A few things you should know about SBM (me):

  • I want to get married. I’ve always looked forward to hanging up the jersey and getting out of the game
  • I currently have a girlfriend who is … well … the absolute f*ing greatest.

I want to get married.  I know with a name like Single Black Male there may be an incorrect perception that I’m some swinging Hugh Heffener type of bachelor who plans to stay in the game forever … but that isn’t the case.  I am a firm believer in marriage, and while I feel too many guys are unfairly rushed into it, it still is the best route for most of us.

But even with my lifelong goal of a happy marriage, a happy 2 orgasm a day wife, and some nobel prize winning kids … I have no desire to endure the long and arduous process to reach marriage.  My hatred for the traditional overpriced, over-planned, and reason for a bunch of people I don’t care for to get drunk on my dime non-intimate wedding runs deep, but even before I can lament on that … I must endure the dreaded proposal.

Yeah … I want to get married without a proposal!

The “I” in the title tells you that this might not apply to every man.  There are probably some guys looking forward to this magical moment.  Some poor simptatstic (yeah … an SBM original word) individual looking forward to getting on one knee and waiting in that awkward moment of frozen time for a response.

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Uh … not me.

In traditional SBM fashion, let me spell out the reasons that this “momentous” event is something I dread.

She could say no

While I know that as a man I am genetically endowed with the ability shake off rejection as if it never happened, this rejection falls into the category of “super rejection.”  While I can take a girl refusing to give me her number or thinking that I’m not the greatest thing walking (I kinda am) … I don’t think I’m prepared to handle an unfavorable response to “Will you marry me.”  My skin just ain’t that thick.

The Preparation

For those of you who know me, I like to do things … right.  Not saying I have to do it big with fireworks and pointless expenses, but everything I do needs to be well coordinated and properly executed.  While most things have well established guidelines that I can adhere to (there are whole magazines dedicated to wedding for example), a unique and well executed proposal does not seem easy.  And given the fact that it might not go the way I want, I have no desire to put in the work.

It’s all for her

While I am a firm believer in doing what I need to do to make her happy, I also have a duty as SBM to stand in opposition of outdated traditions that 100% favor the woman with complete disregard to the man.  The whole thing ends in a 10 minute finale that I get to stress over for months and she “oohs” at for an hour, when realistically most people know well before hand if it’s going to happen or not.  Seems like a lot of smoke and mirrors so she has a story to tell her girlfriends.

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The f*ing ring

I have been overly focal on my hatred of engagement rings. If a proposal is the Super Bowl, then the engagement ring is the New Orleans Saints (you knew there were gonna win).  A whole “event” that should be about one man asking marriage of his special girl, but really it’s just a countdown to seeing the ring.

As with valentine’s day, foot rubs, and cunnilingus (scratch that … I like doing that) buying flowers … a proposal is another thing I must do to live up to my title as a good boyfriend/fiancee/husband.  I have accepted my fate and when the day comes, I will make sure it is something to write home about.

But still … I will loathe the proposal.

Am I being extra?  Am I the only guy who feels this way?  Are there any women who think the elaborate proposal needs to be put to rest like the Colts’ hope of a Super Bowl ring?

– SBM aka I want the marriage, but not trying to work to get there aka I don’t wanna be “single” forever