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– Streetz

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I read my colleague Slim Jackson’s blog on heartbreak yesterday, and commended him for a great introspective piece of writing. Not only did this blog force him to look inward and analyze his actions after a tough situation, it showed woman a candid peek into the male psyche. It also made me, and probably most dudes who read, look inward as well. They say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I hate this cliche, but the more I try to refute it, the more I look at past relationships and know that this statement is FACT. We go through life loving and losing, and although it is better to love and lose, rather than never feeling that emotion, the after effects of failed loved suck.

It has different effects on men and women, but at it’s core, we all feel hurt, disappointed, remorseful, angry, and at times inquisitive because we want to know the who what when where  and why of our past situations. Sometimes, we even try to cheat fate and rekindle an old flame, to see it extinguished more swiftly and callously than the last time. The pain of an ended relationship is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but those situations gave me an epiphany. An epiphany that angers me in it’s perfect logic. The trials and tribulations of failed relationships are Necessary in order for men and women to grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

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This realization is a tough pill to swallow personally. Those who know me in real life know that defeat is something I do not accept. In fact, this is one of my tragic flaws (post coming next week). So when a relationship was at it’s end, I would try my best not to lose. If I saw grimy actions, or “other dudes” were in the pictures, I couldn’t see myself “losing” in the situation, so I did what I could to “win”, and ended up losing respect from myself, still angry, still hurt. These situations showed me that sometimes, relationships need to end. Holding on to memories, good times, good s*x, or any other temporary relationship positives is like putting a band aid on a bullet wound. These trials taught me that sometimes, when the writings on the wall, you need to read it!

A completely f*cked up situation can and will make you stronger. A friend of mine would always say to me “a moment of suffering for a lifetime of happiness”, once upon a time when I was in the fell clutch of circumstance. That quote definitely applies to relationships.  Relationships have their ups and downs. I’ve seen people go through some real sh*t and work it out, while others decided to part ways. Not all relationships stand the test of time, and throughout that time you will throw your hands up, say eff it, give up, and when you two can’t take it anymore, end it completely. You may think that going through the BS was pointless. I know I’ve questioned JC the God many times for some of the situations I was placed in. I would let Him know that “I get it. I get the point. You could’ve just texted me and I would’ve been good! There’s no reason for me to go through this again!”. Of course there is an ultimate reason, but I feel one of these reasons is to help you see the bad side of relationships, so that when you face similar situations with future BF/GFs, you’ll be prepared.

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If you look back at early relationships, you may laugh at how silly you were, the situations you and your SO faced, the way you both reacted immaturely, irrationally, or psychotically, to different situations. We realize we grew up and matured and we are now better off and have a more comprehensive view of relationships. I realized that some relationships, and the people in your life, are there as a testing ground for the relationship you are ultimately meant to succeed. This is hard to accept, but I believe it to be true. It’s especially difficult, when you think you’ve met “the one” and it doesn’t work out. Think about all the “power couples” in HS and College. How many of those relationships are still going strong? I commented once that those relationships are like histories great nations: Persia, Egypt, Rome, and others flourished for generations, and eventually fell, when people thought they were untouchable. We hold out hope that where we fail, they may succeed, and most of the time they don’t. That’s life, but we have to accept that they were never meant to be, and that important time in their lives is meant to be preparation for a stronger union in the future. Seasons change, but seasons are cyclical. The sun will shine again.

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Going through this heartbreak and frustration can also help you to help others. To be a support system for those who are going through what you experienced. To make it known that you are not an expert, but “this is what happened to you,  this is the lesson you learned, and this is how I think it can apply to you” I think it’s safe to assume that some of your favourite bloggers were inspired to write based on negative experiences with relationships, dating, s*x, and other aspects of male/female relationships (myself included)

In closing, I hate the fact that I don’t know when the music will end and where I will end up sitting in the game of relationships. It sucks to continually invest your time, heart, money, and focus into another individual, to have it blow up in your face. We go through this for a reason, and these men & women we encounter/experience  for the duration of our dating lives, will be the key architects in the design and creation of your approach to future relationships, and how you overcome previous errors will define you. Don’t let these lessons go to waste.

I got pretty deep on this one. [||]