Get ALL your results.

A lot of chicks ask me where the good men looking for good women are. Even as a member of the League of Extraordinary Negroes (Someone out there is salty about the use of the word “negro” while someone else is saying “Slim ain’t ish”), I can’t provide ALL the answers. But I can provide a few. And 2 of the places I enthusiastically suggest people go if they’d like to meet folks of similar interests are panel discussions and forums. You’ll find a bunch of people that are passionate about the topic or focus of the event. You’ll find that they typically have their lives together and are active on some level in their communities. They probably have good credit scores. If they don’t, then more than likely they’re working to make them better. Actually, they just wanna be better in general.

This past weekend I had the chance to live-tweet the Straight Talk, No Chaser panel discussion put on by Together Apart. There were literally 100 women in that room and 7 dudes on the panel…then the host, a couple male staff, and me on the keyboard going hard in the tweets. Every woman I spoke to after the event was about something. Every (literally) single dude in that room was about something. Of course the ratios were all messed up, but that’s no surprise. Keep hope alive. More on this event in a future post.

A few weeks prior, I had the chance to attend Human Intonation’s Protection Is The New Black. Sir Streetz was on the panel speaking truths and ish. If you’ve been around SBM for a while, you’ve seen me discuss the events and know that the organization is big on promoting HIV Awareness and dialogue between the sexes on the issues of condom usage and sexual health. If you didn’t know, now you know *n-word redacted for warm and fuzzy purposes*. And like every other event put on by Human Intonation, I walked away with some thoughts and perspectives that I wanted to bring on over to SBM nation.

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Movies are more responsible for lack of condom usage than rap music. 

Women love movies that depict love, men speaking poetically about why the chick is special, candles, R&B, and sex. You ever notice the steamy scenes in movies never involve condoms? It usually goes a little something like this:

  • Man and woman look each other in the eyes.
  • Man passionately kisses chick and lifts her in the air and lays her on bed or puts her on countertop.
  • Man takes off shirt and happens to be more physically fit than 80% of dudes out there.
  • Man takes off woman’s clothes.
  • Man submerges self in her warm abyss.
  • Woman is shown riding piece or dude is on top slow-stroking for glory.
  • Man and woman are shown in bed afterward or woman is making coffee wearing man’s shirt.

Where’s the safety in that?  If these movies gonna keep making these scenes, they need to start showing a condom wrapper or something. Because right now it seems like dude is just skeetin’ all up in there with no regard for future life or disease. Dreams should include protection even though mine don’t but this isn’t about me. At least rappers talk about Magnums. Speaking of which, have any of you tried the ice cream?

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Sexuality is glamorized for women. 

This comment came from the audience and kinda relates to the previous. What I’ve noticed over the last few years has been a big push to redefine female sexuality and where the control lies. “It’s your body, so do what you want without regrets” has led some folks off the deep end. With all the tv shows, blogs, and celebrities in the media for their sexcapades, it seems like the cost of doing it has been diminished in women’s minds. And since most folks aren’t thinking about HIV when they’re about to get thronxy, the cost of not using condoms has been decreased as long as she’s on birth control.


People are still scared to talk about HIV in general.

This came from one of the panelists. It’s also apparent in the audience that shows up. Most of the people that come through for these panels are relatively well-versed in the topic and confident in speaking about how it affects their decision-making and communication in relationships. It also takes a lot to fill the room. If I tell folks to come through for a panel on ways to make his or her toes do the roll-up, the room would be packed to capacity.

If I tell folks to come through for a panel on ways to discuss HIV testing and awareness with a partner, you get the usual suspects and a few empty seats with pamphlets on them. My thing is how do we get rid of this fear? How do we get the people that need to hear the info to these events without lying to them about the topic? I opened this post the way I did for a reason.

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People are scared to ask their partners about the last time they’ve been tested or getting tested in the current because they aren’t equipped to handle the pushback. Pause. 

This also came from the panel. Again, this is a reason folks need to make it out to these types of events.

A lot of times doctors won’t give results if HIV test is negative. We need to be asking for those results and the printouts. 

I got my papers. Do you have yours?

Knowing your status is winning. An HIV test is one you can’t fail. 

I didn’t make this up, but I thought it was a cool wrap-up to the post. Do you see what I did there?

As Verneda, founder of Human Intonation, asked during the event, at what point do people stop taking the chance and gambling with their lives?

I’m not sure that’s a question many of us can honestly answer. What about you? Any thoughts or ideas from the tidbits above? How do you think we can realistically move these conversations forward? Have you attended events similar to this in your area? Do they have them at all? Do share. It makes the world a better place.

I like it medium rare but only in my dreams,