This guy is an idiot.

One of the things I love the most about my job is that it’s a pretty diverse crowd. When we’re in the office we’re always sharing with each other a little bit of our cultures. As Black people, we keep some things private and we share others. We’ll never tell you where the church dinner spot is around the corner, but we might tell you where you can get some good crabs. Over the last year, this new phrase, “you not bout that life” has spawned into a movement. I was called into a meeting recently and I decided to announce to my coworkers, “I’m not going to that. I got work to do.” My coworker shot back at me, “You not bout that life.” A few of my non-Black coworkers looked around and at each other before asking, “What does that mean?” We all had a big laugh and then I went to the meeting when the big boss came by to ask if we were going to the meeting. I was actually “not bout that life.”

Anyway, the majority of us swear to be “bout that life” but rarely are we “bout that life.” It’s Friday and we always need a good laugh on Friday along with a fresh mix from Carver The Great. I jotted down twenty signs that “you not bout that life” and Carv blessed us with another mix to make it through the final day of the work week.

There have been technical difficulties, but if you’d like to check out the mix… click here. It’s called, “The 2 Train” and it’s awesome. Next week we’ll have it all figured out.

Twenty Signs That “You Not ‘Bout That Life”

1. You can’t ___ because of your “situation.”

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2. People always ask you, “Did you really say that?” and you say, “No, but I was about to…”

3. You take to Twitter to rant about your relationship problems. In “real life,” you’re in the kitchen fetching a beer for the person you’re ranting about as he watches the game.

4. Your coworkers constantly make racially insensitive comments. You laugh it off so not to cause any tension.

5. “Your man’s got murked, but you squashed that.” – Rick Ross. Nobody should go around looking for a fight, but if a close friend of yours is assaulted and you idly stand by, you’re suspect.

6. You have a pair of black heels, red paint and high-gloss varnish in your shopping bag.

7. You were about to say something but “it wasn’t worth it.”

“Champagne costs $250?!”

8. You have to work out a layaway arrangement with the club owner after popping bottles.

9. Everytime you get your tab, you do a line item review to dispute charges.

10. You tell people at the gym, “I’m not trying to get too big.”

11. Your manager constantly insults you. You change your Facebook status to, “If my manager insults me again, I will be assaulting him” and go back to work.

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12. You say, “YOLO” … like a lot.

13. You’re always tweeting about doing “fly ish,” but you have over 150K tweets since joining Twitter in early 2010. Seriously, how did you have time to tweet all that and live a life?

14. You actually take the lyrics to your favorite rap song to heart. Keep it real, you’ve known all those people with you right now for years.

15. You told your homegirl your man bought you a Herve Leger dress… but you bought it yourself at American Apparel.

16. You got your latest whip using your job as your credit.

17. You recently had to conclude that you can’t party like you used to party after being in bed until 7PM the day after.

18. Your phone has been broken for weeks because you’re waiting for your phone insurance to kick in so you can report it stolen.

19. Your Facebook status is, “I’m on my grind!” … but you work at Dollar Tree.

20. You’re Obama’s biggest fan but you know you have to be at work at 8AM, ending any chance that you’ll actually be voting for him.

It’s Friday. Feel free to add any that I’ve missed in the comments below. Party responsibly, or enjoy your weekend in whatever way you choose. See you next week.

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– Dr. J