There should never be a rumor that someone slept with your mother on the street. And why would you want to have sex with your running buddy’s mother? This is not American Pie, it is not cool for Finch to sleep with your mom. Especially when she’s not that hot, at all. Have you ever had a friend get so drunk he came over your carpeted apartment and peed on your living room floor? As you come into the room to see what is spilling, he looks back at you and says, “Yeah, what are you going to do about it?”  That’s how LeBron should feel.

Do you remember Dave Chappelle Season Two and those E-True Hollywood Stories? Charlie Murphy telling the story of hanging out with Rick James and he would say, “Rick James is a line-stepper, yes, a habitual line-stepper.” That’s what Delonte West is, a habitual line-stepper. And I can’t be mad I have some friends like that. We all do, let’s take a look at some of the male and female habitual line-steppers in our lives.

1.  Mr. Opportunist – Always got a cup, never got a dollar.

2.  My friend Dupree – This is the person who always stays too long. They show up on Thursday and the following Tuesday they need a ride to the bus station. Why does it smell like socks in here?

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3.  I don’t think the B word is offensive – This is the guy who is liable to say anything to a girl and have you in the middle of it. And then when you tell him to chill, he’s going to let you know that you’re not being his partner for agreeing with the chick.

4.  I mean, would you mind if me and… – This is the person who after you date a person hits you up to see if they can holler. Then you gotta think, why the hell do you have my exes number anyway? Keep in mind that if you’re just the type to smash your friends’ exes without even asking permission, you’re not only a habitual line stepper, you’re not a friend.

5.  Can I get a ride to Jamaica? – These are the fools who never have gas money, but always need a ride. Not only do they need a ride, but they need a RIDE. Can you come scoop me from Queens and I need to make a quick stop in Brooklyn then we out to the Bronx for the cookout. And not just the Bronx, but GUN HILL. (For those not from NYC, this is like if someone said take me to New England and then they meant Maine.)

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6.  Let me borrow – Ladies, y’all know y’all have some friends who not only borrow inappropriate items like tights. You lend your friend a pair of shoes and everytime they see you they be like, “My bad dog, I forgot them joints in a bag in the living room.” You finally get them back and they look like Moses had them.

7.  You no home training fool – These are the people who show up to people’s houses empty handed. I won’t ever ask a friend to bring anything, because I expect that they know they will miss their blessing if they don’t bring something. (This is not a subliminal about this upcoming Sunday and my cookout, this is direct and I’m clear.)

8.  Mr. Henny – This is the person who always wants to show up too drunk or too high and is not a happy drunk or high person. They just want to “keep it real.” They are the ones legs stretched out being dragged by their armpits out the club, while you just got slim’s number. You get outside asking what happened and all you get is, “I told cuz if he looked at me one more time, I was gon’ steal him.”

9.  You couldn’t tell me this before?!MY PERSONAL FAVORITE. You don’t never know what you got yourself into until something pop off. As you get pulled over by the cops they say, “Yo, switch seats with me.” It is at this point you notice that your cousin does not have a license. Or they say, “Young, if they ask to search the car, are we copping the plea or saying no?” (Copping the plea means hauling a*s because you know you’re guilty.) Or the more common, when the bill comes or it’s time to pay to go in the club, “I ain’t got my [select: wallet/purse/ID/credit card/cash] on me.”

Now SBM massive, y’all have not shown us enough love this week. So show me some love, give me #10. Or share a story about one of the previous nine listed. Enjoy your weekend, be safe, and don’t forget it’s the 1st of Month on Tuesday, so this weekend, people will be acting stupid. #AllHennyEverything. Ciao.

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