We are not role models. Live y'all lives!


I understand that some women look at successful marriages and relationships as the beacon of hope for them. In this cold, single struggle of a universe, we can look towards Will and Jada for a sense of solidarity and love. Well, I’m here to say that relying solely on people like them for your inspiration is beyond irrational. Here are a few reasons:

1) You don’t KNOW them like that! You don’t wake up with them in the same bed every night (unless the Will and Jada swinger rumors are true), and you don’t walk every day in their shoes. You don’t know their daily relationship issues. Men and women always have that one thing that they can’t stand about another person in a relationship, yet they tolerate it out of love. What if one of them was fed up and left? What if they had issues that were insurmountable? What if there were previous relationship issues swept under the rug that were hidden that resurfaced at the wrong time? Well we wouldn’t know because…. WE DON’T KNOW THEM MAN!!!

2) Perception does not always = reality. I know in a past relationship everyone that “knew” us thought we were super tight and that nothing could break us up. Needless to say that union was divided eventually. People know how to keep a brave face despite issues, and always want the facade of success to permeate through their aura in order to deflect any inherent criticism from the masses. We eat that up because we see ourselves in them, and hope to be like them. yet we act like they don’t have the same type of problems “normal people do.”

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Life isn’t perfect. We all have issues. Putting blind faith in high profile relationships is a recipe for disaster. We don’t know the inner workings, their past, or their current difficulties. We need to remember that the quest to love is a marathon and not a sprint. A successful relationship takes more than blind faith, it takes work. Stop believing in Fairy Tales and hoop dreams and start believing in real life and real work. God forbid Barack cheats on Michelle, the Matrix will have to be reloaded!

Dr. J

You’re onto something Big Bro — for that is the inevitable question. What if Michelle and Barack didn’t make it?  What would it mean to Black America and what would it mean to Black love?  For Black people in America, Michelle and Barack represent everything that we strive to be.  But here’s what I ask: what is it about Michelle and Barack that represent Black America?  What is it about any of these people that ever adequately represents Black America?  Not every African-American will go to an Ivy League school. Not everyone will practice law. Not everyone will have the opportunity to be a community organizer and eventually get a six figure job.  Less than 0.001% of all Black men will ever have the opportunity to be President of the United States. And breaking that down further with a 12% chance that a powerful Black man marries outside of his race, it’s even less likely that there will ever be another Black First Lady of the United States.  So if Michelle and Barack didn’t make it, it would be another political couple that didn’t make it.  I’m not gon’ cry. It’s not the time cause they’re not worth my tears.

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When we cheer for celebrities like Will & Jada, Bobby & Whitney, Halle & Eric, or even when Kenny & Chante break up, we’re left feeling lost.  But when we look inside ourselves, what about us is anything like these people?  To be honest with you, I’m more interested in cheering for Mr. and Mrs. Most. Those are the people who resemble me.  I’d be devastated if I ever heard anything bad about their bond. But I’m sure I won’t because unlike the celebrities and the notables, they are people like me.  I’m not surprised and I don’t spend time thinking about those who I have nothing in common with because I’m not sure their lives are wrong, but I’m not sure they’re right either.

PS – I always thought something was up with Lena when Piccolo came to visit her and nobody believed for a second that he was really dating that girl.  I’m done.


I’m just happy to be here closing out this post. I feel like I’m on the Monster track with Kanye, Jay, and Nicki. Gossip gossip, everybody stop it. Everybody knows there’s a 50% divorce rate. What do y’all think about this Will and Jada fiasco? Gossip or not, the news of their possible breakup rattled a lot of people at a level that would have you thinkin’ these are personal family and friends. I’m all in favor of folks feeling how they feel, but sometimes it goes too far. Drop your thoughts in the comments. Let’s make this a good one!

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Hoping for successful marriage and dreams achieved,

Team SBM

Save the Date! Next Wednesday, August 31, 2011 – The SBM Fam will be hosting Happy Hour at The Empire Room at The Empire State Building from 6-10pm, please RSVP to rsvp@singleblackmale.org for further information and confirmation