**I (Slim) will be doing a Ustream this evening (Tuesday) at 9pm EST. Here’s the link to where it’ll be going down. Basement. Check me out live.**
The following takes place on a random cost-effective Friday night between a long-standing couple that’s sitting on the couch and eating turkey sandwiches.
Bertha: **Chewing on sandwich** Oh, I meant to tell you that one of my friends is in town. We’re going out tomorrow to grab some food and chill out for a bit.
Leroy: **Also chewing on sandwich** So much for our budget plan right? **Laughs**
Bertha: Oh, he said he’ll treat.
Leroy: **Stops chewing on sandwich and puts it down on paper plate** Wait, who is “he” and why is “he treating?”
Bertha: I told you he’s a friend of mine. We go way back. His name is Mr. Marcus.
Leroy: **Chokes and coughs** Wait, is this that negro that’s always joking around on your FB wall about hanging out and saying he owes you one?
Bertha: **Sips grape soda** Didn’t know you watched my profile that closely, but yes and that’s what the joke has been about.
Leroy: If I recall, weren’t y’all messing around for a while before we got serious?
Bertha: Yeah, but that was like a year and a half ago. What’s the big deal? Me and you were just friends then.
Leroy: Yeah, I know we were friends, but I remember being at dinner with you and a few mutual acquaintances. You were definitely talking about how he touched 360 degrees of walls on every stroke, and how he gave it to you until you cried tears of joy.
Bertha: I mean…that was then and this is now.
Leroy: **Kicks puppy and stands up** Hell naw! Ain’t no way in hell that negro is treating you to anything!
Bertha: **Sigh** It’s really not that serious. That insecurity really isn’t s*xy boo.
Leroy: Insecure? Would I be standing here naked if I was insecure? Take this! **Winds up hips and slaps her across right cheek with his flaccid piece** You ain’t going out with Marcus tomorrow. Eff that sh*t.
Bertha: Okay, sorry boo. I’ll stay home.
Leroy: **Presses the easy button**
Now this is a situation that many of us have probably faced along the way…sans sitting on the couch naked and eating sandwiches. Then again, I’m sure a good number of us have done that but I digress. We all have pasts that include things that we’re proud of and things that we’re not so proud of but will claim to be proud of in order to get save face. Most of us don’t go around burning bridges as soon as a relationship or friends-with-benefits agreement expires. Some of us turn those who quenched our most carnal needs into good friends or best friends for life. I’m sure the percentage of fiancees that invite old flames to their weddings is higher than people think. I can only hope that I don’t hear voices giggling on the day that I take the plunge into eternal despair willingly.
Weddings aside though, I’ve maintained a few decent non-sexual relationships with women from my past. Most of the former “acquaintances” are a distant memory with a good number of their names forgotten. It’s very rare that I’d be in a situation where I’d be telling a booski that I’m bout to go hang with someone I used to inject. Now of course I wouldn’t outwardly say that I used to mess with the chick, but we all know it’s obvious that the two of you have been at the pokey table before. And if I notice something that appears obvious between Ms. Cuddles and some dude, I’m putting my sandwich foot down and putting the kabash on that ish. No questions!
There is a large grey area when dealing with your boo’s former boos and, in my case as a man, former love pocket poachers. I’m all about open dialogue, trust, and boundaries. But honestly, where do you draw the line? When you’re friends with a former booty contractor, at what point do you respect your significant other’s opinion or requests that you not associate with that person or be out and about engaging in a day of social activities even if y’all are past the aerobics? As a man, I don’t trust any other…especially if he’s known as the human Ambien medication. All that negro needs to say is “You remember that time when…” and the conversation’s already in a bad place because she said yeah, giggled, and reflected.
So what do you think? Where do you draw the line when it comes to your significant other hanging with or regularly chatting with someone that they used to pleasure? Is it all water under the bridge or is it still too wet? Do you have any particular rules or understandings when it comes to this stuff? Do you always trust people to make the right decision? Anybody? Bueller?
Baby, I’ma need you to cancel that lunch,