"See ... your knees don't even hurt!"
Yes … it’s one of those posts!
I know it’s taboo for a black man to badmouth the “Strong Black Woman”. I mean, it’s done everyday almost, on the internet and in real life, but we will always be given hell for saying anything bad about the SBW.
Well, first and foremost … I love Strong Black Women (generally speaking).
I have always been a fan of independent women. I love educated women. I really love black women. And I love women who have some proper sense of self worth and know how to get sh*t done on their own when it needs to be done.
With all that being said, there are somethings about the stereotypical Strong Black Women that downright scare me. There are some traits that fill my insides with cold bile and make me want to recoil in horror as I see them do certain things. There are somethings that are common to many (notice I didn’t say all or majority) of Strong Black Woman that I just can’t stand. And since it is my turn to express my feelings to the world … let me tell ya about it
***disclaimer***
I highlighted the word stereotypical because it is every woman’s decision whether or not she will fall into the stereotype or not. Just because you are a SBW, doesn’t mean you have to act like the one portrayed in flawed popular media. Thank You.
***********
Dresses Me in Her Image
I say this because it has happened to me. I’m not talking about the person who buys you something that they like to see you wear, or gives you suggestions on what might look good on you. I’ll even give props to the woman trying to “upgrade” her man’s wardrobe. But when you have a woman who refuses to go out with you, or throws a temper tantrum when you don’t buy the tie they picked out (she ran out of the store), or refuses to let you dress themselves (these are real stories people) … that’s a problem.
Calls Me “Uncultured”
Those of you who know me know that I do love caviar on water crackers (it’s really good) … but I also love Funyuns with my malt liquor. I refuse to give up the cheap and low end things I enjoy because of their perceived “classlessness”. I am a articulate, educated, and well established man who has achieved … stuff, and if I want to listen to Wacka Flaka … I don’t want to be insulted. I earned the right to go hard in the paint.
Wants me to move into her Single Family House
This one actually deserves a whole post on it’s own. For whatever reason, there are a healthy amount of land owning women that assume at some point in my life I want to move into their house. And I don’t mean condo or townhouse, but a real life house with a backyard. It’s hard to explain exactly why this is emasculating … so I won’t (now). Just believe me when I guarantee you there are many men who feel like me.
States her Independence every other day
Yes … I know you finished school on your own. I know you are a partner at your law firm. I know no one has given you any handouts. And I know you work harder than most men at your level just to be treated fair. But honestly, I don’t give a f*ck. We are dating and I am not interviewing you. I am not your younger sister looking for motivation in life and I am not Oprah looking to put your story on TV. I just want some head and to be happy.
Won’t give me head on her knees
Apparently there is a growing group of women who find the act of pleasing their man while on their knees demeaning. WTF? When it comes to bedroom antics, suck it up (pun intended) and take one for the team (not intended). Stop being so proud all your life.
Ok …
Random, yes. But you know there is truth in my words. There are a lot of women who run away from the stereotypes listed here, but after having dated more than one women embodying several of these … this is more than just random griping of Black men.
Men: What did I miss? What other attributes of this mythical SBW exist that I didn’t capture? Let your pain be heard
Women: Is this you? Do you agree with one or two things on this list? Do you have a friend that is this stereotypical creature who is running amok?
– SBM aka “I got some knee pads for ya” aka “You can independently decide to hum on my b*lls!”
P.S. – This isn’t just a black thing!
Lol. I find this really funny because I refuse to give head on my knees. I love giving head but there's just something about being on your knees while performing..
Question: Why is it a problem?
Having your woman(jumpoff/random chick) press you against the wall and take you in while on her knees is one of the most magnificent sights for a man to behold…
I think it’s a control thing. I remember hearing dudes tell girls or each other to duck their sicks when in intense argument. So I used to wonder how can it be a good thing to do that if you using it as a put down? Men….would you answer this?
So sometimes, it may feel degrading for them to want you to get on your knees or have them grab your head during a brainstorm (lol, personal issue I used to have ;).
Until you feel free to totally let go, things like that will happen.
And if a woman has bad knees, she could try squatting instead of being on her knees.
If it really is a "control" thing, then wouldn't the woman have the power in this situation? Think about it for a minute. Men are the most vulnerable where? And you're holding this area and using your mouth/teeth on it?
If anything whomever happens to be gving the 'job" has the upper hand IMO.
You've literally got us "by the balls".
http://instantrimshot.com/
#i'llbehereallweekandpleasetipyoursbmwaitress
Yes, that makes sense and it is true.
The same reasons some young men have to talk themselves into giving h*** to some girls. It puts you in a vulnerable position for some reason.
I just know that I never felt the need to go all out for a dude that I didn’t care about that much. Naturally, those great curl your toes moments come out when you really love someone.
for some reason, this comment made me snigger like a juvenile delinquent.
If you have bad knees squatting could be worse.
I do not understand why the position I am in matters so much? If its going down the other way I couldnt care less! If you dont like being on your knees grab a chair. Whatev!
Wow, its crazy to hear all these young folk talking about bad knees. Yoga and squat thrust will help!
Men just like feeling like Shaka I guess. Looking down on a woman pleasing them probably sends them in eupohria. I ain't mad…cuz I like that too.
I'm not going to hate on people who are doing their thing. Problem is though in a relationship we all have to make sacrifices. My home girl is like "I thought I was marrying a man; this isn't what I signed up for" There's stuff that needs to get done and it aint going to get done with him feeling all sorry for himself and moping around the gaff. No she's right but she's also wrong because communicating in that way is only going to drive home away. She's right though but it's not helpful. I can of see it with the whole kneeling and head thing, it's demeaning but it's also sexy as hell. In the right relationship he's not going to think any less of you and if your self image is alright that shouldn't demean you in anyway and you can give your man some pleasure. Win, win, inn't? Or so one would think. In the right relationship, you don't mind putting yourself out there because you trust your partner not to abuse that trust. That's what am thinking at the moment.
"…In the right relationship he’s not going to think any less of you […] In the right relationship, you don’t mind putting yourself out there because you trust your partner not to abuse that trust…" You're not the only one; I feel you in what I had quoted.. In addition, I've had sex with women on the first date and lost NO respect for said women. LOL… Guess I wasn't in "…the right relationship…" (shrug) An atypical black man is usually chosen to be misunderstood, feared, and/or shunned.
“…In the right relationship he’s not going to think any less of you […] In the right relationship, you don’t mind putting yourself out there because you trust your partner not to abuse that trust…” You’re not the only one; I feel you in what I had quoted.. In addition, I’ve had sex with women on the first date and lost NO respect for said women. And got "the alien treatment" usually within a few weeks. LOL… Guess I wasn’t in “…the right relationship…” (shrug) An atypical black man is usually chosen to be misunderstood, feared, and/or shunned.
"In the right relationship he’s not going to think any less of you and if your self image is alright that shouldn’t demean you in anyway and you can give your man some pleasure."
Exactly. How is it demeaning if you two are feeling each other? It's only demeaning if he isn't feeling you and only using you for head. When it comes to s.ex, for me, pride should be left at the door. Pleasure is the only feeling I'm going for. I could care less what compromising position I'm in. I'm not thinking about dignity in that case.
Haha…well I like to consider myself a fairly independent woman, so…
I have upgraded a few men in my life, whom weren't even my boyfriend. I'm a bit of fashionista and these gentlemen needed help. Its only the right thing to do. There wardrobe a present piece of ass thanks me.
Oh I've called a many a person uncultured. They're usually American and has nothing to do with what they choose to eat.
I wouldn't want a man to move into my house. I'd rather turn it into a rental property and move into the new one he's buying for the both of us.
As for stating my independence. …I'm so over independence. After watching these reality shows like basketball wives etc I've decided I want to be a gold digger. Life seems so much more fun and easy that way atleast that's how they portray. I swear men want to take care of you when the first thing that comes out of their mouth after meeting you is what they have and how much they make. *shrug*
Lol as for giving head on my knees…. I really do have bad knees.
There was so many things I smh'd to in your post.. That I'm just going to keep it moving….
Haha! Feel free to share. Some was in jest but that's how I feel for the most part.
I agree. Would have just been too much to SMH at every single point and list a reason why.
"As for stating my independence. …I’m so over independence. After watching these reality shows like basketball wives etc I’ve decided I want to be a gold digger. Life seems so much more fun and easy that way atleast that’s how they portray. "
^^^Ha! I love it! +1
"Oh I’ve called a many a person uncultured. They’re usually American and has nothing to do with what they choose to eat."
I wont even delve into the american and uncultured thing because then this post will jump the shark. Maybe I'll write on that Wed because I def have an issue with that…. lol
I also agree about the SMH on this entire comment. "Move into the home that He buys US" lol I feel you pimpin!
dunno why everyone is SMH, i was nodding all the way through.
e.g. asking you to move into my house is emasculating, but wanting to move into yours is wrong? are we trying to be homeless? or is it that you want to be the one to decide that you moving in to my house, but if i suggest it then it's a problem? someone explain the (non-)logic.
and, hell, golddiggas always looking better than my tired-from-working-friggin-long-days independent self. so feck yea, i hate on them. wish i was born with the golddigga gene. then i can upgrade u.
Man, I'm glad I've upgraded years ago from "the steeotypically strong black woman". I've gravitated toward the atypical, i.e. actual and individual, woman.. As far as letting my pain be heard, I'm a black man… Therefore, my pain is irrelevant to most. # TheNiggaYouLoveToHate
"As far as letting my pain be heard, I’m a black man… Therefore, my pain is irrelevant to most."
That was the basis for the creation of this site.
Go ahead and let your pain be heard.
"I earned the right to go hard in the paint." I love that statement. Great Post SBM.
I do consider myself a SBW, however, I can't relate to anything on your list…at all. LOL.
Returning the favor of weakening my man’s knees is a must.
Happy V Day Everyone!
I approve this post! LOL….this last one….eh, I'm gonna leave that alone.
As far as the moving in the house bit, it's usually because more women have homes and the men don't and it's a better decision. However, personally, I hate living in ATL anyway, so I'd put a "for rent" sign up so fast, and keep it moving. Even if I didn't, I understand why it would seem emasculating for a man to move into the woman's house, UNLESS it's for the greatest cause.
As far as shouting independence, that's always being rather redundant and asinine to me. I mean, the opposite of independence is dependence, so why would that be necessary to put on repeat? In this country, people are expected to be independent, so one is not special because they're independent. They're just like everyone else.
On the "dressing me in her image" point, the WORST example of this is when your significant other repeatedly buys you clothes as gifts. You feel like an ass if you don't wear them sometimes, but then you know that you're an upgrade target. Sneaky …
"Won’t give me head on her knees"
I do not think of this as demeaning… moreso uncomfortable. Hey… If I am not comfortable it probably will not last that long.
BAM! lol
Actually the knees is the best for my neck. I don't know if it's the gravity weighing on my head when hovering over but my neck starts to hurt after a while. It's much easier on my knees. Just put some cushions under them.
I prefer to lay on the bed or sit (what ever makes the peen face level) and take it from there. Giggity Giggity! lol!
Oh yeah… laying on your back with head leaning back over the side of the bed is nice too. 😉
I could do sooooo much with this comment but I won't cause I'm not sure about censorship on SBM. 😉 lolol But I will say that this:
"laying on your back with head leaning back over the side of the bed is nice too. "
…taught me how to deep throat and is great for the man's control as long as he doesn't kill you. haha
The old comment section is back! yay!
I like the intent behind this post but I don't necessarily agree.
I am not changing a man's dress. Maybe, its because every man I've dealt with dresses very well..so, there is no need..but, I will contribute to his wardrobe.
I have a nice size home and I live by myself with my kids…I am not really keen on living with people and you are not married. So, that is a no-go.
I do agree with the no head on the knees…but, not because of the reason you stated..its because I have bad knees…lol. I would get down there if I could get back up.
I don't state my independence at all. I never did. My life says it all..I don't need to say anything. Women who constantly do that..get on my nerves…its like okay, okay,…geez.
To be considered cultured means you have refined tastes..I don't think, you can teach that…I was born cultured..and I read alot, I am an enthusiastic learner, I am spontaneous, I am willing to try new things and experiences…that is a personality trait..that is DNA, baby. I know Professor Higgins taught Eliza Doolittle to be cultured but I submit that she reverted back to true form after awhile…lol.
Good Post!
"I would get down there if I could get back up."
lmao
"Apparently there is a growing group of women who find the act of pleasing their man while on their knees demeaning."
This is a joke, right?
I thought the same thing…but then I started reading the BEAUTIFUL comments section back in it's original state and realized this really is a thing…*shudders*
Okay the examples you gave above is for lonely women right? I can't imagine being this way. I know they exist but def a stereotype and not the majority in my experience. Okay, I take that back with "states her independence every other day"…I know alot of women who do this. They always mention their degrees and what they are NOT willing to do for a man. I know I roll my eyes as a woman so I can't imagine how annoying this must be to a man. I seriously want to shout "Get over yourself!" I get it, you're proud of yourself and I'm proud of you too but you don't have to be arrogant with it.
And women who don't give head?? I don't know a single woman who doesn't give head…on her knees, in a tree, in the car, at the bar, etc lolol
Btw, I call foul on the woman who wants the man to move in. What's wrong with that? That is the biggest dilemma I'm having with Mr. Man right now. He doesn't want to leave his place and I don't want to leave mine. There is nothing wrong with it except he lives in an apartment 300 miles away and wants me to quit my job where I make more, have a house, etc. I have much more to lose. I didn't throw my assets in his face but I think it's very masculine and unfair to expect your woman to move when you are unwilling and have much less to lose.
I'm sorry … but you need to start shopping for a realtor right now. There may be some examples where a guy would move in with the Mrs. … but I think they are far and few in between.
All the other examples are really taken from regular women that I dated. They weren't lonely (I mean … we were dating), but I've gotten plenty of co-signage from friends.
A woman literally stormed out the store because I didn't like the tie she picked out.
Someone told me I was uncultured because I used "slang".
This isn't made up stuff.
I'm sorry but if all a woman is doing is changing up your outfit you should be grateful she finds that the least of your faults lol. I've met perfectly fine men who think that it's still 1993. I'm not going to pout if you don't wear my sweater but puhlllllease don't think I'm rolling to dinner with you in your fubu jersey.
This! There are some really bad dressers out there and its not even about changing who you are its about making you presentable to the public. Ugh, I can't stand ill fitting baggy attire on men, were not even getting into the decades there stuck in yet…
A man in a good fitted suit with some fab cologne could get it any day of the week from me lol j/k, kinda/sorta.
#thegrungemovementdied withCurtCobain
On Valentine's Day man? lol
I was thinking the same thing. #nevascurred
Girls who do most of these things have control issues and are insecure, it has nothing to do with strong or independent.
Here is the problem with Strong Black Women….there is one crucial art they have not mastered….the art of keeping a man happy. All the education, all the money, all the cars in the world can't teach you how to keep a man. And then they wonder why, with all they supposedly have goin for themselves, why everybody has a man but them. There are just some things like 1) Knowing when to STFU and 2) Not belittling your man 3) Not complainin when your man tries to do somethin nice…….that strong black women seemed to have missed the boat on.
See it's taken me a long time to realize it but…..I like submissive women. Most men like submissive women. Why do black men chase white women. Cause white women know how to act submissive without actually being submissive. Hint, Hint
I have to agree wholeheartedly with this.
Sidenote: Thank You SBM for returning to the original comment form.
Yeah, I learned this 5 years ago. It could have saved me a few years of heartache but better late to learn than never. Give women time, they'll learn eventually. Finess comes with age. I just learned to be "independent" in every part of my live that I can control. When it comes to my man, I let him think *cough* I let him run what he wants. I don't mind letting him have control in certain aspects. You can't be the boss all of the time. Plus, men have egos that need rubbing. Na'mean? lol
I don't know how to comment, i'm not compatible with Strong Black Women. But the last one I dated, definitely gave me head on her knees. She even gave me head in the club one time. I'm not sure what that has to do with this, but it's never a bad time to mention getting wiped down in the club.
Change your name to Dr. Rothlesberger LOL
Head in the club…. and this was Wifey?
I wouldn't know how to act towards her afterwards….
Go ahead and let the truth be known so we don't play ourselves in the club. Unappreciative negroes. lol Ha!
"Unappreciative negroes"
…and then wonders why women dont do certain stuff!
Yeah, that is wild DeKeLa. What's wrong with wifey doing the stuff you would let the jump-off do? SMH!
I have heard that there are men like that and I am glad I am not married to one.
DeKeLa: Head in the club…. and this was Wifey?
I wouldn’t know how to act towards her afterwards….
Hmmm if only someone had recently wrote a post called 'The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum' and how men can't handle the freaky women they claim they want. But who? WHO COULD WRITE SUCH A TIMELY, INVIGORATING, TRANSCENDENT POST I WONDER?!? Hmmmmmmm. *rubs chin* I guess we'll never know….
http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com!
#Plug
LMAO!!
#Win
On so many levels! WIN!
so if your not compatible with SBW what does that say about you? Who were you raised by?
Well, what does that say about me.. it says i'm not compatible with them. End of story. Who was I raised by, strong black women. I'm not in the business of dating the women who raised me though. While I find them to be perfect in many ways, i'm not dating my mother, aunts or grandmother.
Clearly someone ran out of material!
i've had a woman ask (more like demand) that i move into her home when my lease was up one year and i was looking for a place to stay. her logic was we were always over each other's house anyway and we could save money. umm no. first off i will never in my life move into a woman's home. even after marriage. we will buy our own home, together.
plus what happens when you break up? or after that first big argument and she tells you get out her house? she'll say she just said in anger but i'm a firm believer of not being able to take back what you said.
If you stay there too long you end up being a common law husband. LOL Maybe that's the plan.
Wants me to move into her Single Family House:
What's wrong with that? My homie married this girl and she already had a house. He liked the house and didn't want to move. And guess what… They added his name to the mortgage documents. You can add additional "owners" at any time. Also, aside from that, unless there was a prenuptial agreement to exclude certain things, ALL assets are shared in the case of divorce. This includes houses, cars, AND businesses.
The only reason I wouldn't
currently notmove in with the lady is because I'm not ready to share my personal space… with her.Won’t give me head on her knees
I noticed that the women that are always so vocal about not giving head, at all or on their knees, are either lying for appearances or SINGLE and mad (like on days like today). Yeah… You probably sucked, but in the wrong manner… Happy V-day.
States her Independence every other day
Any person that has to throw their accomplishments in your face usually have very little to offer. They're trying to convince themselves they're awesome. Yeah you're ahead of the curve if you're 25 with a house. But if you're behind the curve when it comes to dealing with relationships, you still suck… Just like the women who don't give head on their knees (or at all). lol
Wants me to move into her Single Family House:
What’s wrong with that? My homie married this girl and she already had a house. He liked the house and didn’t want to move. And guess what… They added his name to the mortgage documents. You can add additional “owners” at any time. Also, aside from that, unless there was a prenuptial agreement to exclude certain things, ALL assets are shared in the case of divorce. This includes houses, cars, AND businesses.
You see I have a problem with this..^^^^^^
OF COURSE ole boy didn't have a problem moving in to an already established house, (no money out of his pockets) now God forbid this marriage doesn't last, do you think your boy will be like "You know what since I didn't put anything monetarily to obtain this house I will take my name off the deed and bounce"???? Highly unlikely. He'll want 1/2!!!!!
OF COURSE ole boy didn’t have a problem moving in to an already established house
No, not of course. That's one of the highlighted points of today's post.
So what? That's a part of being married. Also, wouldn't both people be paying on the mortgage? He would've contributed to the equity. It's not like he's a house husband.
Just sounds like you're just not keen on the idea of sharing something you've worked hard to obtain. Husbands do it all the time though, with their pay checks.
"Husbands do it all the time though, with their pay checks."
Agreed!
But so do wives…..
@ GirlSixx
"do you think your boy will be like “You know what since I didn’t put anything monetarily to obtain this house I will take my name off the deed and bounce”???? Highly unlikely. He’ll want 1/2!!!!!"
Umm…but it is cool for the girl to expect half if the roles were reversed, I assume b/c the guy must be a jerk if he tries to use the same logic that you are expressing…hypocritical much
"Umm…but it is cool for the girl to expect half if the roles were reversed, I assume b/c the guy must be a jerk if he tries to use the same logic that you are expressing…hypocritical much"
First of all, let's be real here.
In this day and age how many couples you know are buying houses where only 1 party is coming up with all the downpayment? I don't know of any, each party is putting in a share, now I'm not saying it's exactly 50/50 but there is monetary contribution from both sides therefore if couple should break up it's fair for each to expect a share in the split of the assets. #thatisall
So glad I recently found a woman who doesn't exemplify this behavior. The fact that I don't have to "hear her roar" is very comforting and peaceful.
Preach
This was hilarious i actually love the act of giving head on my knees it's something kinky about it and it adds spice to the relationship. As far as the moving into a womans home I would like to know why you are against that? Is it because she could potentially throw the fact that it is "her" house in your face instead of viewing the home as an entity that is a part of the partnership. Another question, if a woman wants to also maintain some of her "hood" qualities is that just as unacceptable as if her male counterpart was to do it?
Another question, if a woman wants to also maintain some of her “hood” qualities is that just as unacceptable as if her male counterpart was to do it?
What does that mean? What are "hood qualities"? A look? A way of speaking? A demeanor? If it's really YOU, who cares? Then in that case, you would've have called it anything other than being yourself.
Other than being purposely ignorant, I'm sure there's a wide open field of things to do and still call oneself "hood."
hilarity.
This sounds like something my 12 year old bro would cook up.
Taking my leave in 5…4..3…2…..
"Exactly. How is it demeaning if you two are feeling each other? It’s only demeaning if he isn’t feeling you and only using you for head. When it comes to s.ex, for me, pride should be left at the door. Pleasure is the only feeling I’m going for. I could care less what compromising position I’m in. I’m not thinking about dignity in that case." This. If you doing it right, decorum and dignity should be to scared to pull the blinds aside.
"Moving into her place
I didn't see the harm in this. Now I do. First off , it made sense because we were serious and she had a kid and her moving in with me would have meant taking the kid out of school etc. Second, I was happy to put rental sign up. Problem was, we'd have an argument and I'd feel like everything was on the line. She felt that I was in her "space"; that became a feature of the breakdown discussions. It wasn't look before the u haul truck made an appearance. Sadly, my lesson is no mommies – we making our own , you hear.And either we buy a new place or you move in with me. It's an easy one to fall into, it's my house you gotta respect my rules. I ain't got no rules we're supposed to be sharing our lives.
I cannot even begin to fathom why I'd want to be with a woman who wanted to change my style. Given that that's one of the reasons why she was checking me out in the first place. Side note on the culture wars: ahem a baggy tracksuit is not a suit. Unless you're an athlete and you are training on track, after a certain age you really shouldn't be wearing trainers or sneakers unless you are in the gym or going to the gym. if you're all casual and that's your thing, fair dues. I know it sounds harsh but it's a style thing and this thing ain't always pretty.
i think im boring.ive neva had to give head on my kneees, im always on the bed so i give it on my "tummy".
I have a feelin that of you were to date a woman of another ethnicity you would get the same thing. *shrugs*
Why not throw out all these expectations and just be together! why do there have to be so many damn rules? just be together and black people gotta stop making rules and just let love happen!