"Did you notice that your girlfriend is a bird?"

Bird (noun):
–             a person, especially one having some peculiarity
–             a girl or young woman
–             synonym: ratchet

This has nothing to do with this, but only because this was so funny, here are the idioms:
–             a little bird, a secret source of information
–             bird in the hand, a thing possessed in fact as opposed to a thing about which one speculates
–             birds of a feather, people with interests, opinions, or backgrounds in common
–             eat like a bird, to eat sparingly
–             for the birds, useless or worthless; not to be taken seriously
–             kill two birds with one stone, to achieve two aims with a single effort
–             the birds and the bees, basic information about sex and reproduction

I found myself in a conversation about people like Amber Rose and the fact that she does not know she is a bird.  Real talk, I don’t think she does, but that’s okay because most men will never tell a bird who does not know she is a bird that she is in fact a bird, if they want to beat.  And I guess, this is one of those things where I am like most men.  Actually the conversation was about men who say things like, “I wouldn’t wife down Rosa Acosta”, urban models, never getting married, treating your girlfriend like an NBA contract, Joe Budden and wifey material vs. birds.  Leading me to this quote:

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“There’s two types of birds; inexcusable and explainable.”

In case you’re wondering what exactly a bird is, it’s essentially the antonym of wifey material. And here’s the determining factor; there is a chick who is pretty and is totally wifey material, but she makes you do stuff.  Birds don’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.  Men always prefer the path of least resistance.  That’s the difference!  The whole thing is about how much effort you’re willing to put into it.  Do I want to take you on a date?  Or am I going to go with the young jawn that lets me text at 3AM?  Funny thing about 3AM texts is that you can do that with wifey, but she will say no and then the next day she’ll say, “Did you really try and send me a booty call?” [Yet another question that she really doesn’t want to know the answer to.]

So why were we breaking down the birds huh…?  Well, because Amber Rose is a bird, but nobody would be mad at you for wifing that down.

Let’s look at the Two Types of Birds:

Inexcusable

Every campus has a girl with the nickname, Superhead and every city has a chick that just about everybody has ran through.  Those women who have legendary trizzes on their resume, or those chicks who no woman on the block respects and every dude has a story with are inexcusable.  You just can’t be sitting there one day and say, “Yeah, so me and Biscuit been chilling hard, I’m thinking about settling down.” Once Biscuit has the holy trinity of a CARFAX it’s inexcusable.

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The Holy Trinity of CARFAX reports is when people lie on you about your hoe activity and it’s believable, when people tell the truth about your hoe activity and it’s believable, and when people find out that even what’s on the low is still hoe activity and it’s believable.

If there’s almost an immediate #DrJBlankStare, you can’t do it.  Now this is not to say the girl is a bad person, it just means it won’t work.  Don’t come up in the crib talking about, “But Jay, tell me, how do you know for a fact all that went down?”

o_O

Explainable

There are plenty of men who will date birds, as long as they can explain why they’re with them.  I have been saying for weeks now, how did Wiz Khalifa find out about Amber Rose?  The only relevance she has ever had was being Kanye’s girlfriend … and then she was making out with just about every chick in the club she could find.  So how does Wiz Khalifa propose to her?  Because he can explain it.  He can explain to the hood that: Amber is beautiful and has a banging body and although Amber has a reputation for being a bird, there’s not a lot of proof to it.  Real talk, you only know one dude that she’s been with.  This of course is contingent on her keeping her mouth shut.

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Today, I’m admitting to you that men date birds, and I’m telling you why.  It doesn’t make an ounce of sense, it just ends up happening all the time.  We understand that all birds are not the same feather.  You have vultures who constantly take from you, and you have doves who always want to give.  The inexcusable bird will never see the light of day in her situations, she’ll never get married.  (Unless, she moves across the country, meets somebody who is not in her network, doesn’t even understand the dynamics of her network, or is a straight loser and falls so in love with her tutelage that he just never seeks the truth.)  The explainable bird will be the one who proves this statement;

“They say you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, well I know plenty of married hoes.” – @DrJayJack

My question is: What exactly is a bird to you?

 

 

 

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