What’s more important to a long-lasting relationship: to marry someone that has it all together or has the potential? To explore the bedroom chemistry or to develop everything else and keep that on the backburner?

I read an interesting article on Muslim Village (I’m not Muslim) a while back. It was titled 10 Ways to Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person, The title speaks for itself, so you already know what it’s about. I bring it up here because it covers great points, some of which made me think. For today, I wanted to take two of them and bring them back a couple stages to dating in general. So I’ll share two excerpts from the authors’ article, and my take on each as it applies to dating.

Do Not Marry Potential:

Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

My Take

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When most folks start dating someone, they don’t jump to thoughts of marriage. Well, at least men don’t. We’re happy to be in the moment enjoying it for what it is. Over time we’ll start to have thoughts more often, but out the gate? Nah.

I believe that you can date potential. A significant other naturally earns your trust and confidence over time. Can you marry it too? That again depends on how confident you are in your boopiece. What if you meet someone that’s just coming back up from rock bottom? What if they just had an epiphany that motivated them to turn their life around? Do you walk away because they’re not completely where you want them to be in every aspect of their life? Personally, I admire  demonstrated effort in improving one’s state of affairs.

Personal development is a continuous process that occurs from leaving the womb to leaving the earth. There are always things people can adjust or improve on that they’re not exceeding in expectations today –whether it be their own or their significant other’s. Rather than dating or marrying potential, it’s about dating or marrying someone that demonstrates the ability to change as needs and obstacles manifest themselves.  It’s about malleability. Besides, it’s a beautiful feeling to grow with someone and see how they’ve progressed along their journey — spiritual or otherwise. They may benefit from having someone reaffirm their progress. Everybody needs a cheerleader.  Now on to the physical side…

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Avoid Pre-Marital Sexual/Physical Activity:

  • Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
  • Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside.

Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.

Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or sexual commitment.

My Take (Pause)

First things first, that boat probably sailed for you a long time ago. Second, as a fan erotic expenditures, I gotta throw up the thumbs down. I love the hokey pokey too much to turn it down all together. And honestly, I’ve never dated a woman where us handling the business turned out to be the end of the relationship. If anything, us handling the business early solidified that there’d never be a relationship. At that point, marriage isn’t even relevant.

When it comes to dating, I take gettingt to know the person, how they think and operate, and what the potential pros and cons of a future may be. I’m a smart dude that likes smart chicks. But, I don’t wanna be in a relationship with someone that I have no sexual chemistry with. Not at this stage in my life. Nope. Not this guy.

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Yes, I think chemistry — like character — can be developed. But how many episodes of Read Between the Panty Lines am I supposed to watch before I can say I don’t like the show? No matter what people say, sex is important. Bad pokey can spill into other parts of the relationship. This can magnify trust, confidence, and communication issues. It’s better to flush those things out early than to deal with them years in. You’ll be happier later on.

An amazing sex life is equal parts intellect and roar. As a man, you connect with her mind and then with her body. She’s most likely (hopefully) done the same thing for you. If the intellect (relative I know) or roar is missing, you’re going to expend a lot of energy trying to sustain.

That’s it for me. How about you? Are you more concerned with having someone that has it all together from the jump, or someone that’s working to get there? Would you avoid premarital sex or consider abstinence to find the right one? Or, do you think you think the bedroom needs to be explored before you start talking about shared bank accounts? And lastly and most riskily, how do you define an awesome sex life?

You’re a good person, but this is just bad,