Kanye said it best when he lamented, “We go through too much bullsh*t just to mess with these drunk and hot girls.” It’s quite true, how else do you explain shoving a bottle of Patron down the throat of some 5’2”, 115lb, shorty with a fatty? You gave her all that tequila and didn’t expect her to get drunk? You’re dumb. But let’s talk about these women for a second, what are the types and how do you spot them when you see them?

Before I go into my message, let me get some assumptions together. Women, we know that when you say tipsy, that’s equivalent to a man’s drunk. When a woman says drunk, she means, she doesn’t remember nothing. Jesus could have come and she would be still searching for her cell phone.

1. Belligerent girls – She said, something about Obama, her older brother, $20 and a Gucci bag. Who knows?
2. Frisky girls – These girls get tipsy and they want to hug everyone, they black out and they want to kiss their “female” friends. The next day they “don’t remember” anything”, but it keeps happening.
3. Laid out girls – It’s a good thing they knew someone with a table, because this girl is laid out in the VIP. Two of her friends are arguing over whether to give her water and if that will make her vomit.
4. Hold my hair girls –Everybody really enjoyed dinner, but they didn’t need to see it twice.
5. Where is your shoe? girls – It’s always someone who thinks it’s a good idea to take her shoes off and walk around the club. It’s one thing to be on a couch, it’s another thing when you are at the bar.
6. Talkative girls – They want to tell you a story in the club. They have no idea that you 1) can’t understand them, and 2) don’t care.
7. Carl Thomas’s girls – As soon as they get drunk, they need to cry about something. On her birthday, she’s good for it. If there’s a bad man in her life, the tears will come in abundance.
8. Down for the triz girls – They get a little tipsy and then they start opening up to the idea of your boy. Before she knows it, she’s standing in a room surround by three dudes, and she ain’t got no clothes on.
9. Wobble but they don’t fall down girls – Every time she tries to walk somewhere her legs get to wobbling, and she might even have to drop a hand down to keep from falling, but she won’t fall.
10. No friend having girls – You were drinking before the club, and none of your friends asked you to do something with your hair, put makeup on appropriately, or wear something a little less revealing?
11. Where are my keys, I lost my phone girls – She is trying to look for her keys to drive home, but she emptied her purse all over the dance floor and is now on all fours looking for it.
12. I Want to Go to McDonald’s girls – Now that you done had a little bit to drink, now your big a*s wants to make it worse by getting some fast food after the club. She ate 5 chicken nuggets and a junior bacon cheeseburger and fell asleep, snoring.
13. You on something else ain’t you? girls – These girls show no signs of being drunk, they also are wide awake at 4AM. Either that, or you touch them and they say, “aah, do it again.”
14. Think they got kidnapped girls – She is convinced that someone is trying to kidnap her. She is in the backseat of the car, kicking and screaming, and calling everyone out their name.
15. Put your clothes back on girls – Have you ever had a friend who abnormally got naked when they got drunk? You wake her up in the morning and her drunk a*s is butt naked on top of the covers.

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Despite this exhaustive list, most men are still trying to smash at the end of the night, lol, they ain’t care, just take this rocket for your derriere.

I gave you fifteen, but I’m sure there are more. Help me out, or at least share a story about “your friend” who is one of the above or a personal account. Gentlemen, let this be a reminder this is what we got on deck for the Spring/Summer in 2010.