Most breaks ain't this sweet.

The following takes place over the phone on some random day between a couple that has been going through some tough times.

Agnes: Hey.
Harry: Hey. What’s up?
Agnes: I’ve been doing some thinking…
Harry: Yeah, so have I. (Harry is ready to tell her that he’s committed to her and wants to work things out)
Agnes: I think we should take a break.
Harry: What?
Agnes: Yeah, I think we both need time to clear our heads and work out our own issues.
Harry: **Grits teeth** If you think that’s best, then fine. I want this to work and I want to see you happy.
Agnes: K. Well, let’s keep in touch in the mean time. Love you.
Harry: Love you too.
Agnes: **Hangs up and calls Larry Longstroke to help her clear her head, mind, and spine while she clears his lower head only.**

Harry is a variety of things. He’s a simp and his spine his weak. Little does he know his girl is getting her spine rearranged by a Sugard*ck Man Whore (I didn’t make this up). This is quite despicable on both ends. This is why I don’t do breaks. I understand that sometimes people love each other and need to take some time to figure things out, but breaks are the absolute worst option ever. And rolling with the theme of lists, I’m going to include a list of reasons why I don’t do breaks or any other trial periods.

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It’s authorization to legally cheat

I’ve done breaks in the past. And honestly, every time there was a break someone did something with someone else somewhere else. I’m not going to lie and say I’ve been an angel every time. But c’mon, I didn’t want to be the fool! This concept of the break allows smart people to rationalize shady actions. Not a fan.

It’s a Cop Out

After being in a relationship with someone for a while, some people really don’t know how to call it quits. It’s like a person who’s putting in their 2 week notice with a company they’ve worked for over the past 5-10 years. They know their time there has come to an end and they just don’t know how to set up that meeting with the boss to drop the words “I’m f*ckin’ outta here.” Just (wo)man up say how you feel. No point in going on a break when you have no real intent of getting back together. Imagine your company saying “We don’t need you for a bit” and you’re just sitting at home waiting for the call and they already hired a new person to take your place. You go in the office and see a picture of some overweight kids and your stuff in a box. Lame buckets.

It’s Immature…Most of the Time

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When a married couple separates, they know what time it is. They’re both out there knowingly seeing other people and bringing new lovers over while the kids are with the other parent. “Me and so-and-so are on a break” just means that someone wasn’t grown enough to call it quits. Sit down with the person and tender your resignation rather than say you’re going on vacation and never coming back.

So yeah, those are just some of my thoughts on this concept of breaks. What do you think? Do breaks ever really have a happy ending? Who is more likely to utilize the “we need to take a break” line to find a way out of the confines of their relationship? Have you ever taken a break? Let us know.

“Take a break” my a$$,

Twitter: @slimjackson Website: