Small image. Big deal.

Her: I’m looking forward to having a family. I wanna have 3 kids. Not looking forward to the labor pains
Me: Eh, I think my limit is 2. Since you’re about 5’9, athletic, and have good hair and I’m a strong 6’1 with slightly above average athleticism, I’d say they’d have a pretty good chance of gettin’ some scholarship money for college. Well, that’s if we got married and I unleashed my seed upon thee.
Her: You’re so gross. Boys or girls?
Me: I want me some sons.
Her: Well, if I have a daughter she’s going to Spelman.
Me: *Puts down bottle of Colt 45* That’s not your place to determine.
Her: Why not? I went there and my mom went there. It’s tradition!
Me: Tradition is for the Amish. Besides, it’s the man’s place to determine where the kid goes to school.
**Unnamed girl hits Slim with a pillow**

Aight, so it’s not the man’s place to determine where their kid(s) goes to school. Actually, I don’t think it’s either parent’s place to determine specifically where their child goes to have the best 4 years of their life. Neither of my parents graduated from college, so I didn’t face any pressure when it came time to make The Decision to take my academic talents somewhere.

If I went to Colgate, great. If I went to Columbia, great. If I went to RPI, I would’ve failed out but still great. If I went to Hudson Valley Community College, they would’ve beat my ass like I was 6 years old. So what did I do? I applied early decision to Cornell, got in, and called it a day. I just wanted to go somewhere that I’d be able to run track, get home quickly in case there was an emergency, avoid heavy loans, and not have to do an internship at McDonald’s on Wolf Road in Albany, NY. My parents just wanted me to go somewhere they’d be proud of and somewhere that would put me in the best position to be successful. They didn’t consider me going to college an accomplishment. They considered me going to a good college as the deer’s head on their mantle. So you’d think I’d do the same for my kids right? Wrong. Well, not completely wrong but wrong nonetheless.

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The higher my kid’s grades are, the smaller the list of schools he or she will be choosing from. So basically, if mommy went to an HBCU with rich tradition and Slimsha wants to follow suit, daddy’s little girl is gonna have to do some serious convincing unless whatever school she wants to go to climbs in the rankings. Her best bet will be to start applying for scholarships as soon as they cut the umbilical cord. If the E*Trade baby can do research on a smartphone, so can she.

It may sound f*cked up on the surface, but think about it. If Slim Jr. or Slimsha is at the top of his or her esteemed high school class during their senior year, then why not go to one of the top universities in the country and maximize potential opportunities? It’s a no brainer. And no, I’m not expecting my kids to go to CU or an Ivy, but they most definitely will be choosing from the top 50, 40, or 30 according to U.S. News or whatever the official source is in 24+ years (assuming stray seed doesn’t expedite fatherhood), unless they wanna go into a renowned program at a school that’s not in that list, their grades indicate otherwise, or they’re looking like a rock star.

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What about their happiness?

Telling my son or daughter that they have to go to a specific school has the potential to mitigate their happiness. Telling my son or daughter that they have 50, 40, or 30 schools to pick from gives them the opportunity to find all the happiness they need somewhere warm, urban, or other.

What if they want the HBCU experience?

They can go to UNC, Emory, Texas, Georgia Tech, or whatever other school makes the cut at the time. There’ll be plenty of blackness to go around and the immersion they seek won’t be too far away.

I’m flexible on a lot of things (pause), but this is one of those topics where it’ll be OD difficult for her — daughter or wife —  to change my mind. How about you? Will you let your son or daughter choose whatever school they want? Why or why not? If yes, where do you plan to send them? Could a conversation like this be a deal-breaker for a potential significant other? Anything else, as usual, is fair game for discussion.

Hey Slimsha, you got some mail from Fungwah State. I already shredded it though,


P.S. There will be a follow-up post regarding this discussion at on Tuesday. Drop in and check it out.

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