It’s interesting hearing what people have to say when it comes to the topic of rejection, especially when suggesting women eat more rejection pie. Depending on when it rears its ugly head, the definitions and reactions to it change. If we’re talking about a job, people typically make comments like “I didn’t want that gig anyway.” If we’re talking about getting into a college, people often respond with “I didn’t wanna go there anyway. That was just a safety school.” For those who desired that job or dream university admission, disappointment hits hard. Yet in dating, men are expected to chase without expectation of commitment.

Dating Should Be a Two-Way Street

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about my lack of desire to chase after women. The basic point of the post was that I don’t have time for games and antics. The sub-point was that dating, courting, chasing, or whatever you want to call it shouldn’t fall more so on one gender than the other. Feedback online as well as away from the keyboard has been mixed. I was talking to one of my lady friends over the holidays and she shared the same sentiment as many of the women that read the post. “Men are supposed to approach and aggressively court women. It’s nice to have someone that’s confident enough to come up to you and show that they’re interested. It’s great to have someone pursuing you regardless of your initial response as long as they don’t get crazy.”

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Equality in Courtship: Why Not?

I agree. I really do. However, what about men? Are we not entitled to have the same feelings about women who approach us and spark a conversation? Is it not cool for us to have a woman be like “Hey, I noticed you standing here by yourself at the bar and just wanted to come over and say hello”? I think that’s fine. The tradition of courting has been morphed—or maybe it’s evolved—or maybe it’s in hospice care. We’re in the era of “I can do good all by myself” so the game just isn’t the way that it used to be. Accept it like an FB friend request from someone you know. And remember, women eat more rejection pie.

Debunking Myths About Insecurity and Esteem

One of the comments I got repeatedly on the post was that a man who doesn’t want to court or chase a woman is insecure or has esteem issues. My response to that is a question: Couldn’t the same be said for a woman who is hiding her inability to deal with rejection by saying it’s a man’s job? Sounds like a copout using an increasingly obsolete “norm” if you ask me.

Initiating Conversations: A Two-Way Street

Initiating a conversation has always been a 2-way street. There have been times when I tried to talk to women and their responses were less than engaging. Perhaps they just weren’t feeling me. I shrugged it off and kept it moving. It happens. In other situations, I’ve reached out to women and they’ve ignored my texts, calls, emails, and any other communication that I’ve tried to spark. Once again, it was what it was; well, that was until I eventually found out they liked me and wondered why I hadn’t followed up.

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Rejection is not a Gendered Burden

When it comes to relationships or opportunities, rejection isn’t something that should be left for men solely because of chromosome makeup. This “A real man gets shot down and keeps it moving. At least he tried.” business is bullsh*t. Well, maybe it isn’t bullsh*t, but it’s a responsibility that should be shared by real women.

Embrace Ambition and Take Risks

If you consider yourself ambitious, you should meet rejection and failure at the coffee shop now and then. If you can hustle to the top of an organization, publish a book, or land your dream gig, you can start a conversation with someone you like instead of waiting for them to notice you—especially if you want a family before it’s too late. After all, women eat more rejection pie.


Seriously though,