Single men have never been civilization’s most responsible actors; they continue to be more troubled and less successful than men who deliberately choose to become husbands and fathers. –Kay S. Hymowitz in WSJ

So I write for a troubled website? Rush to fatherhood is more responsible than taking my time and getting my life in order? So I haven’t been fairly successful to date because I’m not out trying to club my Wilma and drag her back to my Harlem 3rd floor palace? Are you out of your f*cking mind? Why yes, I think you are.

My face before riotous laughter ensued.

These are just a few of the questions and comments I had after reading the excerpt above from a WSJ article titled “Where Have the Good Men Gone?” by Kay S. Hymowitz. You can only imagine how many other thoughts and outbursts I had from reading the unintentionally hilarious article. I started off sitting on my couch then ended up on the floor between my coffee table and said couch frozen in crunch position with shoulders bouncing in laughter. The only things good about this article other than the ab workout were that it wasn’t written by a Black women and that the author looks about as delusional as what was penned. Not trying to be tacky. Look up a picture and you’ll see what I mean. Anyways…

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I struggled a bit in figuring out how I wanted to tackle this post. There was so much wrong with the opinions expressed in this article that I wonder how it even made its way onto the WSJ website in the first place? Rather than elaborate on why I’m glad the author isn’t friends with any of the women I take a liking to, I’ll try to summarize and share my 2 cents without giving you a really long one. Pause.

Hymowitz is basically arguing that there’s a shortage of g00d men in their 20s because many of us are stuck between adolescence and adulthood in a place called Pre-Adulthood. From what’s described, this is a place characterized by irresponsible responsibleness and the ability to write our own tickets which in turn somehow retards us in our pursuit of forced marital happiness. This snippet sorta sums it up:

Unlike adolescents, however, pre-adults don’t know what is supposed to come next. For them, marriage and parenthood come in many forms, or can be skipped altogether. In 1970, just 16% of Americans ages 25 to 29 had never been married; today that’s true of an astonishing 55% of the age group. In the U.S., the mean age at first marriage has been climbing toward 30 (a point past which it has already gone in much of Europe). It is no wonder that so many young Americans suffer through a “quarter-life crisis,” a period of depression and worry over their future.

Right. Because relationships and/or marriage solves everything and puts the mind and heart at ease. Guess that means the divorce rate is acceptable since it means people are at least trying right? My head is shaking like a polaroid picture.

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I can’t help but think that the people that subscribe to beliefs like this deserve a stretch of unhappiness somewhere along the way. This emphasis on hopping into a relationship because it’s the right thing to do despite the fact it isn’t the right thing to do is part of the reason that the “how to find love” articles and blog posts tend to be so popular. As I was reading, I also found myself thinking about how many times I’ve seen or heard women complain about a man saying “I’m too busy with my career” or “I’m pursuing my dreams” as a way to avoid commitment and the accompanying responsibility. Sometimes it’s accurate and for the better.

I’m doing well in my day gig as a professional cookie baker aka HRman. I’m also tied up in an assortment of other ventures and opportunities that have me aggressively using google calendar like I’ve never used it before. These things take an enormous amount of time, which in turn affects my ability to commit to someone at the level they deserve. But according to this article, I haven’t reached adulthood because I haven’t accomplished what I deem necessary for my own success yet and still like to have fun on the weekends? Pound sand. Seriously.

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A good man realizes when he’s not able to meet obligations and communicates this upfront. He doesn’t take a shotgun wedding approach to everything because he knows that won’t bring him the happiness he wants. A good man doesn’t live on someone else’s schedule. He lives on the one that’s put him in the best position to be successful in all aspects of his life including love.

But what do I know? I’m not grown yet. I guess I’ll wait for this growth spurt, holler at the Clearasil, and make plans for a wife before I’m even financially stable. Yeah, that’ll solve everything. In the mean time, I’m moving back into mama’s basement.

Still Shaking My Head,