"No Barney, you're never gonna get it."

Jennifer Lopez guest starred as Anita on “How I Met Your Mother.” She played the author of a popular book. When asked to summarize her book, she responds in one word: “No.” By saying “no” consistently, Anita argues women empower themselves while making men just desire them more.

Many women believe that you can motivate and discipline men by using the word “no” effectively. While this statement might be accurate for some men, there’s a fundamental flaw within the theory. Using the word “no” to control someone is only going to work if they are desperate. Women aren’t attracted to desperate men unless they’re desperate themselves.

The men who are desperate know this is their only chance at ever getting something in life. But you know what ladies? You don’t really want this man, do you? There’s no glory in finding the only chap who would wait on your hand and knee, bark like a dog, and respond to your beck and call. None whatsoever. Therefore, the only way this situation works is once you’ve decided that you’ve given up on finding the man of your dreams, or even a man that fits your profile. This situation only works once you’re ready to settle. Settle for a man who is willing to put up with you.

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That leads me to my next point.

I told a friend the other day that saying “no” to me doesn’t make me want it more. It just makes me move on faster. If you’re going to say “no” to a guy, you better make damn sure you’re the best option that he has. Take for example this Drake lyric: “She ain’t trying to pop that sh*t for pimp okay well nevermind.” Drake puts most women on alert that trying to approach him on your terms will likely get you a response of “Interested, but not that interested.”

As much as it pains me, I have to pass.

Other women don’t know when to stop saying “no.” For the average fellow who sits in the middle of the spectrum of desperation, he’s willing to try and wait it out for a while. However, if you keep saying “No, you’re never gonna get it, never ever gonna get it, my lovin’,” he’ll quickly lose interest and walk away. This leaves the woman sitting in a room trying to understand the man’s logic. Yes, she had always planned on giving it to the man, but she didn’t want him to lose interest after she did. She held out for too long and he made his next move his best move. If you don’t show a man the finish line, he’ll eventually stop racing.

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This post started out because I was explaining to a friend how I have never really been motivated by someone telling me “no.” I don’t really have problems with rejection. To me, rejection is a timesaver. I didn’t want to come across conceited, but it goes back to everything I believe about being a man. A man has to believe that he can do whatever he puts his mind to, and that’s the only way life will work. He has to believe that the world is his playground. When a woman tells him “no,” he’s got to think that something must be wrong with her. He’s also got to have it in his head that he can still go find the woman of his dreams. There’s plenty of fish in the sea; I’m one of the men that recognizes that. I think that I’m pretty awesome and dope. If she doesn’t like me, I’ll be okay. It’s certainly not the end of the world.

– Dr. J