Augmenting our appearance has been a part of human culture, ever since Adam and Eve bit into the forbidden fruit and tried to cover their unmentionables with green leaves.From the clothes we wear to cologne’s, hairstyles, and jewelry, we use different items to enhance less than satisfactory features and accentuate our good ones. I must say that I think women are the worst with the physical feature swindle. Women are like shape-shifters, who can create all new appearances using household items, only to revert back to normal once they come off, like when poor Cinderella lost her glass slipper. Don’t believe me? OK, well allow me to reintroduce myself my name is HOV!!! present the top 5 women physical deceptions:


#5 Heels (U aint that tall)

This is a low level deception, only because heels do have a great sex appeal and aesthetic about them. It becomes a deception when a 5ft 1 women describers her height requirements with the phrase “he needs to be taller than me in heels”. How about the dudes who don’t prefer short women, who think you’re 5ft 7 because you’re wearing 6 in heels? Isn’t that just as bad? We’d get clowned if we wore lifts in our shoes!


#4 Breast/Butt Implants (Those aint yo tatas or @ss!)

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This is a permanent physical deception. Now, they definitely are enhancements, the only problem is some men don’t like fake breasts and arses. Dr J. spoke on the real vs. fake phenomenon, and the consensus was “whatever floats your boat”. Unlike some of the other augments, these aren’t easily removed if you want a change or your love interest doesn’t approve and there is a margin for error. Men are more “lenient” and less upset by this deception, but it’s a swindle nonetheless.

#3 Lacefronts/Wigs/Weaves (That aint yo hair)

SBM carried the cross and took a defiant stand against this physical deception once upon a time. Now,this isn’t race specific, because women of all races rock wigs or get weaves. The issue lies when these articles of “hair” are not worn properly. When it looks like a birds nest,  has all the colours of the rainbow, or is a hazard to any open flames, we have a serious issue. men may like a woman with long flowing hair. You could appease that fantasy with an excellent weave job. What happens when that weave eventually has to go and under that contraption you’re hair is more Eve than Eva? Some women will assume that a man knows it’s a weave and won’t tell. Others will catch a fit when a man performs the weave test on their scalp (he runs fingers through the hair to see if he’ll get stopped abruptly or feel the third rail on your head). I’ve definitely felt like this before:

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#2 WonderBra/Pushup Bra (Your Breasts Aint that Big!!)

I’ve heard horror stories that go like this:

Boy meets girl.

Boy and girl converseate.

Boy loves girls breasts.

Boy takes girl home.

Girl takes off bra.

Boy sees C cups turn into A- cups, and sees padding in the bra.

Boy fakes emergency and leaves Girl with her bee stings bare.

These bras are a travesty and a dirty swindle to pull on men. You prop your breasts up for the world to admire, only to have them hanging low, wobbling to an fro. Padding in a bra is so High School its not even funny, and I severely question and side-eye women who wear these instruments of deceit. Now when women’s breasts look amazing, the only thing I wonder is whether the packaging is better than the actual gift.

#1 The Girdle (Your stomach aint flat!!!)

Understand that I say this with no jovial tone, with no smile on my face, or light-hearted feelings within the bowels of my soul: If there is ANYTHING that cannot be tolerated, it is a girdle. This optical illusion is a heinous act of trickery that would make Loki, the god of Lies, blush. I’ve seen items like this for sale and it angers me to no end. So ladies, this is where we are in 2010? You say eff a workout, eff eating right, I’m finna throw on a girdle and kill the game? This is a symbol of self defeat, lack of confidence, and a deviousness to fool a poor dude who doesn’t see your gut until it’s too late. There’s no need for this cheap attempt at a flat stomach. I know a few resources that can help men and women get into excellent shape.  They’ve helped me and they can help YOU!

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Women, I just wanted to show that “I see what you do there”, and while some are funny and trivial, others are too audacious to ignore. What other deceptions have you seen women use. Women, I know you want to reflect this on us men point out our deceptions, so let’s hear those too.

United I stand, against these swindles,