I still remember the first time I heard one of Trey Songz’ latest tracks, Sex Ain’t Better than Love. It was the same satellite enabled rental car road trip that I heard Frank Ocean’s Thinking About You, which I wrote about here. I heard Sex Ain’t Better Than Love on that trip at least four different times, and on everything I love I swear I thought the lyrics were, “Sex is better than love.” I would continue singing the song incorrectly until I finally heard a DJ correctly announce the song. With my newfound clarity, I had even greater appreciation for the song I had been singing wrong for the past few months. Recently, at the encouragement of friends, I finally watched the video, which catches us up to present day and this very post.

For the sake of today’s post, I’m going to ignore the hypocritical nature of the artist, Trey Songz, who has undoubtedly inspired more one night stand sex than love in his music career. That is beside the point. This is a good song and a well-done video.

I like the video because it juxtaposes how much a person’s life can change based off a single decision; in this case, choosing to approach the woman on the right instead of the woman on the left. No one wants to admit it, but for a number of men this is the difference between meeting a random woman and meeting his wife – talking to the girl on the left or talking to the girl on the right (e.g. you or your homegirl that you don’t really trust or like that much, but she’s always available to go out, so you go out with her anyway and tolerate her company, only for her ungrateful ass to steal the one guy you had your eye on all night). If things are allegedly this random, then how can anyone have any real control over the successful pursuit of Love? That answer is two fold.

I been out here in these streets and I done learned
Every girl I gave my lovin to
Was only a substitute
I been out here in these streets and I done learned
Even though she’s in my arms
This ain’t where my heart belongs
Sex in the air, no love in here
Soon as I get through, I’m outta there
And it feels so bad, but it felt so good
Wishin I could care, girl I never could…

Fellas, we’re not completely without fault. While we all make mistakes, most men know when they see two women standing together which woman is most likely to be, to put it nicely, “friendly.” If you want a friendly woman for the night, that’s fine. However, you can’t be that guy that complains “there are no good women” when you consistently choose to approach the friend with her lovely lady humps hanging out the bottom and top halves of her dress as she barely manages to stand upright atop her 6-inch clear heels. Come on, bro. You know what life she’s about. This isn’t to say every woman dressed like a [garden tool] is, in fact, a [garden tool], but she does have on a [garden tools] costume, so chances are…

See Also:  The One Thing She Really Wanted

I’m not here to judge. If one-night stands and simple conquest with equally simple-minded women is your thing, do you, prosper, and flourish, my boy. I just don’t want to hear you complaining about the lack of depth you find in your relationships when you have demonstrated you habitually approach shallow women. Moreover, you may have to accept that short-term conquests don’t always equate to long term victories. You may have won the fight – finding a woman for the night – but you might have simultaneously lost the war – by passing up the woman you could have been with for life. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t easy. But, let’s be honest with ourselves fellas: We might not always know where a relationship is going, but we almost always know where it’s not going.

Look, I’m a man. I know that for the average guy – and I’m including myself in this description – having a beautiful woman randomly throw herself at you is as unexpected as it is exhilarating. This is why it’s up to you to know what you want before you’re confronted with temptation and the wrong head takes over. In the video, you’ll notice the woman in the red’s conversation appears to revolve around how quickly she can get Trey out of the party. Many men have or will face a conversation like this and rather than take the easy route, possibly literally, you may have to take a step back if you’re looking for something more substantial in your life.

See Also:  No Good Deed Movie Review: 11 Things to Discuss About This Black Thriller

We all know the odds. Relationships that start fast usually end fast. Besides, if you’re searching for forever, what’s the rush? Maybe you claim to be looking for forever, but keep settling for instant gratification without investment. If so, maybe you need to take some time away from the game. Take a step back and honestly determine why you keep rotating through the same types of women in the same 90-day rotations, no Joe Budden. Is this really a path you can (or want to) keep on or are you simply enjoying the immediate spoils without thinking of the long-term consequences? Based on your answers to these questions, act accordingly and most importantly, take personal accountability for the results of your actions.