Preface: This post will be one of those posts where someone responds with, “Well, why don’t you just stop blogging then?” Which is yet another example of how being a blogger can screw up your private life; you can’t even get a good rant in every now and then. Also, most of this stuff is all regulated to dating and relationship bloggers.

Inevitably, every blogger who’s serious about blogging or writing will quickly find out that you’re going to be extremely busy in order to be successful. Whether you’re writing or attending events, it’s going to complicate your life until it becomes your full-time gig and even then self-promotion and branding is a lot of work. The second you’re not promoting yourself, someone else is promoting themselves. For all intents and purposes, saturation is the name of the game.

Let me go ahead and leave a personal note here; let’s say you want to have a private life with all this going on. Here’s what doesn’t really work well; trying to maintain a full-time job that pays the bills, write and promote a blog, and then a bunch of random ratchets, females, or women in your life. When I was younger, I contemplated just remaining single until I got to where I wanted to be in life because it would allow me to focus. That plan was stupid as hell. Maybe it’s just me, but keeping up with more than one woman is tough and when the drama comes, because it will come, that’s just a big headache. Essentially, what you realize is that you just need “a friend,” just one or none.

When trying to find this “friend,” I have a short list of requirements:

  1. Don’t stress me out.
  2. When you get angry, don’t do nothing where I might have to move or talk a whole bunch about it.
  3. Don’t ask me a whole bunch of questions you could probably figure out the answer to on your own, that’s if you don’t already know the answer. Example, “How come we don’t go nowhere?” The answer is, “Because we actually do, we just don’t go as many places as YOU want to go, because, I’M BUSY!” Matter fact, just don’t ask me a whole bunch of questions.
  4. At times, be able to spend time together, but not be talking, so I can write or read. In addition to not talking, don’t make a whole lot of noise, turn the TV down, don’t invade my personal space, and my personal pet peeve, do not tuck your feet under my leg. I am aware your feet are cold, but it’s almost as annoying as me sticking a wet finger in your ear and leaving it there because it entertains me.
  5. Don’t stress me out.
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That’s really it, that’s all I really need to be a happy man. Most men feel this way too. Most women think they can do this… and over half of y’all are single and never been married, trust me it ain’t all that easy. Now if I should so happen to find all of this in a woman…

That’s when the hard part starts… Everything is great between the two of you, and everything would be just fine if it would just remain the two of you. Trust me when I tell you, when you’re a blogger with a need to be in the spotlight to increase your hustle, it’s never just you two. The title of this blog is, The 5 Ways Being a Blogger Can Screw Up Your Private Life, and this is why.

1.  Do you or do you not have to disclose your relationship status to your readers, fans, followers or whatever you call the people (mainly women) who support you?

My relationship status on Facebook has been ‘In a Relationship’ since 2004. I never changed it and I probably never will. The good thing about this is that it’s only a few people who can see my relationship status. The only reason why I won’t change it is because I don’t trust my news feed and people always act crazy with relationship status updates. I am aware that this may cause some problems in my relationship because my significant other doesn’t want me garnering, intentionally or unintentionally, any of the wrong type of attention. As it pertains to twitter and actually posting here on the blog if I am or am not, probably not. I don’t think it’s necessary and it just opens up the door for people to be in your business.

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2.  Everybody wants real advice from bloggers about relationships. They want you to give them advice based on your real life experiences. What if I don’t really want anyone in my business but the two people who are actually in the business?

This is something that you guys really have to know about me, I don’t ever really talk about my current situation on this blog. I’d love to tell you why I feel the way I do about a lot of topics and issues that arise in relationships, but I don’t want to put my situation out here because it’s not just me. As readers, you really want that information, but when you honestly think about it, it’s not fair at all to me or my situation.

3.  Chicks be tripping, dawg.

Women will know that you have a girlfriend and still do whatever they want anyway. It’s mothers out here telling their daughters that if you want something you have to take it. It’s women out here who believe that they outnumber men to the point that they may need to take someone else’s. If neither of those apply to her, just remember, some women are just flat out crazy.

4.  You have to work exceptionally hard to have time to yourself.

When you’re out and about and see a reader or a follower, they have a tendency to want to talk to you. They definitely mean well, but when you’re on date night or just trying to grab a few drinks with the lady, it can be overwhelming. You’ll find yourself searching for places completely off the map so that you know you won’t be interrupted or disturbed. And really, it’s all about that look that your lady gives you when someone interrupts you, because in her mind, you have control over the people you bump into at random.

5.  There is a big difference between you, the blogger, and you, the boyfriend.

Those of you who have met me outside of the blog and had the “this is difference between what it is on that blog and what I really think” conversation have some sort of an idea. If not, this is basically what I look for in a healthy relationship; I like my relationship to be a refuge and escape from work and the persona that is Dr. J. For that very reason, I would probably never date someone who knows me as, Dr. J or is real heavy in the blog circle. I love you all dearly, but I need to get away from it. As a blogger, Dr. J is spontaneous, provoking, instigating, subscribes to a whole bunch of rules and games in the dating game, and a whole bunch of other stuff that inspires conversation on the Internet. I’m actually not really like that offline. I’m by no means boring, but I’m calm, collected, I like communicating clearly and without having to be forced, and I don’t believe in any set of rules about dating. Each situation is different and each one deserves a custom approach. The main takeaway without getting into much more detail about it is that Dr. J and Jay are different, as they should be.

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And when you’re balancing all that’s going on in your personal life with your professional life, at times, you’d much rather be drinking Ciroc… straight. I could elect to just not date, but that’s really not a viable option for me. I enjoy the benefits of dating; companionship, good conversation, somebody to do fun things with, long walks on the street (hopefully a beach one day), and sex in between uploading drafts to WordPress. Of course it sucks, it’s a pain point that this blog affects my private life, but it’s a casualty of war. I was sitting a blogger meet up a few months ago and a young lady said to me, “Your dating life must be great, you’ve got women basically throwing themselves at you.” I looked away and thought to myself, “You really have no clue how untrue that is…” Most days this is how I feel…

– Dr. J