fun place isn't well maintained (smelling right), you just lost one.
@Reign: Sounds like a game of endurance.lol.
@Reina: "Men should shush sometimes" I think this is great advice for the bursty. If it's obvious the chick is feeling him just off the strength of his looks, he just needs to maintain til he can get her home.
@SBM: I've already made man history with some of my chronicles. You do have a point. Perhaps it was mentioned now for a reason. Come to think of it, the comeback victories are the greatest of all!
@Cheekie: Glad you like the picture. I was glad I found it as well.
More to come later…meeting time!
You ain't never lied Slim! Great post!
@ Reina
You speak the truth. I personally think that a woman knows if she will sleep with a man in the first couple of seconds that she sees him. This man starts off with an "A"…after that the grade can either stay the same or get lower (quickly).
well i'm a man and i've passed up having sex with females that i was initially interested in (although very rarely). lol.
the few times that it did happen it was something like oh "you know such and such". 'such and such' was the last person i wanted to know about me fucking you. so no go.
another time we were just bought to get it in. and she said to me "you know if you fuck me then you can't leave me alone". seeing as how we went to school together and our school isn't that big. i just couldn't do it. if she didn't say that, i'd probably would have smashed even though i know i shouldn't have. lol.
@ Slim: Indeed it is, for many reasons lol
Reina “Men should just shush sometimes. Just shush and you’ll get farther.”
Yes, ma'am! It reminds me of that Helen Hunt quote from As Good As It Gets:
"When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome… and then, of course, you spoke"
so glad I'm NOT into casual sex LMAO, and/or settling for a warm body who does the minimum to show interest, like breathing LOL…thats all I can ADD to this —–>
This reminds me of my younger days. I have dropped the ball several times. How did I drop the ball?
1) Being honest.
2) Not picking up on blatant cues that she wants you to smash.
3) Taking myself out of the game when i'm leading the race. I usually don't expect to win with most women.
I have also turned women down for asking me the wrong ish or being too much of a tack or chicken head.
Its DEF easy to drop the ball. At times, I may just bounce off the strength of the female being total bore, or I discover her inner crazy and choose not to become a Jasmine Sullivan Statistic.
Sometimes, you'll be the dude who hits the triple and gets stranded at home. That is what truly sucks!
Definitely your funniest post yet— I realize now that I have definitely sent many men home from the club looking glum!!
And to answer the question, a man may drops the ball with the most subtle slip up because women tend to be quite intuitive, but with some women, THE MAN NEVER HELD THE BALL IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sometimes, when we're in a social situations and we really are feeling a fella, we might send seductive signals that could be misconstrued as an invitation to bed by the lurking man who's thinking with his other head. But really— we're just enjoying the conversation. Other women, have no swagger, or wit whatsoever so they drench their conversation with sexual innuendos to get their male target to linger, but really, they never wanted to have sex either. They just wanted to get to know him more and spark a romance. Sometimes, the whole idea of 'dropping the ball' is more a matter of intentions being lost in translation. Some women, simply won't hop in the bed with someone they just met, no matter how hard their feeling him.
But then again, truth be told, there are some men (God bless 'em) with so much sophistication and swagger that they can talk even the most elevated woman out of her lace panties. But that's a rare (and awe inspiring) talent.
I agree with most of what has been said in other comments. A guy can drop the ball in so many different ways. Mentioning sex on a 1-3 date (for me anyway), only communicating via txt messages, being overly criticalmean to people (being rude to waiters or talking smack about random people), being overly cocky, lack of oral hygene etc… Its so unecessary and makes the panties come back up and are glued to my waist. But if a guy is very attractive and intelligent i'll usually give a second chance provided the 1st fumble wasn't foul
@Slim- I cosign SBM. Go for the girl who said she used to like you. Chances are she still does and you have a chance. People usually don't say things like that for no reason
dam- i spelle dmy pseudonym wrong lol
@hnic: 49 women dog? really?lol.
@ayesha Thanks for the FB shout. I won't let the cat outta the bag here.lol. As for your comment, I have great disdain for the woman that fills her conversations with sexual innuendos but isn't about the business. Grrrrrr.
@satya: I'm somewhat surprised ur cosigning with SBM on this one.lol. I like your style. Your feelings about text messages are quite common. Once you secure the bunz the first time though, text message is an easy way to set up future sessions.
wut u doin 2nite?
chillin. u?
i'll come over after this party.
aight.cool.
drop the ball?
we must live in different eras, much less different states.
or perhaps its just the age gap.
30 something black men dont normally go out lookin for booty.
we did that from 12-26 with the full court press.
the 30 something WOMAN at her sexual peak and still a spinster? umm YA dats who be out in full force trying to slam dunk the single black boytoy.
theres more single educated middle class women, than there are single black educated males…. by ALOT. how exactly are you guys dropping the ball? she has to fuck YOU, not the other way around.
but… for a moment lets PRETEND you have a massive sex drive or are under the age of 25. you “should” have some cougar fluffing your dick on the side.
I know any of yall can pull a woman who is a 7 or an 8 for a woman around 40, and shes just happy to have company, so its no drama, always a blowjob and breakfast every morning you bless her with staying.
so with that in your back pocket… why do you STRESS and panic when the pressure is on with a potential or even beg for sex?
the women on this blog can tell you a thousand and one things about what they want, but seriously.. they dont even know.
the one overlaying thing that makes a woman WANT your ass is how powerful you appear.
I think the black folks call it “swagger”
if you have to close the deal, or slam dunk, or fumble to ball.. your not in the mindset to get the chick anyway.
do you think billy dee williams worried about “dropping the ball”
as for “Are their dudes out there that have passed on a smash opportunity because a woman made a critical mistake during conversation (i.e. Talking to her was borderline painful)?”
yes of course. when I was single i remember it got to the point where my dick had an ego. and my brain had ADD. so if I could have more fun playing Madden football than I could playing with her labia …. why even bother?
what seperates women getting booty and men getting booty is women for the most part are clingy and have the potential to be more crazy.
if I slept with a chick then didnt call her because she was too fat for me, she would call up my phone and drop by my hangout spots.
if a woman sleeps with a guy and then dosent call him… we put up 2 fingas and say PEACE.
I had 49 women last year, I have called NONE of them after I got married and pretty much none of them after the dating was done.
conversely, I still get crank phonecalls from women, nasty emails, and even blowing up my myspace with crazy drama…
so with all that in mind of how crazy women can be, hell friggin yeah a woman can talk herself out of gettin the dick.
slim, I pretty much doccumented my dating life on this blog starting way back at when I was begging like a doggy and simpin on my dates all the way to me trying not to be the next spinster/omorosas/angry black womans boytoy for the night every other weekend.
pleased to meet ya brotha man.
but i have to agree with streets. never let a woman cum before you do. because she then realizes she has made a mistake and wont let you finish either. to any woman who has been single "this long" that she makes booty calls … shes a selfish person anyway. so freezing up after she is dont is very much in their being.
only thing worse than dropping the ball is not finishing the game.
Back in the day all it took was a wrong word in an inappropriate sentence.
I have told a man to turn around and take me back home before we had even made it to the restaurant just because his conversation was wack! Another time when I was driving him (which is a no-no in my book)… I pulled up to a 7-11 and asked him to get me an orange juice then pulled off while he was in the store…
Yea, yea, yea…but I tell you…words can make you or break you…or it could have been the red leather pants he had on.
These days I just turn and walk away in mid-sentence…don't want him or me wasting our breath one moment longer.
@ Slim- I'm just saying I highly doubt I would tell a guy i used to like him for no reason. Go get her grasshopper
I hate when the ball is dropped after the sexing has happened. Sometimes its not about getting the drawers its about being able to get it when you want it. I went to check a dude, we stopped by the store and he had the nerve to ask me to borrow money to buy something to eat, even though we were on the way to his house. WTF?!!!! I never picked up the phone after that. Such a turn off!
i dropped the ball really hard yesterday.
her: want to go to church with me?
me: nah, but can you pray for my boy D? he's having hard times…
her: D who?
me: DEEEEZZZZ NUUUUTTTSSSS….
her: that was inappropriate.
me: **facepalm**