You’re not going to marry him. Your “boo” who you’ve been in love with (off and on of course) will never get down on one knee and propose to you. Stop picking out colors. Stop writing letters to David Tutera, two homosexual rabbits in the state of California have a better chance of saying “I do” than you. It’s not because you aren’t sexy and smell good. It’s because you have issues that you don’t know are issues.  If you’re in long term relationship and have one of those gaudy Wet Seal costume jewelry rings on your ring finger instead of an engagement ring—one of these may be the reason…

REASONS YOU’RE NOT GETTING MARRIED:

Your Mama Is Busted: If you’re 22 with perky breasts and a phat booty and your moms is 42 and saggy everywhere —we notice that from jump. You know why men love younger girls, it’s because we get extra time before it all falls apart. We want the prettiest chicks, but that smooth skin and tight butt– it’s just a picture in time; the mother is the real test of what we’re going to end up with.

Of Babies and Baby Daddy’s: It’s not your fault you have a kid. I mean it is, but it’s not like you can abort at age 3 Just because you meet that Tight End who plays for the Falcons. Personally I would never hold having a kid against a woman unless the kid liked to wear lipstick and dress up in his mommy’s heels. My homeboy Homicide always calls me telling about new chicks, and he describes them like they’re the perfect women. I then say, what’s wrong with her that she’s 26, this great, and nobody’s snatched her up? He then tells me she has a kid. By the next month he’s hit it and split. Despite her having all of these positive traits, few are man enough to handle an already made family.

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Milk That Cow:  Men propose marriage all the time when they’re trying to smash, it’s called pacifying.  Davon telling you he wants to marry you while he’s gripping your butt at the club isn’t the same as you and Davon being in a relationship, him buying a ring, and getting down on one knee. A guy saying he wants to marry you is like somebody yelling “zombie”. Until you turn around and see a Zombie, there isn’t one. I’ve heard girls say countless time, “he wants to marry me”. Wants to and proposed are two different things.

Bad Reputation: You think moving from the West side of town to the North side of town is going to erase “the list” of boys you’ve let run up in—no ma’am. The more people you know in your town the harder it is to mess with a girl. I know, you’re not supposed to care, that’s the past—but how are you going to go shopping for Thanksgiving ingredients and the OG security guard is calling out to your wife “what up Ingrid, me and the fellas still watch that tape we made”?

He Doesn’t Know What He’s Got: So you’re a smart, ambitious, with a sexy mama, no kids, and the only freaky thing you did was with those guys at College 3000 miles away. You’re a keeper. So why isn’t he asking you to marry him? He’s been saying “I’m getting my money up” for nearly two years—it’s time to leave. Some ask how a bad chick can be over 30 and single. Easy, she wasted her 20’s on guys who wouldn’t fully commit. A 2 year relationship here, a 3 year relationship there, it adds up and you find yourself looking around at your friends who are boo’ed up asking, “why can’t I find a good one”?  I repeat LEAVE HIM! One’s man’s something is another man’s blah blah blah you know the cliché, and it’s true. It’s easy to say I love you, it’s just a sentence used to open legs even wider. Trust me, he doesn’t really love you until you’re walking around with that ring… or making the layaway payments on it.