Funny virgin quote

Adina Howard proclaimed it from the highest stripper pole rooftop. Hip-hop emcees fantasize and prophecies about these individuals. Women’s toes curl at the mere mention of a male who bears this label. Even the great Ludacris wanted to have many one of these women christen his boudoir. Of course, I’m talking about freaks! These paragons of sexual supremacy are revered in relationships, strip clubs, videos, movies, pornos and the like. The word freak also serves as taboo because some closed minded individuals associate the word freak with a whore. Whether you love them or hate them, a question came across my desk from a young lady who needed to know “What defines a freak?” Me being, the man that I am, I thought about this topic and came up with a few ways to define this phrase. Throw on your freshest pair of Nike Boots Space Jams and walk with me:

Streetz ways of what defines a freak

No Ceilings

This individual will leave no stone unturned when it comes to bedroom activity. Their freakosity (yes I said freakosity) is solely restricted by their imagination. They will do anything and everything in the bedroom. Inviting another woman to play a game of Three Ways To Take it? CHECK! Toys? Check That thing that some dudes only get from their shorties on their birthdays? Check. Hanging off the ceilings to give the story a happy ending? Why not?! These individuals aren’t bashful or timid. They will stop at nothing to experience the highest levels of erotic nirvana possible. Don’t eff it up. Well, eff it, but don’t eff it up! You know what I mean!

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Freaks will be some of the most sexually adventurous people you know. They’ll be the ones do it anywhere. They will do it in a bar. They will do it in a car. These are the people who live for the thrill of getting caught while justifying their love in all the right places. I’m talking that whisper in the ear that says “Follow me to the bathroom so I can fcuk your brains out” type of freakish action. No triple X rated movie director could script their actions any better, and it’s never a dull moment in a public place! If you experience the type of random sexual encounters with your *insert PC term for someone you eff here* that resembles an episode of Cinemax After Dark, you have a certified freak in your midst.

Sex Drive

Ladies, these are the dudes who are the antithesis of the one-minute man. Fellas, these are the women who scream like a jackal in heat and can speak a thousand different dialects when reaching El O Grande. You have the sex of legends. The type of sex that makes you miss work, that AM flight, or your favorite show. The type of sex that wakes you up first thing in the morning for round 7. Fellas, it’s straight Tropicana in them panties, and you’ll have to recite Global Studies lessons in your head in order to avoid a false start. “Persian Empire, Egypt… damn this shyt is good!!” They seem to have a switch that turns on and off and they go from 0 to OMG MPG in about 2.2 seconds! If you mess with a freak, get your popcorn ready!!! It’s gonna be a looong night!

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You already know the drill. No need to #swindle. Let me know if you think it’s easy to tell a freak from a normal individual. Add to the list to what defines a freak in your opinion. Contradict the one I created. Do as you please, just like a freak would!

The High Priest of Humpday,