Only if it were...
Last week, I talked about my recent attendance at a dating event in NYC. I’ve had some time to put together a few thoughts since then. By the way, anybody that knows me in real life knows that I’m very observant. It comes with the introvert territory. And as I’ve said in the past, introvert doesn’t mean socially awkward, weak, and/or boring. It just means that trying to be the life of the party gives me a headache, and that you’ll get much more out of me in a one-on-one (not that way…or maybe that way) or small group interaction than in a boisterous scene with everybody drinking out of red cups and going absolutely f*ckin’ crazy.
With that said, I didn’t just reflect on myself at the event. I thought about the women there and all over the continental United States that would like to end their streaks of half-cold-beddedness or warm-when-with-my-cut-buddy-onlyness. Given the size of the readership on Single Black Male and many of the other male-run sex and relationship blogs, it’s clear that the thoughts of the man mind are worth more than pure gold or a lifetime membership at a lobster club (I love lobstah). I’d like to say that I have the magical male advice on how to get that elusive Brown Sugar bedroom intruder beast, Love and Basketballer mixed with sweet nothings, and the spiritual maturity of Moses himself, but I don’t. All I have are these helpful and random reminders to think about as you go about your dating lives.
You Can’t Please Everybody
I don’t even have to deal with a shortage of the opposite sex and I often still find myself aiming to please more people than I should in the cleanest way possible. Before I went to the dating event, I was thinking to myself “I need to be on my A game tonight and hit home-runs with everyone I talk to!” That’s a lot of unrealistic and unnecessary pressure to put on oneself. Even outside the confines of relationship talk, it’s really not feasible. Some people just aren’t going to like you no matter how much creamy crack you put in your hair, how nice those heels are, and how much time you put into appearing the shiznit. Oh yeah, and every attractive and phenomenal game spitsman can’t be the potential “one.” Along the same lines…
Stop Doing the Most
You know who you are, you know what I mean, and you know what you do. Stop it. It’s okay to try to impress, but he don’t need cookies dropped off at the front desk, 6 course meals, or love letters slipped under his door after 1 date and a couple phone chats. That doesn’t lock you into his life, it locks you out. Yeah, he’s a catch but damn. And yes, wondering why he didn’t call and asking 10 people for their interpretation of every single action he’s taken is doing the most. Your friends just won’t tell you that usually. Sometimes I just gotta be stern with you. I’ve OD over-analyzed before and made my life more difficult than it needed to be, so I’m really just trying to save you from yourself. Speaking of which…
Be Yourself
This is probably the biggest lesson I learned from the dating event and I’ve been trying to apply it to every aspect of my life in general. Often when we really want something, we start to compromise or try to change who we are so that we fit the requirements of said thing. Think job interview. The people who typically do the best are those that go in and let their real personality come out knowing that they may not get the job and they’re fine with that because they also wanna be happy in the long term. Just imagine you have an infinite supply of eggs.
Go Out of Your Comfort Zone
Since we’re all about being progressive, I think the whole “man needs to approach woman” business is about as relevant today as JT Money (Ay-yaya). If that’s what you’re used to, then great. But if you’re still single and not particularly happy about it, here’s one thing you can change about yourself that will make you a better person in the long run. He may not be interested, but maybe he knows someone that will be. And for those that are shy, practice not being shy. Too many folks talk a big game on the internet, but hide in the corner waiting to be approached in real life and act confused as to why they’re still single. Take the boldness with you away from the keyboard.
Stop Waiting for the Bus/Train and Walk in the Meantime
You know how it seems like whenever you want to take the bus or train that they’re always delayed or take forever, but when you’re not looking for them they’re in abundance? Try to apply that to you’re dating life. As SBM stated previously, get a hobby. Lastly…
A Black Male Blog Is Not the Bible
Entertainment purposes only. Not a stairway to love and/or heaven. I’ve said this before.
So that’s all I have for today. What are your thoughts? Do you think this is oversimplified? Additions to tidbits or challenges to what I have here? Get it all out—every drop of it.
Keeping it realer than real and bawser than bawse,
What are your thoughts?
^^^These things are hard for me…and when i'm myself, sometimes i come across as weird because i can be really random & happy go lucky (if i'm in that sort of mood).
Do you think this is oversimplified?
^^^It seemed fine to me!
Additions to tidbits or challenges to what I have here?
Latching onto the familiar is another challenge…its what i do when i'm somewhere where there is no one that i know but maybe one or two people. The moment i feel uncomfortable, i go back to those people or i'm ready to go…i'm also not always willing to speak to people so going where there would be more strangers than friends is not always a good idea for me. I'm trying to break that habit but it is difficult.
Great post Slim!
thats when alcohol comes in handy hahah 🙂
LOL! True!
Ooh la la Slim. Ku-dos. "Get it all out—every drop of it." [you're sick, but who's complaining]
I agree with the be yourself. And I noticed your introvert ways. Nothing wrong with being Guy B. The points you made were right on the money. [or maybe I'm too lazy to think at 1am. Gimme a few hours] Great post Oluslimye "Ooh La La" Adejackson. Lol
Fancy ass signatures…
And no one will listen to ur last point. lol
Fancy ass signature?
Negro this ain't new!!!! lol
**zzzz**
dudes addin bios to their auto siggies…true…lmao
Because a lot of people [not including myself] have come here expecting the answers and truth behind why men and women behave the way they do, why things happen the way they do and they forget this is just the opinion of men [and women, if guest writers] who have been through certain experiences. And they refuse to understand that this doesn't mean that their words are bond and applicable to everyday life. [not that you're lying though] Continuing to make such disclaimers must be tiring. But continue if you must. I like your sh!t. Keep up the
woodgood work guys.I LOST IT with the JT Money reference!
It seems beyond simple.. Most people won't listen, but still, it's simple..
I did too! lol
I was like Who dat? Then I realize it WAS "Who Dat" lol.
Great reference
DEAD!!
Hey guys,
This is my first time commmenting…love the blog. Anyhoo…I loved everything you said.
I too am also an introvert, I can't help it…been that way since I can remember. I play the background and observe..
The one that stands out for me is the "go out of your comfort zone". This is hard, I am that chick that is like "I don't approach guys", manly bc I don't know how and/or what to say to him. If I see a guy im interested in I do smile and stare a little longer but that just leads to a smile and stare showdown that niether one of us acts on. This has happened to me more times than I can count..ugh!
Welcome! *tosses e-confetti*
I'm imagining a literal "smile and stare showdown" lasting for hours. That ish is hilarious.
Yea that is pretty funny. I smile and try to make eye contact as well…but the guy usually will take it further if he's interested.
All of your points are reasonable, particularly regarding doing too much. It can be hard to exercise self-discipline. Honestly, I am super analytical and it can be a bad habit.
I think some will regard Black Male Blogs to be the bible because they are honest and unbiased. Men generally tend to be less willing to communicate than women. Women are so desparate for a clue that they eagerly will follow any advice you give them. (even if they publicly cut it apart and criticize it via comments, as Im sure you've seen in the past)
Its hard to draw lines between the "Walk" tip and the "Doing the Most". You dont contradict yourself but we're all very different individuals. It's hard to find a middle-ground.
Lastly, would you recommend speed dating? And has it yielded any benefits for you? If so, why? If not, why not?
We're all different indeed. I figured the reminders would be relevant to some and not at all relevant to others. And yes, there is still a blurry line to walk in a lot of this stuff. That's why I focused on things within one's own control as opposed to how to manipulate another into love.lol.
If by speed dating you mean going from table to table when the clock stops, then no I wouldn't recommend it. Reason for that being is that it's forced interaction, which can kinda make things a bit awkward and fake. It's also a bit more challenging if you're naturally reserved and need warm-up time. If someone just loves to meet people and be out there, they may feel differently.
A good idea that came out of the comments last week was attending an informal event that doesn't have dating or love anywhere in the title so people aren't focused on that and disappointed when they come up with a zero at the end of the night. In the future, I'd be much more likely to attend something like that because there won't be any pressure and it'll be easier to get a sense of who people really are.
Great post! Especially your point about stepping out of your comfort zone. Very true, but difficult to put into practice. I know I'm extremely bold and fearless with pretty much everything, but it scares me to death to approach a man. I don' t think I ever could, but I know it would be a good to change things up a little bit.
Hello, my name is QueenT and I am the Analyzer….Iol….I am so bad with this that I probably need to go into Analyzer's Anonymous…but, I was intrigued when you said you do this..I thought women only did this for the most part…..I have to constantly remind myself that its not that serious….every phrasing and every nuance does not need to be broken down…whew! I exhaust myself with it.
I agree with your post..and I will continue to work on my over-analyzing ways…but, on the other points..I'm pretty good.
All of these are good points and what you would think would be common sense, especially how you find something when you arent looking for it. I see to many people focusing all their attention on trying to find a mate when they have other issues they should be working on (getting out of undergrad in year 9, moving out of their momma's house at 31, saving up for a car and getting off that bus pass, etc).
Not sure if you have already, but it would be interesting to see your thoughts on dating as people approach the magical 30 year old mark (assume most readers are in their mid to late twenties) and how it affects the dating psyche of both men and women.
Funny you mentioned this because I had the same problem. Last year I was sooo focused on having a boyfriend and getting married. Everything else was not important. Broke up with dude and now that I have so much free time on my hands I realized that I wasn't spending time w my family, trying to build my career and save my money to move out of my folks crib.
I had all this other stuff I should've been focusing on and all I could think about was having a bf. I mean if he comes along great but that shouldn't distract me from my priorities either. So glad I woke up!
I would have liked to have been given more info on that event but everything was in code and I couldn't find details about it. *shrug*
If men weren't so shallow more women would approach them but if you ain't a video chic they are not having it and shut you down. If women would be themselves and looked normal maybe it would be diffrent. I am talking sans weaves, lace fronts, uber fake lashes, them prono lookin' nails, boot pop n all that. But men are only looking for what they see in videos, ads, calendars, King and Maxim magazine.
I have done all this and then some. I am over all of it. Chucks the deuce to all of it . Estoy halta as they say… taken this show overseas… done and done!
LOL! I feel you girl!
Not trying to sound mean or funny but this sounds like an issue with women and a lesser personal problem.
You somewhat come across as being "bitter" that those men aren't approaching you and looking for the reason as to why not. You're describing what you perceive the men want and in some cases it may be true but definitely not all of them.
Cuz evey guy out here is dating a model? #comeonson
I would fare to say that the really attractive women are approached equally or less than a fairly attractive one, simply because guys view the risk of turndown even greater.
I agree with your statement that being yourself CAN (not guaranteed) work better than all the enhancement. Most guys are not looking just for the model chick, but hey If I can get it why not? Just like the majority of guys arent NFL-ripped superstars but still get play.
I kind of disagree with this.. I mean the points you make are good but are fighting against each other. You say stop doing the most which is basically saying be yourself. I couldn't agree more that you should be yourself and the person that finds yourself attractive will be the best fit for you. Then you say go outside of your comfort zone, well now I'm not being myself b/c i'm outside of what I normally do and in most cases trying to please 'somebody' by doing it which goes against another point of yours. And yes the independent women movement has changed things but that doesn't mean Men shouldn't be Men anymore. I mean if dudes seen a woman walking around the club like a man it would be a turn off. Ladies should make them self available & approachable for the man to be a man and say 'Excuse me Ms bla bla bla.." I think the whole progressive movement really twisted the roles up.
~JRight Live~
The King of Talk
Dissent is good.
I believe that everyone doesn't understand or interpret words the same as each other and not everybody has the same concerns, issues, faults, etc. So saying the same things in different ways isn't a bad thing and all of these things aren't an issue for everybody. That's why in the first few comments, people have noticed what speaks to them. And again, these are just reminders…not a guaranteed guide to success in love.
Going out of your comfort zone is how you grow as a person. You can be yourself and still challenge yourself to be better. Staying in your comfort zone means complacency and I don't see how that's ever a good thing in life. Also don't see how that indicated that one should go above and beyond to try to please someone in the early stages of dating.
It's also possible to be interested in having a fulfilling relationship without it being the priority in life. If someone sees something they like, they should say something. If it works out, then great. If not, back to whatever else was going on in life.
Appreciate the comment though. Dialogue for the win.
Sure going out of your comfort zone can be a good thing just as well as could be a bad thing. I guess its all about balance which is the case in most things. I was just saying its hard for a person to be them self & out of their comfort zone, its like being hot & cold at the same time…More conservative ppl are okay with how things are right now and have no desire for change. I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing. They found a place in their life where they are good. I search for this place of 'good' myself but have yet to find it.
And ya Dialog FTW all day!!! That is a gamer term!! Good stuff keep it up!!
Very good points. I liked the post and appreciated the simpleness, but with everything its always easier said than done…especially when you have to leave your comfort zone. I, for one, need more exposure. I don't go out very often or enough to places where mingling is really possible.
Comfort zone is a beast.lol. Much easier said than done. I normally don't like having all eyes on me in big meetings, but I've made it a point to stand up every week and talk about a few things even if my instinct is just to sit there and say nothing like everybody else does. I think I've mastered the art of workplace humor without making things awkward in the process.lol.
*trying to censor my highly inappropriate thoughts*
Good post this morning. I've been trying to encourage women to approach men more the past few years and they all give me the o_O face. The few times I've been approached by a woman I have loved it. I understand that some men don't but the guys I know love it just as much as I do. We don't like rejection either ladies lol. We've just conditioned ourselves to KIM when it happens. Taking that burden is a huge step in our eyes.
I understand that some men don’t…
& this is reason numero uno, why this won't take precedence for me. There is no universal law that says all men like when a woman approaches them. It's a split game, so I'll choose to Be Myself as referenced by Rev. Slim in the 3rd paragraph 2nd verse of the Book of Dating. If we're at a bar and there's the opportunity, maybe. If we're in line at the grocery, possibly. If we are at Barnes & Noble in the same section, why not? I'm a friendly person so I may give you a smile & one-liner to open up the door but that's as far as I'm going on that train.
Cosign. So Flyy was shady when I first met her, lol
LOL! Shady?! I wasn't being shady. I was thinking about moving forward…
Hm… who is the lightskin joant w/ the waves spinning? I would talk to him but maybe the chick next to him is with him… Is that Streetz? Nah. Can't be… I don' t know. He doesn't look nothing like the cartoon pic he has up.
"Just imagine you have an infinite supply of eggs."
Don't know why, but this left me gasping for air. Hilarious. Probably cause it sounds way too much like my truth. Well played sir, well played. *puffs inhaler*
sn: You're an introvert? Humpf. Who knew? The magic of the internets.
The only point from the post that I can't get with is the whole "he'll come when you're not looking" thing. For me personally, this hasn't been true. I know that there's no appeal in being parched, but I was completely oblivious to men for a solid 4 year stretch, not as a way to get a man, it was a genuine blind eye (that started as a general withdrawal from the world after a temporarily disabling car accident). And you know what doing nothing got me? Nothing. Please try to contain your shock and surprise. But that's me, there are certainly people that I know that need to tone it down a notch and call off the man hunt.
Like Berriblk, I would benefit from more exposure. I live in the Midwest; everyone's been married since they turned 18 and has 4 kids. They're all getting divorced now, but the scene is pretty darn bleak. But my eggs won't let me quit. 😉
Better comments than I'd anticipated today.
Enjoy your time with MommaSlim Slim <3
Momma Slim will prolly inspire a post of some sorts. She has for the last 2 years.lol.
I know a few folks that can't get with the waiting tidbit. I think that's why I tried to go for the bus analogy. You'll keep walking and look back every now and then to see if it's the right one going by, but if that ain't it then you just keep it moving. Perhaps not relevant for you, but there are women who stress out all day everyday about finding a man and that's when it becomes taxing and people start making bad decisions and end up with bread in the oven.
I know I'm overdoing it with the metaphors. Please forgive me.
Starita: "I live in the Midwest; everyone’s been married since they turned 18 and has 4 kids. They’re all getting divorced now, but the scene is pretty darn bleak."
Hey, I'm from the Midwest, and I'm not married and have no kids! Then again, I guess you're right, because it's next to impossible to find a woman here with no kids. It probably also doesn't help that I live in a city that has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country.
Slim, you're forgiven. The bread in the oven though? lol That home cookin has your mind already…talking about cookies, eggs, bread
gettin it all out-every drop of it…all aboutswallowingeating…Hugh – Hey, I’m from the Midwest, and I have no kids! SWIDT… 😉 You gotta admit, we're some marrying fools round these parts! I like it for real, but um…if everyone is married, who am I supposed to date?
On a totally picky and unrelated note, can we edit this line of your About Me "Slim Jackson has wrote 96 articles on this blog." Has wrote? This hurts my eyes and heart a little bit. I nag because I love 🙂
That use of english is an eyesore for me as well. Unfortunately, I don't have the power to change it. it's auto generated.
I don't have a comfort zone and I'm beginning to think that's my problem… I should probably find it one of these days.
But I agree with all my fellow overanalyzers (miss analyzer for 3 years running)… sometimes it's just difficult not to do when people aren't 100% honest with each other. If I met a guy who just said what he meant (and meant what he said) life would be swimming. I don't lie to analyze but it's the Virgo in me 🙂
"If I met a guy who just said what he meant (and meant what he said) life would be swimming"
Turn to your neighbor and say "Say what you mean and mean what you say!"
Yes Lawd!
Also I gotta jump on the overanalyzer bandwagon. I've been told to stop "outthinking the room" way more times than I'm comfortable with. But like you said…just tell me what you're actually thinking and I won't have to deduce it! Cause the dirty lil secret of us overthinkers that keeps us overthinking is that 9 times out of 10, we got your thought process nailed. We do it cause it works.
Excellent post, Slim. It sent my mind in a few directions on some lessons I learned. The ones you brought up were great, especially when it comes to "doing the most" (DTM). At one point in my life, DTM was over-analyzing everything a guy did/said. At another point, it was pulling out all the stops on a home cooked meal or the hottest chexy-time outfits. Because I was listening to the wrong folks, lol.
I was at a cookout a few months back that Dr. J and crew so kindly hosted, and I saw this table full of FOINNE women listening to this dude kick knowledge about the dating game, finding a man, keeping a man, what they could be doing wrong, etc. The banter was lively and fun, but I could tell they were really taking in what he had to say. I was sitting there stuffing my face until I asked him, "Hey bruh – are you married?" Answer: no. "Ever been married?" No. Which just hammered the point home to me that single men won't help women find men either. You all are insightful and funny, no doubt. And I've noticed that almost instinctively, women give more weight to a man's words than they do to a woman's words in all areas, not just when it comes to romance. We want to know what y'all think.
Funny thing is, y'all have about as much of a clue as we do. And a lot of advice is given that may make life a tad easier for men to bag women, but makes it even harder for women to get a commitment from a man. Cool, we have some ladies who will approach first, buy drinks, pay for plane tickets (see what I did there, lol) etc. – but the married/committed women I know didn't do all that. That's DTM to them. And once I got back INTO my comfort zone (that good ole West Virginia mama taught me) my dating life went much smoother. And right when I wasn't looking/thinking/stressing about it….is when it happened.
"Cool, we have some ladies who will approach first, buy drinks, pay for plane tickets (see what I did there, lol) etc…."
*shakes inhaler to get that last puff out of it* Ya'll killin me…*cough cough*
^5 I love a good touchback.
I'd add Think Like A Man if you're a woman, and Think Like A Woman if your a man. Per SBM's post yesterday, the club probably isn't the best place to find a mate, depending on your personality. So if you're a woman looking for a man, start frequencing places where men are. Car shows, sports bars, gyms, etc.
@Hugh Jazz –
Stop putting Bailey's in your morning coffee, this comment doesn't make any sense. If a woman shows up at a car show and her name isn't Coco Austin or Buffie the Body, she'll be ignored. Women in sports bars, only go to a sports bar if that's where you normally go. If you are going there for men, you're dumb. Men are only checking for the women who are at the sports bar because they actually are into sports, not because they are trying to get a man.
My coffee is black, I don't need the extra calories. Besides, everyone here should know by now that vodka is my intoxicant of choice.
The comment makes perfect sense. I'm not saying women should go to the car show in an evening gown and model by the cars. The point isn't that men who frequent sports bars don't go to check for women, the point is meet men in a non-threatening environment. If nothing else, it shows you likely have something in common and at least gives you an icebreaker. If a woman introduces herself to a guy at a sports bar during halftime and says something like, “what do you think about the Corey Maggette signing? It helps to have extra scoring off the bench but I think he takes too many bad shots”, a guy who is a Bucks fan will at least be somewhat engaging. It’s to get your foot in the door, besides just asking a guy to buy a drink or sit at his table.
So if you’re a woman looking for a man, start frequencing places where men are. Car shows, sports bars, gyms, etc.
Exactly…
Abstract it some more and you get: Frequent places where the people present have qualities of someone you would like to date.
I agree with all of this, especially getting out of your comfort zone. Getting out of your comfort zone doesn't mean change your very essence of what makes you you. But it means taking a step that you might not otherwise take. Like speaking to the cute guy you notice checking you out every morning on the elevator. Asking a guy if he saw the Yankees get spanked last night. Things like that. Open the door, then let him do the work. Sometimes things work out, and sometimes they don't. But at least you had a nice convo with a nice looking guy.
.
Your NYC hate is ridic, lol.
The Best thing to come out of Carolina was Ric Flair.
Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!
co-sign.
NIA hates our city. You would think we were racist Boston.
I don't hate NYC. Its just fun to hate the Yankees and the Giants.lol.
Would it make you feel better to know I like the Jets?
Whateverrrrr loll
Bam! Convo with good looking guy.
NIA you are my hero.
I commend you showing pity on these women today, Slim, but naaaaaaaaaaaaa:
You Can’t Please Everybody – From my observations, women don't try to please anybody but themselves.
Stop Doing the Most – Again, they're not doing the most, they're just enough to get by. And most times, you don't get ANYTHING until you wife them down.
Be Yourself – Women don't have a problem telling who they is and who they ain't. Try it out and see what happens when they tell you, "I ain't you mother" "I ain't no hoe" "You must have me real effed up"
Go Out of Your Comfort Zone – If out of your comfort zone means another part of your comfort zone that you just don't frequent a lot. It's like if you homegirl always buys her club dresses from Forever 21 and you call her on it, but all she does is buy some pants or shorts from Forever 21 and says she's trying something new.
Stop Waiting for the Bus/Train and Walk in the Meantime – Women don't wait for the bus/train, they pick up the phone and ask for some dupe to pick them up. This is why noodles are out here getting their lunch money taken by jawns who have no intentions of actually being in a relationship with them. They just waiting for homeboy to get out of jail, break up with his girlfriend, or decide that they are meant to be.
A Black Male Blog Is Not the Bible – I doubt any women will say, "The Honorable SBM" or "The Elder Oluslimye" teaches us … They continue to say, "them fools ain't skit." Although, you could make an argument that Most has a religious following on SBM.org.
I croaked at "The Elder Oluslimye teaches us"
Still dead actually.lol
I too have passed on to a higher plane. B.O.B.
I disagree w/ the “them fools ain’t skit.” line. I actually reference SBM as talking points w/ the girlies and they feel you guys have some valid points. I don't dare say anyone of us thinks it's the bible of the black man but we don't dismiss your thoughts as nonsense either.
Warning! I may resemble Lot's Wife a bit in the following
tangentrant.Oh Dr. J, you just loooove you a good fight don't you? #sh!tstirrer
I'm really not the confrontational type, but I don't wanna enter Ohio Scales data, so I'ma indulge you a bit…go ahead and insert "Some" in front of all further man and woman references #Iaintgotthetime.
"You Can’t Please Everybody – From my observations, women don’t try to please anybody but themselves."
For real? Who pissed in your Wheaties? Women are crazy, women are illogical, women are emotional, women want relationships very fast, women like some aspects of "thugs". I'll own up to these (to an extent). But we aren't pleasers?? On what planet? Like 90% of my problems would be solved if I could simply put myself first. But I don't think it's just me…women are nurturers
which is why we stay with losers for waaaay too long and bear their children some times. This was SOLID advice from The Elder."Stop Doing the Most – Again, they’re not doing the most, they’re just enough to get by. And most times, you don’t get ANYTHING until you wife them down"
LMAO! This was sarcasm, right? This was a joke? No? Cause baby you are dead wrong. Like punching babies wrong. THIS wrong –> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdaYWd5XLhc If you argued that we gave up too much before marriage I could ride with you, but what the hell are you saying? Did you dip into the Baileys? Dopeman sold you some ooooweeee? Cause you're not talking sense above. iCan't.
"Be Yourself – Women don’t have a problem telling who they is and who they ain’t. Try it out and see what happens when they tell you, “I ain’t you mother” “I ain’t no hoe” “You must have me real effed up” "
You almost have a point here, but you're juuuust a bit outside. We'll tell you who we think we are or who we'd like to be, but many a woman does struggle being her authentic self with men, particularly at first. If I were real spiteful, I'd reference a post of yours stating the same, but I'm about the love. This relates back to the "You can't please everyone" syndrome. And is exacerbated by the "we're running out of good men, better drop the attitude and standards and be perfect or you'll be alone forever" phenomenon.
"Go Out of Your Comfort Zone – If out of your comfort zone means another part of your comfort zone that you just don’t frequent a lot. It’s like if you homegirl always buys her club dresses from Forever 21 and you call her on it, but all she does is buy some pants or shorts from Forever 21 and says she’s trying something new."
You have a point here. Point Dr J. See, I can be reasonable. No one likes change.
"Stop Waiting for the Bus/Train and Walk in the Meantime – Women don’t wait for the bus/train, they pick up the phone and ask for some dupe to pick them up. This is why noodles are out here getting their lunch money taken by jawns who have no intentions of actually being in a relationship with them. They just waiting for homeboy to get out of jail, break up with his girlfriend, or decide that they are meant to be."
Another satirical comment right Dr. J? Cuz if any sex is taking the award for the most bedwarmers and quasi relationship time fillers, the Gatorade is spilling down on you my friend. Not my sex. Ya'll win this award hands down.
"A Black Male Blog Is Not the Bible – I doubt any women will say, “The Honorable SBM” or “The Elder Oluslimye” teaches us … They continue to say, “them fools ain’t skit.” Although, you could make an argument that Most has a religious following on SBM.org."
First rule of the Most Fan Club: you do not talk about Most Fan Club.
For real though, ya'll (the SBM crew et al) are still men. You get as much weight as any other men that I don't actually know; same as women that I don't actually know. None of it is law in my life, but I do consider the opinions given. Just like I would if a coworker gave an opinion. *shrug*
That video is great!!! I loved every second of it. Those girls need to be on Glee performing this song! lol.
Starita, keep in mind that you and your friends may very well be the exception. My observations are based on what is most common.
Analogy; a man walks into a book store and says, if you want to hide something from a negro, put it in a book. And a crowd of negros in that book store take offense.
Understood Dr J. But do you really, seriously believe that the majority, 51% of women "don’t try to please anybody but themselves.” Honestly, I'm looking for a serious answer, just me and you,
all heads bowed, all eyes closedreal talk. You truly believe that?SN: That analogy was spot on for your September 30th post.
While the statement from the analogy was even more inappropriate in that setting, it was still a foul thing to say in any setting…I may be extra salty, but my argument still carries weight. Most women are nurturers to a fault IMO.
It's not hard to do these days, but this comment made me laugh so hard I pee'd my pants. Lawdamercy.
I may have to pass my "Dr. J's Friendly Nemesis" crown to 'Rita….that guhl is good!
Wouldn’t you like to know what women think is the perfect length for their man? Watch this survey to see!
Youll get banned for spam.
Whoops! Forgot the link: http://bit.ly/bVtNEy
Just in case you haven't seen this video, check this out: "Black Dating in a Hip Hop Society"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uehF-S5UB_g&fe…
Thought it was hilarious!
its hard to find someone that offers an ease of conversation. no judgement or confusion. just nice good steady conversation. thats the best connection ever.
A Black Male Blog Is Not the Bible
CHUCH.
that is all.