The guy with the hat is the bday boy. He has slept with all these women. His friends are true wing men. Clap for them.


“And promoters trying to get me out to they club, And say I have fun but I can’t imagine how, Cause I just see my ex-girl, Standing with my next girl, Standing with the girl that I’m f*ckin right now, And sh*t could get weird unless they all down, And so I stay clear, We from a small town, And everybody talks and everybody listen, And somehow the truth just always comes up missing.” – A. Graham

In continuing my posts about going out and the things that you will see beginning to pick up as the weather picks up, I wanted to talk about a strategy that is commonly used by men in pursuit of high class, loose h*es. This strategy is uber complex and not many men can implement it within their team, less likely as an individual. But when implemented perfectly greatness ensues, ask Bob Knight and Coach K. And so I present to you the Motion Offense.

The motion offense is best defined as a scheme developed to increase the chances of winning by having past, current and prospective partners in one place at the same time. In order to avoid being found out, you must keep them as separate as the fingers on the hand and constantly moving.

The motion offense can usually be found in play at events such as; Birthday parties, New Year’s parties, Cookouts, and just generally whenever trying to win. The goal is to put a bunch of women that don’t mind having relations with you in the same place and see what happens. There has to be some level of naivety in the other team. Simply put, if one of these chicks says, “How do you know Sean?” The night could go left, quick.

With that said, here are some people you don’t want to invite; potential wifeys should never be invited. You don’t mix wifey material women with jumpoffs. It has and always will be BAD for business. (There’s a read between the lines here for some women who want to be treated like wifeys. Maybe you shouldn’t go places where you might be found in company with jumpoffs.) The other type of women you want to leave at home are the salty ones from your past. They will get drunk and cause a scene. Either that or they actually know the offensive scheme very well and will ruin everything.

Here are some winning strategies or best practices:

Pass and screen away – Asking your boy to talk to a chick, while you talk to another chick. Your boy thinks he can win, but you already know he’ll just talk her ear off, and when you return she’ll still be into you.

Back screen – Your friends who are “in the know” set obstacles for chicks trying to get your attention, enabling you to find more open shots for scoring.

Flare screen – Your boy sees that you are trying to get away from one chick to talk to another chick. However, you have one other chick waiting to get your attention. Your boy alerts another friend that he will run interference on the first chick and he is to run interference on the other undesired chick.

So in closing, some of you men are probably upset that I just spilled the beans on this strategy. If you are, I suggest you step your game up. Bob Knight ran this offense for over 40 years and he’s the most winningest coach in the NCAA history. Some of you women may have just had an epiphany.  I hope the real epiphany you just had is knowing what the guy who invited you really thinks about you.  Ah what’s new? I hope you enjoy happy hour and have a good weekend. I’m sure there are some cookouts or birthday parties popping off in a city near you.