Every year Hot97’s Summer Jam concert has great moments and equal parts controversy. This year was no different. Hip-Hop artist Nicki Minaj, who was the headliner of the event, pulled out after Hot97 morning show host Peter Rosenberg made some derogatory comments about her music AT Summer Jam!

This caused a firestorm of debate on Twitter, Facebook, and your favorite blogs. It became even more incendiary when FunkMaster Flex went on one of his epic rants claiming that he was going to “ruin a career”. Well this was squashed quick, as Flex and Nicki got on the radio the next night to address the issues.

While the interview contained the same rhetoric, backpedaling, and ample shots of a typical Flex interview, it served as a public example of how men and women act during an argument. It also reminded me of the different tactics used when people argue to win the debate rather than resolve the conflict. We all do this naturally with friends, colleagues, loved ones, and family. Here are a few examples that demonstrate exactly what I’m talking about:

Women: The Gender Card

This card is the big joker or, if you had a deprived spadeless childhood, the king of all stances to take. Nicki used this in her argument when she essentially said that as the only woman on the Summer jam bill and the only woman currently reppin’ crazy in hip hop, that Rosenberg or anyone else should’ve taken that into consideration before dissing her.

Now, if we are going to discuss the timing of the comments, that’s one thing, but the issue had nothing to do with her being a woman! Women will revert to this crutch of a talking point so that a man will be less adamant about his feelings and let the guilt of being sexist seep into the conversation. This may cause a man to chill or talk in a more open tone, even if he is 100% right! Phrases such as “I can’t believe you would say this to a woman!” or “Would you say to your mother?!” come to mind when i think of the female gender card play This is a calculated chess move that few can spot until it’s too late.

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Men: The Gender Card

Men also use the gender card, but in a more blunt manner. If we get offended or frustrated in an argument, we will never hesitate to remind a woman of our gender and the duties associated with said gender. Remember when Martin would always proclaim “I’m a man, Gina!” whenever they had a disagreement? He knew that being strong and assertive is a trait that women love and hate about men. They hate that men can be so stubborn and unwavering in their convictions, yet a man who is firm and can put them in their place has a clear path to the box. Men use this to their advantage and will assert themselves enough to the point of disrupting her defenses and gaining the upper hand in an argument.

Women: Sensory Overload

Women know that men are genetically programmed to tune them out effortlessly. They know that men may hear 100% of your “how was my day” rant, but probably only listen to 60% and ad lib the remaining 40% based on a cross reference between previous cool stories told and expected outcomes of events. When a man locks in on a point for which a woman has no counterpoint, she will bring up a detail about a story and expound like a Rhodes Scholar. She will give you a bunch of unnecessary details about an event that has nothing to do with the prices of tea in China. And before you know it: Poof! There goes your argument. Fellas, avoid trips down the rabbit hole at all costs!

Men: The OK Maneuver

What’s the best way to send a woman completely bat shit? Have her bloviate about the hundred things she found wrong with you during a given situation. Let her elocute profusely. When her diatribe has ceased, and she pauses on the phone awaiting an affirmation of your transgressions and a remorseful and apologetic tone, simply utilize the OK maneuver. A simple “OK” followed by deafening silence or blankest of stares will send her into a rage that would make Bruce Banner blush. What you sacrifice in possible bodily harm and/or damaged ear drum, you gain in a distraction which can allow you to get the upper hand in the argument.

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Women: Emotions

When all else fails, women will resort to an overflow of emotional reactions. They will cry tears of strategy and attempt to break down the Walls of Jericho that surround your heart. As you hear the gentle cracking of her voice as she proclaims her frustration with the situation, saying “All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles… but I ain’t never thought I’d have to fight in my own house!”, men will have to fight all urges to vacate their inner thug. Even Samuel L. Jackson couldn’t curse out a woman who uses her emotions to her advantage. Now, I’m pretty sure some ladies reading this article will tell me that it’s human nature for women to be emotional. It’s in a woman’s DNA to be the more caring of the species. Women are highly evolved and are not afraid to express themselves and shed some tears in the name of a good cry. I applaud you. But as the poet Shawn Corey Carter, once said, “I see right through you Judas!” A woman who wants to put her 6 in Louboutin heel in the ass of a good argument will use whatever resources she can procure in order to be victorious. Emotions are the final frontier of winning the argument war. It can be won or lost with this tactic, but women will go for broke to turn the tide. At the very least, they’ll have the man feeling like sh*t for making them cry or express emotion.

Hell Yes I deserve an apology!

Men: The Unwarranted Apology

No matter how wrong a man might be in an argument, he will ask for an apology. Women will look at you crazily, because frankly, if you were at fault you don’t deserve one! However, this tactic serves multiple purposes:

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If you are at fault: You are planting one last seed of doubt in the woman’s mind. Maybe she did get disrespectful during the argument. Maybe she did take things the wrong way. Maybe you really didn’t know no f*cking Kyana. This apology move is a psychological investment in future conversations. You may have lost the battle, but the war continues!

You also may use the apology move as a last ditch effort at assertiveness. You want her to apologize for puttin you through a BS conversation that was your fault when you could’ve solved it in 2 minutes by saying “my fault” and piping her down as a peace offering. Makes sense to me!

If you are not at fault: This is the victory lap portion of the debate where you dribble out the clock and give her dap for a great fight although you were victorious by a double digit margin.

Men wear the unwarranted apology like a badge of honor. If you are a real dude, you get one. According to Twitter, if you have a big d*ck, you’ll receive an apology, followed by some exquisite fellatio.

Whenever people have any type of conflict, the goal when speaking should be to resolve the issue. When emotions and egos are involved, debates can turn into competitive arguments, where the goal is to be proven right. This leads to unnecessary name calling, pettiness, and an unwillingness to listen to one another. We are human and it can happen easily. Recognizing these flaws and learning how to negotiate and debate can help immensely.

What are some of the other argument tactics that men and women use? When do you know a conversation has turned from productive talk to a full blown argument? What’s more thrilling: solving a problem or knowing you won the war? Why/Why Not? You can be honest.