Awhile ago, I decided to open up a little and share with everybody some of my “quirks” when it came to the opposite sex. These were things that really “did’ it for me, but weren’t necessarily the norm and really specific … things a lot of my friend just couldn’t feel me on.

Well today … I figured I’d let ya’ll into the mind of this SBM once again … but focus on the things I hate. I mean things that a lot of people probably overlook, don’t notice, or just don’t care about … but not only do I notice … I really care about them. I’m talking about things that would take a phat booty dime … and turn into a broke down 5 … with no remorse. Its a shame sometimes … and I’m trying to let them go one by one … but sometimes your just traumatized for life and no amount of therapy being clowned by your friends will overcome it.

So I present … SBM’s list of Quirky dealbreakers.

Bad Nails

Before I mentioned how I love a girl with French Tip nails. I mean they elicit a reaction in my body that just … uh … nm. Anyways, the opposite is just as detrimental. There are two things what I just can’t live with, can’t stand, and can’t put up with no matter how great the personality, how big them breasts, or how tight the head game is.

One: Nail polish that is chipped and coming off. My “girlfriend” in kindergarden would puton nail polish, and then let it wear off until it was just little dots left. She was 6. There is no reason a grown a$$ woman can’t get some polish remover.

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Two: Dirt under your nails, toe or finger. Just the thought of those nails touching my face or skin scare me. I know it sounds soft … but you can only get the pumpington a max of 2 times with nail grime.

Not knowing SAT words

My vocabulary is … pretty good. I’m not running around using **hyperbole**every 15 minutes, but I’m not gonna be stumped when I hear it. When I drop a simple word in a sentence and you can’t use context clues to guess it, and its not that hard of a word … please get off me, or call the waiter, or excuse me while I get off the phone … because I’m officially done.

**flashback**

Ms. MBA: You always want s*x! Why can’t we just chill and watch TV?
SBM: We do chill. We do watch TV. I just think it would make a great end to the night.
Ms. MBA: But I’m saying … can’t you hold me.
SBM: ** long pause and the serious side eye ** I’m not attacking you like a ravenous dog … I’m always respectful (as I palm her booty).
Ms. MBA: How am I suppose to react to that when I don’t know what ravenous means?
SBM: Where did you get your MBA from again?
Ms. MBA: What? Why?
SBM: Don’t worry about it. I gotta go home … I forgot the oven on.

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Call me a snob, call me stuck up, call it whatever … but these chics can buy a reading dictionary and a thesaurus and holla in 6 months.

Popping Gum

This has to rank on the list of the top 5 most annoying things a human can do. When on the metro and sitting next to the hood chick who pops her gum every 6 minutes, I literally have to change cars before I turn into the Incredible Hulk and leave downtown Washington, DC in ruins. You get about 3 chances … then … I’m reducing you to jump off status done with you.

Red Polish

Going back to my obsession with nails, I hate red nail polish. I have been known to let it go as long as its not a regular habit, but only 1 out of every 250 women can rock it right and look good. Half the time it just stick out against the skin and looks … well … atrocious (is that a big word … cause that would activate the above quirk). But some point a choice has to be made … me or the color.

Peep toe shoes

I will admit that I have finally overcome this one, but for the longest I couldn’t stand peep toe shoes. I have always been a fan of open toed shows, I mean a huge fan. A french manicure and some sexy sandals would actually make me hit a u turn while walking, bypass any **propensity to holla issues**, and activate the “holla” sequence. When these peep toes came out, I just thought your half a$$ing it. Go hard or go home I said! But … through an intensive 6 week program … I actually like em now.

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Flip Flops

No explanation here … I just think their an abomination … end of story.

Now … before I hit everyone with the “let me know your quirks” line … I must say QUIRKS ARE VERY PARTICULAR AND UNIQUE! Last time I did this you heard people saying “I don’t like a guy who smokes crack” … well duh! If no one will call bullsh*t on your “quirk”, if its accepted by the majority of people, or if its just common sense (e.g. he can’t be gay) … then its not a quirk. Again … “She can’t be crazy” is not a quirk, but “I can’t stand a girl with a second toe longer than the first” counts. Feel me?

Ok … so … let me know what your quirks are people? Is it actually the same with everybody and I’m not being “extra”? Am I crazy for really canceling a date because her nail polish hadn’t been touched up in weeks? What are the little things that no matter how dumb and insignificant … you just can’t get past? Do we all just need a little therapy … or me?

– SBM … The SAT Verbal King