An uplifting pic that the Nubian Queens of SBM will like.

Can a man really win in court when it comes to custody of his child or payment terms for child support?

This was one of the many questions I found myself asking as I live-tweeted Together Apart’s most recent event, titled Know Good Dads: Daddy’s Little Girls, Child Support, and Baby Mama Drama. And yes, it was as interesting as it sounds. The panel discussion explored questions such as “How does your relationship with your father affect your romantic relationships?” and “How does a father co-parent with a difficult woman?” We even had an extensive dialogue about the ins and outs of the court system, where I learned a lot of sh*t that would be helpful if I ended up with a child and an aggressive baby mama whose head does 360s. As much as I enjoy going medium rare in the sheets, this conversation made me wanna double-bag my grocery until marriage. Seriously, I wanna f*ck through a bubble with a place for my piece.

Anyways, one of the struggles I always have with reviewing these Together Apart events is that there are so many good quotes from the panelists, live audience, and Twitter that I can’t expound much on any particular idea without leaving out a lot of great content. So what I’m gonna do today is list a few quotes, questions, and thoughts from the event, drop my 2 cents, then look to the readers for additional feedback. So basically, I’ma do the same shit I did last time. Hope you enjoy. Oh yeah, if you’re just reading via RSS or email…come to the site. It feels better. Sorta like going medium rare. No pause.

“The black family didn’t really have problems until the feminist movement.” – @iamlabasha from Twitter

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I’m not touching this sh*t with a 10-foot pole in this post, but I found it to be really thought-provoking. Just to provide context, this came up during the discussion on fatherless and motherless homes, and men/women having children with multiple people. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

If you go to court saying you haven’t paid because you haven’t seen your kid, you will lose. That’s a different case. – A paraphrase of a comment made by panelist Alicia M. Crowe, ESQ. She dropped knowledge that would save a lot of brothers some money.

Not that I’d be a deadbeat dad, but I didn’t know this. Child custody and child support are completely differently cases that typically aren’t intertwined during court proceedings. So fellas, if you get/got served with a summons for child support and show up and say this, consider yourself bodied. *Insert legal disclaimer that my lawyer friends put at the bottom of an email whenever I ask them for advice.*

Men who go to court for a child will pay for the sins of legitimate deadbeat dads because of what the court is used to. – A paraphrase of a comment made by panelist Alicia M. Crowe, ESQ. *Insert legal disclaimer that my lawyer friends put at the bottom of an email whenever I ask them for advice.*

This doesn’t just apply to issues involving children. This applies to men going to court for anything that involves a woman. I know a guy who once went to court every month for 6-8 months because of a vindictive ex. All she did was file charges and tell the prosecutor and advocate what she wanted to happen while the guy went through hell. She only had to show up once at the end. And when she did, the case got thrown out. Sometimes the system fails before it succeeds. Regardless, sh*t is rough for dudes. Pause.

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Fathers dealing with difficult women need to be self-aware and have situational awareness. – Paraphrase of comment made by @ShawnaMarieTV

The same applies to women. Self-awareness is sexy. That’s one of my new mottos and has moved up my list of things I look for in women. If people took a second to look at how their actions might impact another person or a situation, a lot of drama would be avoided. And when it comes to children, drama can be very, very costly. Then again, some people are completely aware but act f*cking clueless then surprised when they realize that poking the bear comes with consequences.

“What you vibrate out from yourself is what you attract. You need to work on who you are to get what you want.” – From audience

I almost knocked over the table I was tweeting from when this comment was made. I thought of all the women that I’ve heard complain about attracting lame dudes and being tired of dealing with ninjas that suck in every aspect of life except the bedroom. No, I’m not saying this is why women are single. I’m just saying this is why some people aren’t as happy as they could be. Make sure you’re surrounded by good people and take it from there. If that doesn’t work, throw some pixie dust into that vortex of negative energy and see what happens.

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A good question to ask someone early on is “tell me about your relationship with your dad?” – @ShawnaMarieTV

I’m pretty sure how long it takes the person to start answering this will tell you where it’s about to go and if you should be concerned. Of course just like any interview, if they flip a negative into a positive they can come out victorious. When do you think this is a fair question to ask?

Should a man avoid new relationships until he gets his custody/relationship issues sorted out? – @TennileC from Twitter

This was another good question that didn’t get much burn due to time constraints and the flow of conversation, but I wanted to bring it to the SBM fam. I never been in this situation. But from what I know, this stuff can go on for months or years. Should a person really hold out on dating until it’s completely resolved? I’d like to get your feedback on this as well as the other points mentioned in the post today. If you were at the event, drop some of your favorite points from the event in the comments. Let’s make it a good one!

Reviewing & Sh*t,

P.S. This is the last week to vote for SBM in the Black Weblog Awards. We made it in 5 categories and need your support! Best Post Series, Best Group, Best Sex & Relationship, Best Design, and Blog of the Year. You can vote here.