Ladies, what’s up? It’s me. So, the fellas have been talking about a touchy subject and everyone is acting shook to discuss it openly. You know I usually don’t get roasted so I can take chances with certain topics have an excellent rapport with you, and we communicate well with one another. Having said that, we have to have a dose of real talk. Men have heard about women “faking it” during sex. Some men think this is myth. Others take it seriously. Some even have it happen to them constantly and front have suspicions that their lady has faked orgasms! So, instead of speculating, I will ask you a few questions that men have about faking the big O:

Why do you fake it, and fake it OFTEN?

I figured I’d start the questioning off with the million dollar question. I never understood why women faked it, and faked it repeatedly? Do you get joy out of it? Do you not know what else to do? Are you waiting for the bus and figured you’d humor the poor fool while killing time? It just seems like a waste of time and energy to me, which leads to the follow-up question:

 

Why do you go back for seconds, thirds, etc if you have to keep faking it?

I have been to the movie theater to view a movie I think will be off the hook. If after siting there for 20 minutes the movie looks and feels horrible, I’ll walk out. if I’m eating dinner and it tastes bad, I’ll stop eating it. See, this is normal logic to me. Women who will fake orgasms constantly, whether in one session or daily/weekly, baffle me. Why go back? Why prolong the torture for yourself? Once again, seems like a waste of time.

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Why don’t you tell him that he’s a lame duck in the sack?

I used to be dead serious joke that I wanted to wear a t-shirt before sex that said “How’s my performance? Please call ______ if you have any complaints or concerns” I’m the type to use empirical data to plot trends, make adjustments, and improve performance. You already know I do this if you follow my workout log. So I don’t understand why you wouldn’t offer a man the same key pieces of information. I’m sure I know the answer, but since this seems like a clear cut response for the educated, bright, and people who get it, let me throw a wrinkle into the equation: What if the sex is good and you still don’t O, do you STILL fake it? Why/Why not?

 

What do you think about and/or do while faking it?

What helps you pass the time when having to perform in the bedroom theater? Do you think about errands you have to run? Those new pair of shoes you MUST have? That hatin @ss b*tch at work who better not test you again? Or *gasp* another man?!! *insert dramatic chipmunk* I know women will multitask during these situations, so I wanted to get an idea of your mental training techniques to use for good on my own end.

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What makes for a believable fake?

Is it the length and duration of the moan? Is it squirming around like you’ve caught 15% of JC’s Ghost? Is it words like “Daddy, Baby, right there, and OMG you are sooo Amazing, that make you convincing? What about facial expressions? scratching and clawing? Women are the best liars, so these swindles are probably mild compared to the true answer.

 

How do women fake what they never get?

I have to throw a question in from my defiant brethren who lightly brush particles of dust from their shoulders: I hear that some women have never experienced an orgasm. Well #1, I feel for you and #2, how can you fake something you’ve never had? TV? Zane novels? The internets?!

 

Why do men fall for the swindle so easily?

Maybe you can answer this, because I don’t think it’s that hard to figure out, but apparently men are getting caught left and right. Maybe I’ve gotten caught and have no clue? Eff it I still beat tho…

Do more women fake it than we think?

I guess this would be the equivalent to your “Down Low Brother” epidemic/scare. I want to say that its a “normal” number, but the more conversations I eavesdrop on overhear between women, along with the horror stories and questions from the fellas, I’m starting to think you have a council and seminars across the country where you discuss how to fake the O, techniques, and other items… Wait… so THAT’S why pleasure parties have blown up recently! Wow…

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Women, help us out today to learn about this phenomena, and how to correct the situation. Bad sex is like the drunk dude in the club who fights: It messes up everyones fun, ends the party early, and makes you not want to party anymore!

I can HANDLE the TRUTH!!!

 

 

 

P.S. – Men can fake it too…

P.P.S – Please censor yourself voluntarily in the comments. We’re trying not to get on big Brothers radar and be blocked at everyone’s job, because we KNOW you aint workin…