What?! You know Samantha is BANGIN... why ask?!
Fellas, I speak to you from a seat of compassion and experience. I know you are sick and tired of using the Women Language Rosetta Stone to decipher what women #ReallyMean. I know you want to “be you” and keep it real and say what’s on your mind all the time. I’m not trying to suppress this natural instinct of yours, I want to show you tact. To err on the side of caution when dealing with the fairer sex is the key to adding more years on your life, avoiding the danger of pum pum sequestering, and in essence, maintain your sanity. There are some words, phrases, and topics that, if brought up a certain way, can invoke Shao Kahn to yell the immortal words “Finish Him” before a young lady douses you with a heavy helping of ether. So allow me to present 5 words, phrases, or topics that you should AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE
CALM DOWN!!
I had to lead off this tutorial correctly. When a woman is angry, annoyed, or agitated (respect my alliteration), she feels like she has the complete right to feel h0w she feels. If she’s right, this feeling is magnified 100%. If she is in the wrong, it’s magnified 100000%! She will want to vent, she will want you to hear and LISTEN to her points. Now, she may need to be shaken like Chris Rock suggested calm her nerves a bit, but to Instruct her to do so is a fail beyond belief! She will hit you with the reversal that would make Lei Wu Long blush and have you looking silly. So what do you do if you want her to calm down? Listen and hear her out, then answer with SIGNIFICANT and MEANINGFUL commentary. Don’t tune her out, they can sense it! Be attentive, be responsive, and be smart in the way you convey that she needs to take a chill pill. Sorry for the 90s reference. Writers Block, FTSwindle
Are you on your period?
Along the same lines, and probably more egregious than Calm down, is this inquiry. This is an immediate technical foul. Matter of fact, this is a flagrant two and ejection from the arena. I’m going to keep it so real: she MAY be on her punctuation mark, but she either won’t admit it, or accuse you of scapegoating. I actually can predict when my female friends are flowing like G.O.O.D. music in a freestyle cipher. Blame it on growing up with sisters and mom, but I just know. I’ll usually get a “shut up! LOL” from them, but I’m right. The difference? We aint thronxing so I can be forward! Too many men have ruined this observation for us, so don’t cry over spilled milk. Just hold it in, and ask later.I wanted to say “spilt”. that’s not a word right? OK, anyway…
Your friend is HOT!
This one is a little tricky. Some women can hold these conversations without any hate or anger towards a man. However, men need to know the woman with whom they converse. You know if a woman is insecure and doesn’t want you to admit that you notice that their constituents got the yams. You also know if you have had any type of non platonic relationship with people she knows, and commenting on their looks might don’t make it in this circumstance. If she brings it up, then you can agree, HUMBLY, or use the old reliable: “with all due respect…”
Your opinion
“Does this dress make me look fat?” “Am I gaining weight?” “Do you think I talk too much?” We call these alley-oops. You can finish and get two points, but is it a highlight dunk or did you spazz and ask whether or not Grant Hill drinks Sprite? Once again this is a “know your woman” response. If she tells you to be real, BE REAL! She’ll know if you are trying to #swindle. On the other hand,. some women are LOOKING for the #swindle, and don’t want the realism, even if they ASK for the realism! I would say be real, but don’t be harsh, unless she can a) take it and/or b) asks.
“OK”
The great equalizer. The 2 letter statement that can send a woman through the roof in an argument. Usually you’ll be compelled to utter this phrase after a 45 minute diatribe about how she feels, what she did right, what you did wrong, and how it makes her feel. Sometimes you don’t want to hear it. Sometimes, you want to be that @sshole and just shut the conversation down. Sometimes you want to just say what you will to end the convo and avoid a hemorrhage of the eardrums. Saying this phrase guarantees a continuation of the argument, silent treatment or other shows of displeasure, but hey, you gotta shut em down once in a blue moon right?
There’s a million more, but what’s the fun if my SBM homies can’t have none?! Add away. Ladies let me know what you think of my list. Fellas, have you gotten caught up in these phrases?
I was going to put “You mad?!” as my sixth phrase,
Let me just say that the following statement is A) bullsh*t and B) used only when it is convenient for men.
"I know you want to “be you” and keep it real and say what’s on your mind all the time."
If men really felt this way, then there wouldn't be as near as much lying going on. I realize women lie as well, but I feel the "I just want to keep it real/100" statement is used by a lot more men.
That said… yep, these statements will get the bulk of women heated. I like to think that I'm calm and rational enough to not be one of those women, but honestly have never dealt with any of these statements. Therefore, I don't know how I'd react. "Calm down" would probably p*ss me off the most though. I'd never ask questions I don't want the answer to (Your Opinion), and I don't care if you think my friends are hot as long as you aren't acting on it (I probably feel that yours are as well). In fact, if I even think you're capable of acting on it, we shouldn't be together. "Ok" would probably agitate me though.
So true so true!!!
If people would stop sugar coating and trying to dance around the issue(s).
Dang women still asking a man's opinion on her fatness. Bish you know the answer why do you need a cosign?! *I never understood this! I don't ask questions that are obvious or that I know the answers to. It is different if she said "How do I look in this?" or "Do you like this on me?"
Are you so attention seeking that you need it negative and positive to live? GTFOH!
I know my girls are hot. I really don't care about your opinion either way, but as stated above don't act on it and don't be disrespectful to them either. Save that for the men's locker room or wherever it is y'all gather to gossip.
Uggh and you should not ever ask a women if she is ovulating you know why?
Because it is a process we have to go through in order to give birth. We get so little respect and we have been given the job of bringing life into the world at a price often times is not worth it! RESPECT! And yes, hormones are off like a mug. Some of us go through it more than others but it is temporary so get over it.
*kicks soap box in the corner*
"Bish you know the answer why do you need a cosign?! "
Sad part is, yes they still ask it…matter of fact, they ask questions they know the answer to but when asking try to act irate if what you said isn't to their liking. Ongoing cycle.
As far as "calm down" is concerned: I've done it because a chick would go off and catch me off guard and then when I say "relax" she attacks that as if I said STFU. It's not to marginalize her feelings (which in reverse seems to be acceptable for a quite a few ladies), but some of us brothas hate the loud and emotion fueled outbursts that probably could be understood if they didn't sound like an attack.
LOL! Good post!
A man telling me to "calm down" (in any tone of voice) while I'm trying to make a point or state my opinion is a sure fire way to make me turn into SheHulk. "Calm down" somehow becomes "shut up" by the time it reaches my brain and I go nuts, lol. It feels dismissive. Especially when I'm not even "worked up" or anything. WTF you telling me to calm down for? LOL.
Allow me to add . . .
"You don't understand . . . you're a woman/not a man . . ."
or anything that alludes to my not unstanding you b/c i'm not a man. Sure, there are things I won't understand (like not tipping the seat back down after you pee LOL) but don't go pulling this out on me like it's all that needs to be said about a matter.
"Whatever." and/or "Anyway."
These are never adequate responses unless you want to see my head do a 360, lol. They are just too dismissive.
Ladies let me know what you think of my list.
^^^I must agree with this list…the first one especially pisses me off when i'm not even going off…it's like making an assumption about what i feel and i'm very in touch with my feelings so i know when i need to calm down or not.
Laughing at a situation that isn't funny isn't cool to me…i'm trying to think of other things that upset me but i can't at the moment!
Great post Streetz!
ok.
OK???
So irritating.. lol
I can not stand OK. Ok, what?? Let me know you understand don't just agree to what I'm saying. Ok, is like saying WHATEVER… I need you to realize the error of your ways, and repeat back to me everything I just said…lol
I hear a way to avoid all of this: hit em with the #YouRightSwindle.
But man, this OK & CALM DOWN sh*t is for the birds.
Maybe if women were already calm we wouldn't have to say "Calm Down". Who wants to have a conversation with someone who is already at 10 and I am still at 1? If you can't communicate to your S.O. that you have an issue with being over the top, maybe you have communication issues. Whenever a lady friend has an issue and comes at me in a tone I don't like, or is hype over something I (allegedly) did, my response is "please calm down" because until you do we can't have a conversation. So you want men to listen, but until you calm down all men hear is "whomp, whomp, whomp".
As for the other stuff….I have found myself saying each of those phrases at one point in time….ok maybe not your friend is hot that seems a little too risky lol.
-JP
i agree with this comment. that is all.
Allow me to step outside the comfort zone for a minute regarding your post SPECial.
These are all issues of a couple pushing each others buttons on purpose. In a relationship you know exactly what it is when communicating with your man/woman. As a man you know exactly what will set your woman off. And if you then turn around and say these things to her, the proverbial war of words will ensue.
So if you actually take the time to talk to each other and not scream and think about how can I win this discussion the above phrases never have to be uttered.
For example, the 'ok' is a clear cut sign he is truly finished talking. But as a woman, I know that my man (or men for the most part) don't like to do to much talking. So the 'ok' may really be 'O-K' lol! Men are not for all the yada, yada, yada. Say what you have to say and move on. But women, need to go on and on. So let the man's 'ok' truly be just that. Don't take it personal ladies, that's just how he is.
Fellas, you know already if a girl has an attitude about something. So asking her 'are you on your period' is likely to get your headed bust to the white meat. So why ask? And if she IS on her period, you knew that. By virtue of your lack of getting any for the last 3 days. So don't push her buttons and ask this stupid ass question, lol!
And if you think my homegirl is fly, well duh. Most women don't associate with ugly girls. So of course birds of a feather, lol! And since you've probably asked 'does Tasha have a man'. Or during the couples night out, you've told ya mans n dem 'you Jei's homegirl Tasha is right son, come thru and holla". So of course you think my homegirl is hot. And visa versa. Me: "tash, girl Jeff's friend Slim is poppington.com. Come thru for spades night and see what's good with him." So by you actually telling me, or her. We know that already.
I could go on, but I'm sure the 'ok' by most of the men have kicked in by now, lol!
So know your mate and go into it with the other person's feelings in mind, not your own and these above phrases won't be an issue.
Smooches,
L to the J
LMAO at: "bust to the white meat" I haven't heard that in a minute!!! You made me homesick for my down south peoples!!!
Good point. I think people know exactly what will upset someone when in convo. I think some people do it on purpose while trying to seem like the peace maker. Those types boil my blood. I don't like people who provoke others yet sit back and say "Relax". And I cosign I was laughing at "white meat" too.
Cosign with a majority of this post. Real talk!
"And if you think my homegirl is fly, well duh. Most women don’t associate with ugly girls. "
^^ THis is sooo false and going to be a future post, lmao
@slimjackson – maybe i shouldve dropped that other post after reading the above lmaooo
I will have to agree. The one that would probably get me heated the most is.."Are you on your period"? This question, is designed to incite an argument and by golly you are going to get one….lol. The rest of these have been said and I don't really trip as much…but, I know women who do….but, all in all this list is on point.
I don't mind being told to calm down, watch my tone, or check my attitude
when I am going batsh*tcrazywhen a loving, caring MAN ( I don't use that word lightly) is trying to get me to understand something or stop me from making a fool out of myself."HUMBLY, or use the old reliable: “with all due respect…”
That line right there could save a lot of men from arguments.
With that being said I have two close friends that are DROP dead gorgeous. I am used to hearing how attractive they are and it doesn't sway me. #confidentBP
I cosign that I don't mind being told to calm down. It's all in the delivery and who is saying it. I'm also not threatened by another woman's beauty…I just don't want my man to openly say my friend is hot. lol
Very true! It is all about the delivery. #NoDominoes
With that being said I have two close friends that are DROP dead gorgeous. I am used to hearing how attractive they are and it doesn’t sway me.
^^
No te creo. Tienes fotos?
LMAO at Streetz STEADY asking for photographic evidence…
But yet never wanting to provide any of his own.
@ Streetz….lo siento no fotos para ti, Senor E-bragas. Jajajaja! 😀
Can someone clarify if these are actual face to face conversations or over the "innanetz"?
Because in the forums I belong to, if there's even a hint of someone getting upset you might get one of these
http://www.neogaf.com/~kurai/umad.jpg
before the flaming begins.
'
But i guess that's what makes men different[?]
And can someone really shake most women off their game with one of these questions? If you're mad and some guy says he "knows why you act that way, because it's the 28th day"#Q-tip you should already know he's just baiting you to make you even madder…
Gotta hit em with one of these moving ones lol (gifs)
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lapscj6CG21qayhrz….
http://geniusploes.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05…
I wonder if this is how a lot of guys feel once the beastly b*tch PMS rears her head.
I know my wife hates when I tel her that a conversation is over – she hates it, in the moment but then later on she loves it.
In my household raised voices are unacceptable. We don't yell and scream at all. It's like one of those deal breakers – something I'm just not willing to tolerate. But, because God is mysterious in his pairings, I have been blessed with a wife who errs on the side of over-emoting at times. When she gets to the point of starting to let that voice creep up, I tell her: "We've passed the point of productivity in this conversation, so for now, it's over – we will revisit later when cooler heads can prevail."
In the moment she hates this… but I don't budge. After that, she could say anything, and I don't even hear her. Eventually, we revisit whatever the issue was and it's much easier to get through.
So yeah – saying "Conversation Done" is strictly for live men, not for freshmen…
That is right and shortly thereafter show me who’s really the Boss…
and after you Calm me down physically, I will happily get up and fix you some chicken wings if you ask.
Argument over….
Warning: This only works if it’s a minor offense.
“We’ve passed the point of productivity in this conversation, so for now, it’s over – we will revisit later when cooler heads can prevail.”
I would punch you in your effing face if you said that to me. Nothing grinds my gears more than someone unilaterally deciding that a conversation is over. I mean, I get it. But still that would just send me over the edge.
I'm getting chest pains just thinking about it.
You need Jesus, a hug or maybe even a hug from Jesus. No one person can be that angry especially at this time of the morning.
http://teddybearsforhugs.com/images/bear_hug.jpg
You'd never raise your hand to me Max. I know it sounds like, crazy arrogant or whatever, but, I would command too much respect for you to ever feel comfortable raising your hand. That's not even an option.
You would probably get really upset though – the first time. And maybe the second third and fourth times I did that. Eventually though, you'd see that my way works better, and you would… submit.
Yeah, I said it!
So in essence you're like the "Max Whisperer" of this forum? :0P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqzwNskX4TM&fe…
I would never get violent with a significant other, but I cannot fault anyone for getting tense just by reading that. I haven't had any overly heated arguments with any significant other to the best of my recollection, so it's fair to say that I'm not naturally dramatic. However, I do not see that approach working with me, no matter how much of a man's man 'he' is. Deciding the conversation is over and then ignoring the rest of what may come from my mouth? I can't even really fathom it. I'd be just as upset, if not more so, by the time you deem it ok to revisit the issue. My voice may not be raised, but I would be no more impressed than earlier.
Yeah..no dice. God truly is good, because like you said, he put together 2 individuals for whom it works.
lol, I guess I should have read on.
"So, ‘babe, trust me, we’ll come back to it later… for now, let’s just chill,” then i’ll come do something playful, or hit you with the “The Best Man frontal lobe kiss” – and you would chill… eventually."
Yeah..you'd probably get away with that. It really depends on the nature of the argument, though. For the bigger issues or something that's just really bugging me, not so much.
it takes two people to have a conversation. if one person doesn't want to have it i doubt there's anything you could do.
I feel you. I was puffing up just thinking about that ish. While your cool head was prevailing I already did what I wanted to do, etc.
"So yeah – saying “Conversation Done” is strictly for live men, not for freshmen…"
lol i could see myself saying some ish like this.
It's not safe for me to read comments like this…they're dangerous. A sister could lose her job over a comment such as this. Lose self control. Make poor decisions when hit on by a lessthan man…I know I can't speak for everyone, but for ME – fellas, THIS is leadership! THIS makes me WANT to follow. THIS makes me wanna follow a man to the ends of the Earth. I swear 'fore God the man that can talk to me like this with love will have my respect forever. Fighting fair and productively is a lost art form.
Respectfully, whatutalkinbout Maxie? You LOVE a good Hushmama! You coined the term!
Yes but for a true hush mama I have to be talking complete sh*t and/or have no legit reason for being upset. Shutting me down in that situation is hawt. But if we're having a difference of opinion and he decides I'm putting too much energy into stating mine and shuts down the whole convo? That's not hot at all.
Still think you're too hostile……
http://i3.glitter-graphics.org/pub/947/947463e37x…
The convo is only shut down til we regain our composure, not forever…he's using a Spocklike control of his emotions and logic to make the argument actually productive instead of an emotion filled insultfest. I love it. I'm not a yeller, I'm not a name caller, but I will cry in an instant and will certainly overthink and internalize his every word, action and inaction. Sometimes it's important for me to have the time away from the argument to let my emotions subside and let me logic take back over. But I realize this is just me, and the Sap is strong with me. Perhaps you have a much better control of your emotions than I do. *starts crying because Max is disagreeing with me* j/k 😉
This is why we love men.Let me rephrase. This is why I love men. Where I am weak they are strong and vice versa. They're the ying to my yang. Go ahead and twist that, they're that too 😉Max, calm down. Lol – j/k
Seriously though. This isn't something I use for my own benefit, that's the part of this that's most important. It only works, and my wife only gets better in this if I am responsible in my use of the shut down. If I do it because I'm being stubborn, or don't wanna hear her opinion, then it wouldn't work. But because, deep down inside, past whatever anger or hurt, or excitement you were feeling at the time, you trusted me. You would know that if I'm saying the conversation is done, I'm saying it because the conversation is about to go left. You're about to say something hurtful that you will want to take back, and in doing so, about to push me to the point of ambivalence, which you would hate even more. So, 'babe, trust me, we'll come back to it later… for now, let's just chill," then i'll come do something playful, or hit you with the "The Best Man frontal lobe kiss" – and you would chill… eventually.
"Conversation Done" – The most ingenious way to solve a lot of issues.
I'm not that nice, when I want to end a conversation, I'll just up and leave, lol, that seems to work, and makes me laugh every single time because they're left even more pissed off lol but by the time that both heads have been cooled off things are in the best perspective.
🙂 always good pointers Most.
You already know beef.
Sidebar – why'd you go with beef bacon? I thought you were a dude when I first started reading your comments on here… Bacon seems masculine to me for some reason…
LMAO. Masculine? Never looked at it like that. I just happen to really like Beef Bacon. Plus it is my way of putting it out there and getting people to think about a tastier, less deadlier version of bacon.
Lean with just enough fat
Raised on a farm
Better than other bacons
I guess you can say I can relate.
Less deadlier for who? The Cow?
I think both the pig, cow and Turkey are all pretty dead…
LOL. Touche'.
I thought she was a man too at first.
I have been told by many that I tend to think like everyone: men and women…I look at that as a good thing. Yet, the woman I am is very evident in most of my comments.
Nothing about me physically is, ever was or will ever be mannish.
Again, Keeping It Real/100% is not welcomed in the society I live in (NYC)… It so funny, because the same people who get mad about being lied to are the most shadiest of creatures… But they are right… they don't mind SCREWING YOU OVER… but not the other way around…
I believe in honesty, and I live it everyday… I'm not loved for it… but I am respected & trusted that my opinion is authentic… But if I was more result oriented
like getting the pussy at ALL COSTS… I would sugarcoat & dance alot more…#iconfess i'm guilty of using the "ok" move. i know she hates it, sometimes my brain gets tired when arguing with a woman i'm dealing with…other times, i just don't give a f***
i'm trying to improve, but it's a process…
Fam, what you gotta do is stop the conversation before you get to the "ok" point. There's a point in every conversation where, you're thinking to yourself, "I know what you're saying, I just disagree – fundamentally". Sometimes, you gotta repeat their opinion back to them, just so that they know you get it, and then say… "I just disagree"
Then you hit her with the "we bpassed the point of productivity…" joint I described above. If it's an important issue, she might flip out at you shutting the convo down. Then she'll sulk and leave your vicinity, then an hour or so later, when she's tired of being upset and ready to make the tough decision, you can have a productive conversation.
"other times, i just don’t give a f***"
Which is why these things ("ok", "you on your cycle?", "you're right", "whatever", "calm down") infuriate us…they are all a way of saying that you don't care and dismissing us as crazy and irrational…
Can I just say publicly, I say all this stuff to women, but I say it in a way that is effective. Plus, I think women expect to be upset with me when talking to me so they just get over and understand that's just me being honest.
Calm down – I'll tell you why not, because women don't like being told they're irrational or crazy. It's been a defense mechanism for men since the beginning of time to call them that. However, this is how you can do it effectively; I stop talking, I wait for her to stop talking, I look her in the eyes, I place my hand on her shoulder, I smile and I say, "Babe, calm down."
Are you on your period? – Why not? Because women don't like when you try to imply that they don't have rational thoughts and that some monthly occurence has anything to do with the way they feel. The best way to say this, early diagnosis leads to effective treatment. Hit her up early on, "Ok, i'm going to have this conversation, but first, "Is your period coming up?" Honestly, if you don't attack women they will tell you that sometimes they just get uber-emotional and sensitive around that time. WB, Warn-a-Brother. Men rarely know that waiting out things for like 4-5 days can solve problems and save energy. It's also a good idea to know when the period is coming, my only hint. I think it's something with the moon but it seems like most women have theirs at the same time. Those are those, No Country For Single Men nights in the club.
Your friend is hot – If I didn't now what hot was, I wouldn't be able to call my lady hot. Point, blank, period. I'm not with your friend, but a woman needs to respect that her man has an eye for beauty.
Your opinion – My honest recommendation, just say, "Let's agree to disagree." But i'm good for a "that makes absolutely no sense." I learned that from Most. Person gets so upset that they in fact start acting irrational and their entire argument goes crashing down like the Ravens in the 4th quarter, turnovers, flags, blown coverages… it's freaking amazing!
OK. – Honestly, Lola and Max talk to me all the time, they know that this is a weakness of mine. OK is my response just about anything. I'm sorry, but I don't mean anything by it, i've learned to be more forthright with detail or use another term, but when in a rush, that's what you're getting.
On the real though, silence is golden. That's the worst thing you can say to a woman, nothing.
Lol, "Plus, I think women expect to be upset with me when talking to me so they just get over and understand that’s just me being honest." This doesn't surprise me in the least!
J – I've always thought of you as my man's best friend. You know, we don't know each other, but I see him around a lot, my man talks about him cuz he's his boy, we run in a similar circle, and I know of him but don't really know him. But when we are in the same space we have some stellar arguments for sh!ts and grins and just love to rub each other the wrong way just to see the reaction. #PsychoConfession.
I dig your bluntness, I swear I feel like I know you, ever since I first read you…I disagree with exactly half of the sh!t you say and agree completely with exactly half of the other ish you say…
Like this right here – "On the real though, silence is golden. That’s the worst thing you can say to a woman, nothing." Truer words have never been spoken
I still wanna fight you thought.I cosign your entire list. These are good ones. I hate the "are you on your period" comment is just rude. Would any man really tell his woman that her friend is hot? Do not believe that a woman could have this convo without any hate. It's a trick question. If she asks, it's because she knows her friend is hot and is watching YOU to see if you have any bright ideas. Don't ever answer that or things will change. lol
I'd like to add: "When you gonna let me hit" or any phrase asking for s.ex. I don't care if you're a Boris Kodjoe look alike…it's a wrap. Don't ever ask a woman this. Even if she was thinking about it, it's now over for you.
I call bullsh!t. I've asked on many an occasion "So are you going to crack some cheeks or what?", verbatim and it has yielded excellent results. Now the fact that I'm always quite blunt and am unable to hold my tongue may contribute to the success rate, but I wouldn't recomend this strategy for a guy who has been playing Mr. Nice Guy.
The only one of these that really burns me is calm down. I'm the first to admit that it's sometimes well-deserved – and it can even be kinda hot when it's administered correctly – but the vast majority of the time it's dismissive.
If I'm speaking with passion but not necessarily anger about something and I'm told to calm down that will send me over the edge.
I'm not a huge fan of OK but once you get used to talking to someone who is a chronic overuser of the phrase you come to learn when OK means "alright", "you don't make sense but I'm going to leave you there", or "I've stopped paying attention to this conversation".
Max put it this way…
If you were in your office, speaking (irate) passionately about something you care about, Do you think you would hold their attention or have them all pondering the angry black woman theory?
Now you are dealing with someone you love/care about and they want to understand your point. All the excess emotion is skipping the point you are making. So why get hyped over an argument that probably doesnt call for it?
I'm not one to fly off the handle all willy-nilly, so if I'm getting amplified there's a reason for it. To me refusing to continue the discussion because you've decided my energy level is too high is selfish and dismissive.
You can suggest putting a pin in it or even ask me why I'm getting so hyper, but to just unilaterally decide the conversation is over? Nah. Not cool in my book.
i say "ok" a whole lot. *shrug* i don't expect a woman to be alright with that either. it's cool because i'm sure i won't be alright with a lot things she does. deal with it or don't.
My friend (platonic) does 2 out 5 of those to me all time (calm down and ok) and I hate it. I emailed him the post directly after reading lol… don't know if he'll stop, but atleast SBM can have a new reader.
I use and have used "calm down" quite often. Why? Because she needs to calm her a$$ down! Discussion is about what you say, not how loud you say it. I'm not keen on yelling matches, so if that's what you need to do, go outside and do some tai chi until you calm down. My girl gets p!ssed when I do this, but yelling matches is something I do not put up with.
As far as "does this make me look fat", well call me a jerk, but by the time my girl gets to that point of saying that, I probably would have already told her, "hey, we need to get to the gym" weeks ago. I really don't understand why guys hide from this question. It's a setup, and she'll be mad because you either a. agreed that she is fat or b. lied to her. So go ahead and tell her. If she's going to be mad regardless, you may as well acknowledge it so she can drop a few pounds. Do it enough times, and she'll stop asking.
Exactly. Eff a tip toe. Tell her what she needs to lose and help her get there!
@Hugh
If she is making a valid point about whatever the discussion is, it is not necessary to tell her to calm down. By saying calm down and having a negative body language (calm down w rolled eyes, shes not making any sense type look on ur face) then she is most likely interpreting your "calm down" as you discounting her opinions and concerns. Theres a better way to articulate "calm down". Also, how the message is delivered to her at the time of a tense conversaiton is equally important.
A valid point isn’t any more valid whether you say it, scream it, or whisper it. Why shouldn’t I have a negative reaction to her irrational yelling? Her yelling at me is a negative action towards me, and we all know Newton’s third law. If she is yelling at me, as far as I’m concerned, she is disrespecting me, and you’re saying I should keep her feelings in mind? I guess a better way to articulate “calm down” could be “speak to me like the grown man I am or shut the fcuk up”, but I think “calm down” is a more appropriate euphemism.
lol @ Newtons third law reference…
Im under the assumption that the couple are just having a rational conversation in which opinions differ and the male is responding with calm down/ its not that serious type thing. Now if one is yelling and jumping to conclusions unwarranted, then ones reaction prob wont be what I suggested. But going back to what I said initially, delivery is important (on both parts) which can prevent a convo from escalating (u know newtons first law right?!).
No one should feel belittled or patronized during a heated convo and respect shouldnt be taken out of the equation.
Agreed. I just have to assume that the conversation was a bit heated, otherwise there would be no reason to calm down. You're right, no one should be dismissed outright, but no one should accept being belittled because the person they're talking to can't get their point across.
Do I know Newton's first law? I wouldn't be much of an engineer if I didn't! To put it in modern ghetto terms; don't start none, won't be none!
Why doesn't anyone realize that calm down.. may actually mean calm down? There is no disrespect, it just means for you to relax a little to clear your head and have a discussion.
I purposedly snapped on an ex who was getting loud over something silly.. It scared the hell out of her and she quickly lowered her tone. Sometimes, letting them see a lil bit of your crazy side works.Women like some domination (whether its admitted or not).
Well just pull my hair and drag me into the cave….I like that too btw. LOL
Beef Bacon, you good money in my book simply cuz you have two of my favorite food groups in your name.
You get the club to the head and the gratuitous drag…
Wait…a club to the head? Translate that for me…is that a good thing in cave time? If not, DO NOT fall alseep near me.
Hmmmm I can co-sign some: if you tell me "ok" when I'm trying to say something serious I will pause. But only to pray to Jesus for strength. And as far as the period thing goes… I'm only moody sans my morning coffee so ill choose to ignore any other comment after that.
As to my girls…. My group selects bad b*shes (and not some foolish oh my girls are fine… But legit). It wouldn't surprise me and I wouldn't get upset. I'd trust my girls with my mother's safety and we all have different taste. So go ahead and look.
I do NOT tip toe around saying what's up.
If I want to end the conversation, I'll end it: "Ok we're done with this topic."
I won't go all willy-nilly with it so my lady knows I do care about how she feels.
She also knows that she can go overboard. She likes with when I put my foot down.
"Ok" is not what I get in trouble for. It's "cool." Using that as a description for anything that her and I do will lead to her giving me the stank face. Sometimes, I do it just to mess with her though… LOL
Are you on your period?
Why would a woman get mad by asking if she's on her period? I never witnessed such a situation unless it was some random girl and she rude to a guy. At the same time, why would I ask my lady? I know my lady's cycle. You should know yours…
Also, my lady wouldn't get all mad. She'll just say no and be cool.
But I would tell her: "You're being b*tchy right now" and "don't start crying…" but it's all in love though. LOL
And before anyone think to make a comment: you personally may not agree; however, you have no clue of the context, tone or anything about the people involved. Now say sumthin! I dare you! lol
I find that "huh?" and "Are you finished?" tend to get things rolling nicely. Oh, and never ever EVER smile!! They will turn into Altered Beast on your ass!
You should notate varieties of "ok"…..my least favorite being "yep". Others include cool, whatever, uh huh, sure, and right. Death to those dismissive pieces of slimy basura.
Pum pum sequestering #dead
great post. You forgot the silent treatment. Works every time. No matter how many times she contacts you…just ignore her till you're ready to talk.
I've never yelled to a friend/significant other, only my sister. I can tell you, silence is arguing too. It works wonders, but it is definitely not a way to end the argument. It'll come back and haunt you later on.
I also don't recommend laughing at someone's face when they're mad about something you find completely irrational.
Men shouldn't ask me about my periods because they have no fucking clue how hormones affect women. They should count their lucky stars that htey dont have to deal with it and shut the eff up. Besides, I don't even get emotional/irate when I'm ON my periods, I get emotional right BEFORE I get them. Bet you didn't know that is even possible, so again, until you've experienced not being yourself for a week each month, you need to shut up. It's not like I want to cry over everything, I just cannot help it. It annoys me greatly so if you ask me anything related to it, you won't get any reply. I'll leave.
But I'm fair to my SO and when I start crying uncontrollably over whatever, I'll let him know it's cause of my periods. He never uses it against me (he's a smart one).
Here's a tip, if you even feel you need to say the words "calm down" you already ran a whole lot of yellow lights and likely a few red ones too. If women were as aggressive as men they would not build up as large a head of steam. So if women encourage you to be a better communicator, then encourage your female friends to be more proactive about venting before the steam gets real hot.
Respect her space and boundaries and remember that people with female reproductive systems are just that a person. And although the details that go along with carrying that system are different from the the details of carrying a male reproductive system, you don't like it when people harp on the rhythms and challenges of carrying the male reproductive system, (and there are many just look at this planet) so don't harp on hers.
Oh and if you think that being "the man" in the relationship means being in charge you must be very boring in bed, b/c you seem to be able to think of only one position in relating to people with female reproductive systems. And for her, it's like going one-on-one with someone who wants to you to take only 3 steps before having to stop and shoot or give you the ball.