Ever bought something because you saw a hot ass commercial or the salesperson told you it was the greatest thing since sliced bread AND it was the ninth wonder of the world?  The box looked real fancy, the display looked banging, and you envisioned yourself being happy with your new purchase.

But once you took it home, it looked nothing like the display and was rather disappointing.  At this point you’re sitting at home damning the salesperson and the ad company to hell, hitting up facebook, twitter and myspace telling people how this supposedly wonderful thing  that you just got suckered into coppin’ is the epitomy of false advertising.

Fortunately, when you find yourself in this situation, you could possibly take this hyped up merchandise back to the store and re-coup your funds, or at the very least get something from a brand you trust that’s of the same value.  However, on the dating scene, when you come across similarly false advertised “goods”, while you might be able to get them off your hands, but you can in no way get the time back you’ve invested in acquiring this particular set of goodies.  Now, both men and women can find themselves in this situation, but seeing as this isn’t SFM.net, I’ll spit the fire from the male point of view and let one of our many articulate female readers add their two cents in the comment section.   Every dude that comes thru here has had one or all of the following happen to them:

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The Shaqueeta House of Hair Special

Yep, you spot shorty at the bar, or have had your eye on her for sometime in whatever the particular setting may be, and the first thing you noticed is that her hair is always on point, only to find out that she got more tracks than the high school you went to.  At least with extensions you know what you’re getting yourself into, but once you step out of that realm, only God knows what slickness Shaqueeta has in her bag of tricks to make shorty look like she’s ready for the runway.  Normally I’d advise finding a slick way to run your hand through her head or giving her hair a good tug to see what happens, but unless you’ve been in the gym practicing pull and roll boxing drills, you might find yourself on the wrong end of a C. Brown beatdown.  Yea, I said it.

You Can Rent Those?

It’s a rough economy, and everyone is trying to make ends meet and stretch a dollar.  I understand the need want for certain labels in your closet and on your person, but if you can’t afford to be a label whore, leave it to the John’s that can actually afford it.  The worst thing in the world is meeting Ms. I got it goin’ on and then watching her barely be able to pay for her drink as she pulls out some crumpled up dollar bills out of her rented Balenciaga bag.  Seriously shorty, forget about the rental cuz you know that’s all for show…and besides I ain’t looking in ya purse, I’m lookin’ in ya shirt.  Speaking of which…

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Victoria’s Hidden Secret

Probably just as disappointing as realizing what you previously thought was Indian hair is actually Seabiscuit’s mane is watching perky sweater puppies turn into deflated balloons.  The bra comes off, the cleavage goes out the window and even though this is your perfect opportunity to stare, you’re tryin’ not to because you’re in disbelief rather than amazement.  You damn near gotta pick em up like a sub sammich to put ’em in ya mouth…and hey, if that’s what you’re working with, that’s fine, just let a brother know before the launch codes are put in.

“I’ma Put It On Ya”

This has to be the most disappointing method of false advertising for all parties involved.  You’ve been promised to have your world rocked, your toes curled and to be taken to heights previously unknown to mankind, only to be laying in bed a few minutes later wishing you had a V8 or a L instead.  Or maybe you’ve been promised every little nasty thing your heart desires only to show up in the rampin’ shop and be presented with a list of what she ain’t about to do and body sized diagram labeling all the places you can’t put it.

I know all the ladies that come thru here were ready to split my wig after the second paragraph, but like I said fellas stay frontin’ so feel free to let us know what irks you about all the “my mama lives with me” cats that are out there.   But on both sides of the coin, I really want to know what drives people to such lengths to make their appearance into something it’s really not.  Yea, I know no one wants to look shabby, but yours truly shan’t be rockin’ any S-Curl activator or draws to make my piece look bigger. (Sh*t, if it looked any bigger the state would make me pay property taxes on it.)  Anyway, it’s Friday, so speak on it!

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