how men become jaded

Click here for part 1 and here for part 2.

Fast forward to the end of the summer. Classes are done and I’d gotten to the point where I didn’t fall apart when I saw my Stacey eating lunch during class with Steve. Not only did it hurt, it was embarrassing because everyone knew we were together and thought that she was with Steve before me. Now she was spending all her time with him again and throwing it in my face. I told myself “F*ck it, she doesn’t deserve you.”

One of my closest friends in Nashville was Patricia. I’ve known Patricia since I was 16. We went to undergrad together (had the same exact class schedule all four years in college) and were in the same graduate laboratory. She saw I was going through the blues and invited me to this outdoor John Legend/Lyfe Jennings concert with some of her friends. One of these friends was a girl named Adriana whom I always thought was cute. Once we were inside the gates, I had to use the bathroom so I went to the port-a-potty. As I was coming out, I got a text from Patricia: “Just a heads up, I ran into Stacey and she’s here with Steve.”

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This is one of the reasons I love Patricia. Without the possibility of being caught off guard, I walked up to the group I was with and noticed Stacey and Steve standing together nearby. I ambled over, dapped Steve up and told him “congrats.” Then I went about my business.

Of course that night I got a text that said: “So you just gonna ignore me when you saw me today and then disrespect me while telling Steve ‘good luck?’ what type of shit was that?” I’ve never curved a chick so hard in my life.  I basically told myself that they deserved each other and I could do much better (what I actually said was a lot more harsh).

Fast forward a couple of weeks.

Since I was single and free to mingle, I set my sights on Adriana. I asked her out on a date and to my delight she accepted. It was really low key. We chilled out at her apartment and then went to see a movie. In the middle of it, my phone buzzed and I looked and saw it was a text from Stacey. “Hey what are you up to?” Against my better judgment and etiquette, I answered the text. “I’m on a date.” to which I got the response “Oh ok. Well hit me up when you’re done.”

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I texted Stacey after I dropped Adriana off at home. “Can you come over? I have some things I want to talk to you about.” Once again, against my better judgment I went to her apartment. She started off our conversation by apologizing for hurting and embarrassing me the way she did. She said she loved me just as much and was scared of where her feelings were taking her (only hindsight allowed me to see that was truly game). She said that things with Steve were just surface so she didn’t have to worry about being venerable although that’s exactly where I was. I believed every word she said because truthfully I still loved her. We picked right back up that night like we never missed a beat. I just played Adriana to the left and once again hindsight let me know that the way I played that situation with her was really messed up.

To be continued…