Never!

I consider myself to be a manly man. I burp, watch and play sports, drink beer, walk around the house in basketball shorts even when playing basketball isn’t on the agenda, and I love me some t*tties. And as a man, I know there are a lot of things expected of me by booski type peoples. Yeah, I’ll carry the groceries, sit in the store while you shop, put my arms around you while you cook, stroke you down in the kitchen, tell you how delicious you are, hold you close when you’re scared or upset, and a bunch of other stuff. But quite honestly, there are some things I just won’t do. That whole “You should do anything for the one you love!” foolishness has its limits. So for today, I’m going to tell you about a few of the things I just won’t do at this point in my life for the Booski O’Snookums.

Ride on a Motorcycle

Yeah, I know that women think men on motorcycles are s*xy and are more prone to let them accelerate into their garages. I’m just gonna have to be ugly then.  I will never own one or ride one. I value my life. If the boo owns one, I will not be caught hanging on to her for dear life while she pushes 80 mph. That’s not a good look as a man. However, I will buy her accessories and a bike jacket that says “You touch. You die. Call Slim for questions.”

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Roller Coasters

Aight, so I’ll go on a roller coaster once every 5-10 years just to see if that awful drop feeling in my stomach has gone away. But other than that, no way. No way. No how. I will hold shorty’s jacket while she stands in line or I’ll invite a thrill seeking female friend that she gets along with to go on there with her. I’ll even have a cold beverage waiting for her when she gets off—just like after s*x.

Hard Core Horror Films

If a movie has been promoted as the scariest or most gruesome film of the year, I won’t go unless I read the spoiler online and determine that it won’t be that bad. Unfortunately, when I read the spoilers it usually turns out to be just as scary and gruesome as indicated in previews. What will I do? I’ll walk her to the theater, buy her the plane ticket and some popcorn, and hope there ain’t some other man in there eating the snacks I bought her and holding her close. If that does turn out to be the case, trust me it will be a gruesome scene. Just kidding…sorta.

Toss Salad

I don’t care if you just got out the shower. I will lick all around the slot of life and let my chin glisten as you clap my head with your thighs, but there ain’t no way in hell I’m going to put my tongue around your booty-hole and even attempt to act like I enjoy it. Not me. Not ever. Wait, that’s the only way you can get off? Hmm, then I’ll never be able to make you blast off. Go find true love darling. Go find true love.

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Nothing too complicated today. After last week’s shenanigans, I figured I’d lighten things up a bit as well. Are there things you just won’t do for a boo? Are there things you’re boo just won’t do for you that drive you nuts? How do you feel about the items in this list? How do you explain to a significant other why you won’t do certain things? Let me know and let it flow. Pause.

I’m Still a Man Though,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: www.threewaystotakeit.com