A welcomed surprise her at SBM.net … we have a letter from a male reader.  He’s got an issue, I got a few answer’s, ya’ll have a lot more … let’s get together and help a brother out.


My girl is a blogger and I am cool with that. She actually turned me on to blogging, well I just comment mostly. But I would not have really gotten into it if it was not for her. But she actually has a blog where she posts all the time. I have read a lot of them and found some pretty interesting things. Things about sexual escapades and things guys have done to her in her past. We have an open relationship where we can discuss anything from our past sexually and what actually took place. I decided to ask her about the particular incident she was talking about on a blog and she snapped. She asked me why was I investigating her. I don’t think I was investigating her. She said she did not have a problem with me asking or reading it so I was confused on the “investigation” part. I was just reading what she put out there for everyone else to see. Is there an unwritten rule that you can’t bring up what someone has written on a blog? Or do bloggers not expect for that to never come back on them? Look I don’t care that she blogs or what she blogs about. But I feel like if you can go into detail with people you don’t know, then you should be able to talk about it with me. I could see if she was Miss Anonymous but her face is plastered on all these blogs and these people are her friends on facebook and other sites and it is linked to her real name. If it is such a big secret then she surely is not acting like it is. Am I wrong for inquiring about things she has written?

Inpsector Gadget (So she say LOL!!)

This … this hits a little close to home.  There is literally a public searchable database of my opinions on love, marriage dating, stories of my past “exploits”, and public fights and arguments with my ex’s.  There is a lot of me in this site, and while it’s one of my proudest achievements … it’s also has some of my more unflattering moments.  But at the end of the date … it’s all me.  I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.  And while I protect my gov’t identity to ensure I have a place of employment … I am SBM and SBM is me.

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Before I got in my last relationship … I was dating my current girlfriend.  I didn’t tell her about the blog, because it wasn’t necessary at the time.  But when I decided she was someone special and I was ready to put a label on it … she had to know my secret.

I sat her down.  Buttered her up with a nice dinner, and poured her a glass of wine. Opened up my laptop … and told her I had something to show her.

I opened up the site. told her all about it.  I warned her about some of the worst parts, told about some of my accomplishments, and told her to take some time and read through it all.

I have told several bloggers this story.  Several of them thought I was insane. “Why did you tell her?” “Why do you think she needs to know?” And I told them they were all crazy.

**prepare for the softness**

A key component to any good relationship is trust and transparency.  Not only should I be able to trust someone enough to tell them my secrets and let them into my life, and I should also want to share with them more and more about me.  At some point, the line from where you end and she starts will merge … and unity is formed.

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So how the f*** are we united and you don’t know why I’m running into the living room at 1230 am on a Thursday night?

So, as a blogger … whatever you share with your readers should be open to your S.O.  You shouldn’t feel bad for reading, and she should actually appreciate the fact that you read her stuff.

In terms of you asking about it … well .. that’s tricky.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether it was on a blog, from a friend of yours, or a youtube video … you are only allowed to ask about important things.  Asking about random facts of the person past (unless this is a common theme) is sure to spark a bad taste in the other person mouth.

For example, there is a story on her of me retelling a one night stand.  If it was found and read by the love of my life, so be it.  If she asks about it … ok.  But if she starts questioning things like “was she prettier than me” or “did you go down there with her” … uh … at that point I’m going to be annoyed.  I’ll answer them because … whatever … but I will wonder why does it matter.

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So my confused friend, there is no code for a lot of us.  If you put stuff out there in the open with your name and picture attached … you shouldn’t be mad when it comes back on ya.  If ya did it … and told on it … own it!

SBM Fam … agreee?  Feel me? Any of you bloggers? Any of you dating bloggers? Did I miss the memo about the code?

– SBM aka The Open Book aka “I was drunk … it was out of town … I was single … it was before you. Don’t be mad love.”