Your Polo boxers are being dusted for prints right now.

Antoine Dodson is the realest man on the planet.  You just can’t deny it.  “Hide ya kids!” changed our work lives forever and they will remain changed until the end of time.  Anyway, my favorite line of that entire interview was when he said, “You are soooo dumb. You are really dumb, for real.”  I can’t help but feel this way about people everyday.  Someone asked me why this chick was still sleeping with a dude after she found out twice that he was cheating on her*, and I said, “If common sense was common, everyone would have it.”  And so, people always ask me what do I think when I’m working with someone to help them with their relationship advice and I’m being honest, 75% of the time, I’m looking at this person and saying, “You are really dumb, for real!”

Let me break it down with a short and quick list of eight things that I just have to continuously shake my head at:

1.        Men who get got by opportunistic women

I’m not calling women gold diggers, let’s be clear.  However, some women will stop at nothing to not spend money.  Like if you notice that every time you hang out with a group of women, or a woman in particular and you are spending money.  Reevaluate your friendship, it’s not a friendship, it’s an agreement.  Probably an agreement that doesn’t involve sex.

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2.        People who in general never realize that their friends are some needy b*tches

Everybody’s got some friends who only call them when they need something, or they are just always needing something.  The second you ask them for something, they are missing, broke, or just can’t do it.  I had a friend one time ask me to pick him up from his house and take him to get a car, a few months later I asked him to give me a ride from the metro station to his house 5 minutes away and he couldn’t leave because the game was already on.

3.        Women who believe the dumb ish that men say

I have to remind a woman at least twice a week that if a man truly means the things he says he will show you.  If a man loves you, he will not hurt you.  But by far this is the one that women get got on the most, “I’m not really looking to be in a relationship, I’m still trying to figure some things out for myself.”  Meanwhile, he wants you to be with just him.

4.        Men who leave things behind like clothes, phones, passwords and sperm

Am I the only one who when he finishes having sex starts looking for all his stuff, including anything that might have fell out his pocket?  Or am I the only one who whenever not at his computer, hits [Windows Key] + L?  And I never use anyone’s computer, never.  Silent Logger can be the collapse of a man.

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5.        Women who think they are too good in bed

Women get got everyday on the same weak a*s game from men.  Don’t brag about how good you are in bed because all a man does is “doubt you.”  Hilarious that people fall for this.  The guy says something different like, “You ain’t that nice.”  And next thing you know, you feel like you have something to prove.  Also, men never really tell women the truth about sex.  They always say it’s the best they ever had.  Men will take bad sex over no sex.

6.        People who think somebody actually wants to be in their business

There is nothing dumber than some chick who is screaming to the top of her lungs, “B*tch you don’t know me!”  Some women have a tendency to think they are the most exclusive person in the world and people actually want to know them.  Men do this too.  Using fake names in the club and whatnot.  Listen, if you need to use a fake name, or untag yourself from a picture on Facebook, you probably shouldn’t have been doing what you were doing.

7.        Men who think they’re balling

“One day I will ball. One day … I will ball.”  Do I pop bottles in the club?  Yes.  Do I think I’m balling?  Nope.  I thought I was balling for a while until one night in Miami, me and my friends spunt a few stacks, and realized that the football player over there had spunt 60 stacks.  I don’t profess to ball, I profess to wanting to have a good time.  But let me tell you, when a man says, “I’m balling” but he has to check his bank account before making a purchase or eat PBJ for a week after a bottle is bought.  He’s not balling! (Sidenote: Mobile Bank of America is the biznass.)

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8.        People who think they are something that they are not and instead of keeping it to themselves, keep saying dumb things aloud

There is nothing worse than a brown skin girl claiming to be light skin or a 5’10” Negro claiming to be 6’1” (Re: Allen Iverson).  I put it to you like this, here’s how to confirm anything about yourself, someone else tells you it.  If a man calls you a red bone, chances are you’re light skin, but if he has never said anything about your complexion, you not light skin. End of discussion, wait for the affirmation.

I really enjoyed writing this post.  I had been holding it in for a minute, pause.  I’m sorry, I spent the last month getting ransacked weekly, #TWSS.  Anyway, I’m interested to hear your thoughts on something or a few things that people do that are really dumb, like for real.