Only if it were...

Last week, I talked about my recent attendance at a dating event in NYC. I’ve had some time to put together a few thoughts since then. By the way, anybody that knows me in real life knows that I’m very observant. It comes with the introvert territory. And as I’ve said in the past, introvert doesn’t mean socially awkward, weak, and/or boring. It just means that trying to be the life of the party gives me a headache, and that you’ll get much more out of me in a one-on-one (not that way…or maybe that way) or small group interaction than in a boisterous scene with everybody drinking out of red cups and going absolutely f*ckin’ crazy.

With that said, I didn’t just reflect on myself at the event. I thought about the women there and all over the continental United States that would like to end their streaks of  half-cold-beddedness or warm-when-with-my-cut-buddy-onlyness. Given the size of the readership on Single Black Male and many of the other male-run sex and relationship blogs, it’s clear that the thoughts of the man mind are worth more than pure gold or a lifetime membership at a lobster club (I love lobstah). I’d like to say that I have the magical male advice on how to get that elusive Brown Sugar bedroom intruder beast, Love and Basketballer mixed with sweet nothings, and the spiritual maturity of Moses himself, but I don’t. All I have are these helpful and random reminders to think about as you go about your dating lives.

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You Can’t Please Everybody

I don’t even have to deal with a shortage of the opposite sex and I often still find myself aiming to please more people than I should in the cleanest way possible. Before I went to the dating event, I was thinking to myself “I need to be on my A game tonight and hit home-runs with everyone I talk to!” That’s a lot of unrealistic and unnecessary pressure to put on oneself. Even outside the confines of relationship talk, it’s really not feasible. Some people just aren’t going to like you no matter how much creamy crack you put in your hair, how nice those heels are, and how much time you put into appearing the shiznit. Oh yeah, and every attractive and phenomenal game spitsman can’t be the potential “one.” Along the same lines…

Stop Doing the Most

You know who you are, you know what I mean, and you know what you do. Stop it. It’s okay to try to impress, but he don’t need cookies dropped off at the front desk, 6 course meals, or love letters slipped under his door after 1 date and a couple phone chats. That doesn’t lock you into his life, it locks you out. Yeah, he’s a catch but damn. And yes, wondering why he didn’t call and asking 10 people for their interpretation of every single action he’s taken is doing the most. Your friends just won’t tell you that usually. Sometimes I just gotta be stern with you. I’ve OD over-analyzed before and made my life more difficult than it needed to be, so I’m really just trying to save you from yourself. Speaking of which…

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Be Yourself

This is probably the biggest lesson I learned from the dating event and I’ve been trying to apply it to every aspect of my life in general. Often when we really want something, we start to compromise or try to change who we are so that we fit the requirements of said thing. Think job interview. The people who typically do the best are those that go in and let their real personality come out knowing that they may not get the job and they’re fine with that because they also wanna be happy in the long term. Just imagine you have an infinite supply of eggs.

Go Out of Your Comfort Zone

Since we’re all about being progressive, I think the whole “man needs to approach woman” business is about as relevant today as JT Money (Ay-yaya). If that’s what you’re used to, then great. But if you’re still single and not particularly happy about it, here’s one thing you can change about yourself that will make you a better person in the long run. He may not be interested, but maybe he knows someone that will be. And for those that are shy, practice not being shy. Too many folks talk a big game on the internet, but hide in the corner waiting to be approached in real life and act confused as to why they’re still single. Take the boldness with you away from the keyboard.

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Stop Waiting for the Bus/Train and Walk in the Meantime

You know how it seems like whenever you want to take the bus or train that they’re always delayed or take forever, but when you’re not looking for them they’re in abundance? Try to apply that to you’re dating life. As SBM stated previously, get a hobby. Lastly…

A Black Male Blog Is Not the Bible

Entertainment purposes only. Not a stairway to love and/or heaven. I’ve said this before.

So that’s all I have for today. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is oversimplified? Additions to tidbits or challenges to what I have here? Get it all out—every drop of it.

Keeping it realer than real and bawser than bawse,