Tis the season!

The pages on the calendar have turned once again to reveal the month of September. Summer is winding down, school is starting again, and vacations are ending. Days are shorter, nights are colder. Soon you will feel a primal urge for companionship engulf your natural senses. You will feel compelled to seek out new yams, and new civilizations. You may wake up, with a scruffy beard, hair ruffled, nails unmanicured, and wonder why you have lost temporary control over your faculties. The reason for all this hoopla can only mean one thing, and one thing only… Cuffing Season Back!!

Now, far be it from me to leave you out in the cold, without some proper guidelines to navigate through this tumultuous time.  I have fallen victim to the cuff at one point in time, like everyone else, and I have some tips that should help. Allow me to demonstrate to you how to navigate in areas which contain scavengers.

Make first contact before everyone else

Procrastination is the characteristic of an underachiever. If you want to properly cuff, you have to reach out to potential cuffees before anyone else. The early bird gets the worm, and if you want to avoid lonely nights with bon-bons and harry potter novels, you need to contact your cuff interests right out the gate. if you haven’t sent preliminary kick-off texts or emails, you are behind in the game. Get crackin!

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Eliminate potential dead end choices

The Struggle is Real

Some of you people hustle backwards. You will try to cuff those that already have a cuff buddy, or worse, you’ll try to cuff someone in a relationship. Stop thinking 90210 and Entourage are accurate representations of what YOU can accomplish! You have to look in the mirror and be real with yourself. Be real about the type of guy/gal you are, your cuffing potential and your personal cuff appeal. based on that, you should know who’s in your league, and who you should cuff from afar.

Utilize the ancient art of the mass text

Cuffing is a game of numbers. You need to maximize your return on investment. The  mass text message was the best thing to happen to cuffing  since the Blackplanet college chat room.  Think about it: You have the ability to contact multiple sources of your affection with one word – “Hey”. The word hey is a noun, adjective, and adverb! When used in mass text messaging, that one word speaks novels to a kindred cuffing soul. Anyone prime for the cuff will read that one word sentence, and in their minds it will read “Thinking of you, wanted to know what you were doing…miss u!”…and you’re in there SON!

Diversify your methods of cuff solicitation

No one wants to be a one trick pony. Texting solely can work in the short run, but if you’re trying to make an entire cuffing SEASON, you want to be different. You want to be dynamic. text messaging is cool, but pick up the phone and call. Let her hear the subtle desperation in your voice and you solicit her to be the plate on which her yams can rest comfortably. Ladies, hit him with the subtle direct message with something cute but seductive. Unlock the growing potential of Skype! Let them see you in your Sunday best or your #twitterafterdark attire, and put them on a glass! get focused or get left out in the cold!

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Show natural but rapid progression in cuff interaction

You don’t want to seem too pressed, but you don’t want to slack on your pimping either. You need to show interest, without looking like a camel in the Sahara fiending for an Oasis. You might meet up for some coffee, dinner, hit the movies, or make it a quiet night at home. Throughout all of this, know that you can’t go too hard, unless she like that (#doubleentendre). Slow and steady will win you a cuff buddy, but you can’t move in slow motion. Know when to press and when to take it easy.

If at first you don’t succeed…


Just like baby girl said above, you gotta keep ti moving. We got at least 4 solid cuff months on the horizon, and if the other party aint feeling you, it’s time to move to the next potential suitor. ALWAYS HAVE A BACKUP PLAN! Remember those mass text messages? Always keep those relationships at arms length. Never let them stray. Do just enough to create a sense of presence, while staying in striking distance.

Cuff for the championship, not the playoff game

You don’t want to lose your clientele. You want to have your cuffstomers return as satisfied patrons. How do you accomplish this? Simple. Cuff like $$ is on the line! Don’t cuff to win the battle, cuff to win the war! Some of you ladies and gents tread the line between simp and smitten, so why let whatever percentage of your dignity that you reserved for cuffing go to waste? You need to recite every word of this video before you attempt to cuff, and you will see nothing but results!

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That’s that. These high level guidelines will help you survive lonely nights without your two hands and vibrators to keep you company. You will be able to stare in the eyes of this cruel world, flip it the bird, and yell “I am somebody!!” Sharing is caring though, so drop some knowledge on how to best achieve your cuffing objection.

The Player President

StreetZ aka Cuff master Flex aka Cuff Bagwell aka Sean Cuffy Combs