My boy hit me up last week, excited that he spent the day chilling with two 20 year old girls who blew his mind. “Yo, they were mad fun, and it was just so easy to talk to them, they weren’t on some fake LA ish”. I asked if he got her number, he replied, “Man, I got both of their numbers… I think I could smash both of them”. I laughed, here’s a dude that’s struck out in the mecca of easy to lay actress/models/singers and he thinks he’s found his pimp because he drove a few college chicks around the city. He was kind of upset that I called him out, but a 28 year old dude should not just be discovering baby b**ches.

YOUNGER IS NOT DUMBER: I’ve had relations with a lot of younger chicks; it had nothing to do with taking an advantage of a younger mind. I was messing around with a 25 year old chick at the same time I was seeing a 19 year old and the 19 year old was far more capable of holding a conversation or arguing a point than this older chick that was raising a child. And that’s not an exception to the rule, girls in their late teens early twenties who are immersed in college life, tend to be thinkers.

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COMIC BOOK BODY: When I was growing up you knew who was grown by how she was filled out, but in the past ten years it’s been hard to tell how old a girl is because they’re developing D cups and Minaj booties before their old enough to drink. I’m sure there is a judge out there who has tossed more than a few statutory rape cases out because these girls “don’t look 19 b” *Ma$e voice. And when it comes to the face, I’d rather have a chick going through a slight acne breakout than these ratchets hiding in the shadows of the club with caked on makeup and get mad when the bartender doesn’t card them.

TROPHY: One of my ex-girlfriends saw me driving with my Blasian Baby B**tch and actually followed me to my mother’s house to spy. Please believe I got a call the next day. She really tried to play me like I was picking up girls in front of high schools, and said that all I wanted to do is smash. Of course! I’m a man; my goal is to have sex with the best looking girl I can find.  “That’s not a woman, that’s a little girl, what more can you get from her?” She didn’t want to protect this 18 year old girl from being dogged out, she was jealous. I should have said, “Well she got accepted to the university of Maryland, is built like Rogue, and has long hair, where as you dropped out of school to work at the mall, have five years tops before your breast begin to sag, and spend all of your disposable income on hair weave”…but I was afraid of her so I just hung up.

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WHY SO SERIOUS:  My homie who is now open off these 90’s babies sent me a text to rub it in, “sour apple bitter b**tches I’m not F’ing with them”. Since he moved to LA he’s been dating girls who have been broken by love or broken by their failed careers and now he gets to talk on the phone with girls who aren’t worried about mortgage or marriage and he’s doing the dance of joy. Girls just want to have fun until they hit 26 and don’t have a ring on their finger, but Men just want to have fun until they put us in the grave.

A dead woman once said “Age ain’t nothing but a number”, and if a girl looks good a guy will holla regardless if she’s 32 or 22. But I endorse going younger whenever possible. I met my fiancé when she was 19 and to this day she still asks “how old did you think I really was” and I say, “It didn’t matter if you were 17 I was going to get you”.