Not. Cool!

Today’s Single Black Mail is short and sweet. A simple question that was sent to us that I wanted to answer. Here is the question from one of our great readers:

Have you guys talked about women with facial hair? Would you date a
woman with chin hair??

Sigh. How do men feel about women with facial hair? Well, as always, I cannot speak for the entire male population, but I can speak for myself. I am as passionate about this topic as SBM is about weaves and plane tickets. I abhor facial hair on women. It hurts my soul to see it, places a horror movie type of fear in my and breeds a level of disgust like no other. Pardon the hyperbole, but let me delve deeper into my consternation.

I love and I’m attracted to women. I am not attracted to men. I don’t think that’s a secret to anyone. When a women is rocking a mustache, that makes her look extremely masculine and it doesn’t appeal to me. Then you bring chin hair into the equation? Yo, if a mustache is a tropical storm, chin hair is a full out tsunami! There is no excuse for any women to come out the house with the Teddy Riley goatee and still think she can attract straight men. No sir, NOT ME!! Finally, if she has the temerity to rock a fu manchu, then you know other parts of her body look like Jumanji!

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It just doesn’t stop at facial hair. Proper grooming for women is essential. Fellas, check the scenario: you are with a woman and things are getting hot. You’re on first base attempting to stretch a single into a double. You get under the dress or take off her pants, caressing her legs, when you feel sharp prickly pain throughout your palms. You remove your hand only to be met with this:

She can S-Curl her leg hair. SMH

You’re super shocked and don’t know what to think but you’re a soldier, so you press on. You get the panties off, and immediately become afraid, because it seems the young lady at the center of your affection has been hiding a little person with an AFRO between her legs!! Ladies, this type of egregious behavior can scar a gentleman for life!

Now, before the women who read this blog turn my mentions into the Gaza Strip, let me also mention that growing up with sisters, female cousins, and my mom, I understand your struggles. I know that it seems like things pop off with men the day you least expect it, so you may get caught out there on an off shaving day or two. However, I will judge a woman who walks out the crib with BLATENT facial hair. I need to understand the method of thinking. I mean, I see it. They see it. I KNOW, YOU SEE IT!! Did you just say f*ck it I’m cute with this goatee I’m chillin? Do you think the hair doesn’t affect your physical aesthetics in any way? Do you actually…like the facial hair?! Please respond. The people need answers!

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I don’t want to kiss a woman and feel the scratching of a 5:00 shadow brush roughly against my cheek. I don’t want my woman to be stroking her mustache as she ponders world domination. That’s not my style, but maybe it works for others. If having facial hair works for women, then having detractors or men who oppose (maybe women too?) is par for the course.


Hoping I never see a woman tweet #BEARDSEASON