"I know I'll figure out what's wrong with him if I just keep digging!!!"

Noreinne: Hey, I think Marcus from last night is feeling you.
Joshilindisha: Who?
Nor: You know, the tall dark skin brother from last night?
Jo: Girl please? He probably got a kid!
Nor: Nope. He has no kids.
Jo: Please, so he knows how to use a condom. He probably has commitment issues!
Nor: Naw.  Allen gave me the info, and he is very much a settle down and care for my woman type of guy.
Jo: Uh huh. Most garbage men are like that.
Nor: He is a non-profit attorney and children rights advocate. He talks about the rewarding work, healthy salary, and great life/work balance.
Jo: Yeah yeah … but he probably usually dates white women.
He wrote an open letter that was printed in Essence about his love for black women and how it strengthens the race.
Jo: Hates his mama?
Nor: Just bought her a house.
Jo: Whatever. Probably all flashy with an expensive car.
Nor: He drives a civic.
Jo: See girl, I knew you was trying to set me up! What do I look like riding around in a civic?!?!?
*sighs* So the civic is a dealbreaker?
Hell yeah.  And that’s why I’m single.  Ain’t no good men out here.

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Much props to Noreinne for not slapping the black off of Joshilindisha, whose name is a living testament to why we need more books in black schools.

Before I say anything else … don’t let the example fool you.  Men do this same dumb sh*t and just as often:

“Dawg, you said she chews her gum with her mouth open”
“So you said her booty isn’t as firm as Beyonce’s?”
“Man, how you gonna try and set me up with a girl with no french manicure!!!”
“Sheeeeeet, when I woke up and saw her toes I rolled out of the bed with the quickness!”
“Negro, she plans to get married before she dies!?! Naw son, I ain’t going after your thirsty friend”

Yes, there is a tendency among too many people to keep digging and digging until they can find some small annoyance that they can use as justification to stop talking to someone.  Something that is far from a dealbreaker, doesn’t make them a worst person, and really is on some petty sh*. Then, they claim that the problem is with the opposite sex.  Either there are no good men or all the women out here want too much.  Naw … you’re just stupid.

Anytime you start dating someone, talking to them “romantically”, or decide to smash them off properly (as in not half assedly) decide to give them any significant chunk of you’re time … you need to look out for a few things.  You need to start your due diligence.  You need to find out enough about this person to establish a level of “intimacy” (casual f*, FwB, Potential BF/GF, or Potential Marriage Partner) that you are comfortable with.  But … if you don’t find sh*t … stop searching.  If the background check came back clear, the blood work was all negative, the interviews with his/her exes was good, and none of you’re boys skeeted on her face none of your friends have been intimate with them … let it go.  Enjoy the fact that you might just have found something good … and stop digging.

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I’m not saying don’t stay on your toes.  I mean … stuff comes up later.  But let it bubble up … all sh*t rises to the surface.

And if you do find something, please let it be a real dealbreaker (remember, you shouldn’t have more than 3).  Don’t let this person go because they disagree with Obama’s foreign policy.  Don’t drop them because they thought Jerry Curl’s were hot 15 years ago.  Don’t cut them because they pick their nose.

As someone who has dug hard for much of his life … I speak to you as a convert.

Have you found yourself looking for a perfect man/woman’s fatal flaw?  Are your friends unwilling to hear about potential new mates because they are too busy looking for something wrong?  Or maybe I just got it all f*’d up … any diggers out there willing to defend they sh*?

SBM aka “I threw away my shovel” aka “I’m gonna just enjoy this daily bomb head until they f* up and stop troubling myself”