This week, we have a classic case of baby mama drama, but not the type you may be used to… Check it out!

The Email

The relationship I have with my boyfriend is nothing short of amazing. We’re best friends, lovers, all that good sh__. We’ve been dating for two years now. He just comes with…additives. Unfortunately the unwanted aftertaste may spoil the entire cake.

My boyfriend and I randomly met on our college campus through one of his fraternity brothers. I’d just recently gotten out of a nasty break up and he himself had just had a child so we both knew we were emotionally unavailable. What started off as funbestfriendsexwhenwefeellikeitbutreturntobestfriend thing, turned into a beautiful relationship that neither of us wanted nor expected, but we couldn’t deny. We spend every available second together…and it’s freaking awesome! I’ve never been in love quite like this, and we are both making plans integrating each other in our lives post-graduation in April (sidenote, bragging, *raises the roof*)

Now that I’ve set the scene…for the bullsht… He has a wonderful toddler whom I adore but he comes in a neat little package with a woman who conspicuously DESPISES me. She goes out of her way to make it known that she hates me and would rather die than see our relationship flourish. I’m not exaggerating when I say this woman calls me private daily, stalks me…she’s even went into my car…destroyed shoes that were in it…and put them back. Of course I have no  “proof” that she’s the culprit of the egregious acts thrown my way on an awesomely regular basis.

My issue is that when I bring these things to his attention…he does nothing. He acknowledges the fact that his son’s mother goes out of her way to make his life miserable, and he feels that that’s his punishment for being irresponsible and not wrapping it up. However, he doesn’t feel that he can prove beyond reasonable doubt that it’s her that’s doing these horrible things to me. This has been happening for almost a year now. I’m under the impression she felt that I was just a fling, and now that she sees it’s more, she’s on some guerilla warfare type ish. In the end, I’m trying not to feed into the negativity but it’s tearing away at the great relationship we’ve built. I’m not sure that I can turn the other cheek forever, or even for another two years. I’ve tried confronting her myself, but it always ends up in a nasty and unnerving argument. I’m not familiar with the whole baby mama/baby daddy drama, and I don’t know what to do. Should I cut my losses before we take a further step into our relationship or stay with it in hopes she will get sick of being evil to me? I need some serious help with this decision! – Cee R.

The Response

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Here’s the thing: Anytime you decide to enter a relationship with someone who has a child, there is a possibility that baby mama/daddy drama can ensue. You have to keep that in the back of your head. Now, reading your email, you say that his baby mama is making your life miserable, yet you have no proof. This is bad, only because if you have no proof, only suspicions, then it makes you look crazy/deranged/pressed/paranoid, and you NEVER want to look like that!

Short of recommending that you install closed circuit TV in your car and house, and a tap on your cell phone line, I don’t know how you can prove it’s her. Now, the bigger issue is that your man doesn’t seemed concerned when you bring it up. That “he feels that that’s his punishment for being irresponsible and not wrapping it up.” line is nothing more than a cop-out. He worries me because he seems shook of his baby mama, or he’s not assertive at all. Having a child and a relationship is complicated and simple at the same time. You don’t want to compromise the relationship between parents, but there comes a time when you have to stand up and demand respect from your baby mother. Respect for the future relationships you’ll enter and respect for your privacy. Clearly she feels like she can say or do whatever. She has his heart the way you describe it, and that does not bode well for you.
You also have to keep in mind the child. It’s not like you can demand he banish the child’s mother from his life. They are linked for LIFE! This is something you also have to consider, especially since she is active in the child’s life.

I think you need to have THAT talk with him. You need to let him know that you feel like she’s disrespecting the relationship and he NEEDS to do something! If he’s unwilling to demand respect for you, then you should bounce! No drama in this world is worth being stalked, property damage, or the extra stress. Maybe he doesn’t know how to operate in the baby mother / kid / having other relationships universe, and that’s dangerous. This isn’t a choice between you and his kid. He knows the type of woman she is, and should know how to handle it. Move on if he can’t alleviate the situation. I’ve seen Snapped and The First 48. Trust me it’s NEVER that SERIOUS!

Hope this helps!

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OK Readers I need your help. Have you dealt with this situation? What would you do? Who’s in the wrong? Is she paranoid? How do you rate my advice? These situations are real, so let’s try to pontificate in peace!

Save the drama for Obama yo Mama!


 

If you want your questions answered, holla at our Single Black Mail Page! Names are always withheld to protect the innocent, and we’re happy to help!