How Soon is Too Soon?

We get questions from you, our readers. A LOT of questions. “Single Black Mail” is where we respond and let the family put in some thoughts too in the comments section. If you have a burning question, hit the “Contact Us” link at the top of the page.  SBM cares.

I have recently started dating [a] woman and I’m feeling her, she says she’s feeling me and that I treat her like a queen and [she] want[s] a real relationship after being single for a year. Now the issue is she just recently got out of a relationship like [a month ago]. We met at a party in front of her ex and began dating while they were still going out, although she claims it was over long before, but she didn’t break up with him until after we had been seeing each other for a couple of weeks. The problem I have now is that she single, she says that we are just friends even though we have known each other in a biblical sense and just wants to continue dating and not take it to the relationship level just yet. Should I continue being patient or should I end this till she figures out what she wants ?
– Ace

First, I am going to try and answer this question impartially. Let’s be real, it is usually a woman who is asking to take things to the next level and the guy in her life blocking it. So what I suggest to you, hopefully, will be just as applicable to women.
Next, I have to assume some things. I have to assume you two are a good fit. She isn’t way out of your league (she’s a model while your mom is your best friend) and that there isn’t some huge age gap (she’s 22 while you lost your virginity in the 80s). If this isn’t true, that would explain a lot. Then her hesitation could just be about you and waiting might be a waste of time.
With all of that being said, I am going to tell you something very simple. Easy advice to live by.

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Calm yourself … wait.

Ok, I lied. I would not tell a woman to do that (they get to jump to the ultimatum)!
I don’t know how long she had been dating her ex before you, but we all know there is a little mourning period after the break up, one that affects women harder than men. It’s been a month!!! It sounds like she is taking care of you (I assume “biblical sense” means she is smashing on the regular) as she mourns, so there is no reason to run.  But, while you are waiting you need to do two things:

Decide exactly what you want.

If you need a real committed relationship that is going to head towards marriage, you need to see real commitment from her. If you are in no rush to find your wife, but prefer girlfriends to cut buddies, then you need her to be serious … but not sign in blood.  If you just want some booty, you’re good. This will determine what you need to see outta her.

Make a REAL deadline

Don’t just set a date for the sake of setting a date (what 90% of people do). If you are old … then you don’t have a lot of time and you might really need to know in 2 months. If you are 21 … shhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt … you can go on comfortably beating for a year without denting your chances of finding someone in the long run..

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So, just stop it. You’re being antsy. She will need some time, and as wait as long as is reasonable. Avoid the friend zone and make sure she keeps pleasing you “biblically” and the dates happen. When things stall, drop her, but until then, just keep a solid Plan B on the back-burner.

So SBM massive, what are your thoughts? How soon is too soon to get with someone coming out of a relationship? Have you had good or bad experiences dealing with a person’s ex’es? Are you just coming out of a relationship? How long do you wait before re-entering the dating game.


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