Yeah ... he ain't got nothing on me

Scenario 1

Baby Girl: Baby … I have something to tell you
Tyrone: What’s up love?
BG: Well, I know we have only been together a few weeks, but there is something about the past I wanted to tell you.
Ty: Ok … but you got me a little scared now.
BG: Don’t be scared. It’s nothing that should affect us.
Ty: **thinks of how many negroes have heard this right before catching the “I have herpes” talk** Uh … ok
BG: Basically, a few years ago … I used to date Idris Elba
Ty: Stringer Bell?  Is he cool in real life.
BG: You’re not mad?
Ty: What the f*ck for? I got you now and that reggin can’t see me.  How you gonna get hustled by a city council member and then shot?!?!

Scenario 2

Baby Girl: Baby … I have something to tell you
Dashawn: What’s up love?

BG: Basically, a few years ago … I used to date Flava Flav
Dee: Excuse me?
BG: You know … “Flava Flaaaaaaaavvvvvv!!”
Dee: **throws up in mouth a little** I really really really don’t want to ask this … but I must know. Did you sleep with him?
BG: Do you really want to know?
Dee: **can really taste the throw up now** Yes … Yes I do … nay, must know.
BG: Yes. A lot actually. He’s kind of a freak.
Dee: Goodbye **walks out the door**

See Also:  The Break Up: How Projecting Ruined a Relationship

In my interesting dating history, on more than one occasion have I dated/courted someone who dated a celebrity in the past.  In every single case the person was hesitant to tell me who it was.  They were afraid they would get the groupie label, or that I would suddenly find myself trying to meet some imaginary expectations (HA! Like I’m going to buy you something cause of the guy before me or treat you different), or whatever the reason was.  In both cases I sat there after hearing the name and responded with the same.

“Oh … OK.  Anyways, so we still gonna smash going out tonight?”

As with Tyrone, who cares. If you dated some sports player, movie star, or major music artist … good for him.  I got you now and apparently I got something that he doesn’t.  Hell … I prefer your ex to be Irdis Alba over that really sweet guy who loves you unconditionally, but just couldn’t grow up.  The latter guy … all he has to do is get his act right to come and give me competition. Irdis … that n***a don’t want you no more!

Now … Dashawn … I feel for this guy.

***Life Lesson***
Good choices rarely come back to bite you.  People aren’t going to chastise you for sleeping with Halle Berry, making too much money, or working too hard.  But f*ck up just once … and that will follow you like a neck tattoo saying “C-town camp posse mob click family for life”

Every time Dashawn tries to pin his girl with the naked reverse half nelson that ends in the patented “yogurt explosion” kiss his woman … all he is going to hear is “Flllaaavvvaaa Fllllaaaaavvvv”.  That is a fate that I would wish on no man.

See Also:  Identifying Your Legacy Of Love

Is this just me?  Has anyone else dated someone with a famous ex? How did you react?  How would you react?

– SBM aka Denzel ain’t got sh*t on me aka I’m your girl’s famous ex!