"I'm saying ... there is no one here. It's been 3 months. Go head and pull it out."

Jerome: “Yeah … so why don’t you come on over here under these covers.”
Flotasia: “For what?”
Rome: “You know … so we can get to know each other a little better?”
Flo: “What do you mean?  We’ve been talking every day for the last 3 months. I know everything about you.”
Rome: “It’s different though when you’re with the person.”
Flo: “I guess …”
Rome: **fed up as the pain caused by his blue balls becomes unbearable** “Look … are we gonna f*ck? I done flew halfway cross the country to finally see you!”
Flo: “Oh my goodness, do you expect for me to sleep with you? This is the first time we have spent real time with each other. I just want to cuddle and kiss.”
Rome: “THE F***!  I’m glad I got gold status, otherwise the airlines would get me for showing up at the airport now and buying a ticket. DEUCES!”

To the guys …

Has this ever happened to you?  Have you ever been long distance courting a little pretty thing you might have met once or never?  Did you put in the work to get to know her, convince her you were a good guy, and make her feel special?  Did you buy a ticket to go see her, or make her buy one to see you (since WE DO NOT buy women tickets to visit us round hurr) expecting to finally get in the duggy warm brown of the girl that captured your attention from afar?

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A conversation on twitter last night reminded me of this little scenario.  For various reasons, this has happened to me about 3 times in my life.  When living in DC, I was never a huge fan of DC women (long story), so I often imported them.  ATL, Florida, and other mainly southern locals is where I shipped them from.  At some point it was time to take the phone and emails to the next level and book a plane ticket.  But here is the kicker …

Some women (a small percentage) actually didn’t expect me to want some p**** (and a lil head too).

Shocking … right?

Well, I am here to tell any woman who is planning a long distance trip to meet her prince charming from afar: He wants to sleep with you!

I’m not saying that is all he wants.  He probably likes you and probably sees a future if he is willing to deal with the distance, but lets not fool ourselves.  He’s been putting in work … and now he wants to work that ____.  It’s pretty simple: guys like s*x with girls they like, even moreso with girls they hate (nothing like a revenge nut).  He likes you and wants to sleep with you.

That’s it …

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Ok, I will admit, there are some very specific and unique cases where he is not expecting the dug out:

You really are just friends and you are looking into it wrong

This is a rarity, because most guys never just want to be your friend.  We got plenty of friends already.

He’s Gay

If you misread this one, then you need more help and guidance than I can give right now.

You have made it clear you are “not that type of girl”

And this is a hard one.  Because every guy knows that 50% of “good girls” who claim they have standards that prevent them from doing things like this … are gotd*man liars.  Fact is, a lot of women like to think of themselves as gooder than they are.  A solid 50% of the good ones are really making guys wait, saving it for the right one, and have single digit numbers (that last one is KEY) and really wouldn’t sleep with someone on first or second meeting, no matter how much communication.  But … unless he is convinced of this … he wants some.

See … they are rare and far in between.

So … to all those women who are planning a trip, planning to have a visitor, or didn’t even know this isht went down … consider yourself educated.  You better let expectations be known early, quick and repeatedly … otherwise you run the risk of losing your prince charming because blue balls and crossed signals will bring the beast out and end whatever nice little thing you had going.

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SBM aka “I am not buying you a plane ticket” aka “What you mean what is that astroglide for?”