Why did he suddenly stop calling?

I’m all for freedom of expression and living your life (no Rihanna), but sometimes people take it too far and don’t even know it. As someone that writes publicly and shares personal details of my slightly above mundane existence, it’s a fine line to walk between keeping it honest and relatable, and turning my life into a sh*t show. As most of you know, I’m on Twitter. I say a lot of foolishness (ranting about getting a ticket for public urination), silliness (claiming that it’s as hot outside as donkey nuts), and thought-provoking or empowering stuff (things that aren’t funny). It’s no different than how I am when I’m not at a keyboard. The biggest difference between the e-me and real me is that the real me smells better. The real me also knows how to stay out of trouble online.

A few of my lady friends — not to be confused with women that I’m pretzeling or pumping with my full tank that is soon to be emptied — tell me about the men in their lives and wonder why they can’t get them to commit or consider going beyond hugs, kisses, and post-sex silence. Kegel-certified cooch will impress a man, but it won’t keep one. Random, but I had to say it. Anyway, they’re also on Twitter along with a lot of people that I don’t know in real life but choose to follow for whatever reason. And honestly, though I’m never not, it pains me to see how many women are bodying themselves and destroying their potential relationships with men because they’re going too hard and too raw in their tweets. Take that however you’d like.

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Most men aren’t completely adverse to relationships. They just need to see that pulling themselves off the market and passing up on free bunz is worth it. We’re pettier than we’d like to admit and we have feelings that we choose not to share for a multitude of reasons. And though we may not be saying anything, we’re watching what you do and what you say in hopes of finding a reason to keep you where you are, which is in the category of rightlessness. This basically means we’re not together and you have no right to tell us what to do or require anymore more than safe practices. It’s a cold but surprisingly warm place. And yes, we may not be thinking too much while you’re riding us off to Planet Nut. But once we’ve returned to Planet Rational-Reality, the evaluation and analysis continues. The title of this post says it, but let me say this again because it affects my soul and cell phone minutes:

Stop bodying yourself on Twitter!

If you’re trying to get a man to commit, do you think he wants to read about the men you’ve been on dates with, the density of your space, or see you drunk tweeting about why n*ggas or the guy you just got off the phone with ain’t sh*t? Do you think he wants see you playing along with the #mybestsexwaswhen hashtag? Do you think that he wants a ratchet? I don’t want a ratchet and I have no interest in training one. Your degree(s) won’t keep him satisfied, but your ability to keep your business your business will. It’s pretty simple. What’s so hard to understand?

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Yeah, men say a lot of dumb stuff online. Some of us participate in Titty Tuesday and Ass for Days Thursday and get away with it. There’s a double standard around decorum. I get it. But let’s be real, it’s not going anywhere fast. It’s as close to being forgotten as something that ended in the 1800s.

So no, you don’t need to deal with so many assholes that you’re a board-approved rectumologist to finally qualify for a good man. Just stop doing dumb sh*t. You can have your freedom, be expressive, and enjoy social media without creating missed connections that end up on Craigslist.

Men care about appearance. And regardless of confidence level, we care about what people think when it comes to the women in our lives. I had a friend that dated the uncouth. We stopped hanging out with him. He left the uncouth. Now we hang out again. It’s really simple stuff. I’m telling you.

This is my PSA for the week and month, but most certainly not the year. Stop it with the “I’m doing what I want.” Because sometimes doing what you want doesn’t get you what you need.

Checking Handles Before I Check For The Handles,

P.S. I just launched my 1st personal blog in 3 years at http://www.therealslimjackson.com. Please drop by and check it out, add it to your feed reader, and all that good stuff.

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P.S.S. This is the last week to nominate SBM for the Black Weblog Awards. Please take a moment to do so if you haven’t already. Best Group, Best Sex and Relationship, Best Lifestyle, and Best Blog Post Series (Use this url for series), and Blog of the Year are best bets. Thanks!