Where is your personal responsibility?
What got me thinking about this was an article in The Washington Post about abortion. This isn’t the place for a discourse about what side of the abortion debate we fall on. As with everything else in life, it’s a multi-layered answer. However, what struck me in the article was a seemingly innocuous quote and caption from and about a young lady who was entering a clinic to have one.
A protester outside the clinic approached the woman and told her, “your baby is beautiful,” to which she simply replied, “I already have four babies at home.” In the caption under a picture of her information, it noted that she’s having her second abortion. Now, the background reasons for her having the abortions aren’t given. Perhaps the reasons are medical or life-threatening. Without any frame of reference though, how many of us would assume she’s out here practicing free love, and thus being a drain on our tax dollars? And to be fair, the stories of Travis Henry, Antonio “No Glove, Much Love” Cromartie, and Shawty Lo fall into this as well.
This leads to the larger point. Society as a whole is acting like our decisions and actions don’t have consequences. The reasons for this thinking are layered, but I’d venture to say the overall mind-frame started a few generations back.
Many Meemaws and Pawpaws of the the early to mid-20th century trained their kids in how to be responsible for themselves, and their communities. When these lessons began to wane toward the latter part of the 20th century, so did accountability. The standards that used to be assumed weren’t in effect anymore, and the downward spiral we find ourselves in began. I could make the argument that the breakdown of the traditional familial structure was happening at the same time. But, that argument is also for another day; except maybe it’s not.
It’s been said that “men want a woman to respect them, and women want a man to love them.” If we take this statement as fact, then there is no respect because men aren’t around to teach it, but I digress. However, respect for ourselves has waned.
We’ve become a nation under God where people want to “do them” without the repercussions that come with it. When the repercussions do come, then we want to act like we’re above dealing with them.
As yet another saying goes though, “everybody has to pay the piper.” Those who take the chance to own up to what they’ve done usually end up better than those who consistently choose to not do so. There’s another component to the personal responsibility equation. It’s the people who enable.
It seems that those who have the most problems with responsibility also have issues with people holding them accountable. If people in their lives aren’t willing to “check” them, then who will? Let me answer. Depending on what the issue is, society will. The government will. People who have no ***** to give about them will rectify their issue for them, and without love. Folks want to flex their muscles of individuality with no push-back, but that isn’t how life works.
It all boils down to a couple of questions.
1) Are we willing to step up and be the men and women we profess to be?
2) Are we willing to be held accountable for where we fall short?
Both questions are hard to answer because we have to take an honest look at ourselves, which is hard to do. But without doing so, we won’t be able to move forward in our personal development. And without greater personal development, we’ll continue to shirk personal responsibility.
DarrkGable
Personal responsibility is no fun, too hard, and not even encouraged. Not to mention, people have no shame. When I was growing up, my job was to be a representative of the people with my last name. Were I to flunk out of school get knocked up, I would have been ashamed of being a disappointment. Now? A kid flunk out or get pregnant? They have a parent (usually a mother), looking for others to blame.
With regard to abortion specifically, nobody really has to have one if they decide before hand that they don't want to do so. How? Welp, the leading cause of pregnancy is still unprotected chex. If you choose to not get pregnant or get someone pregnant, you have sooo many options. But instead of options, people choose excuses as to why they couldn't take precautions up front.
Every action has consequences. Sometimes those consequences are good, other times bad. Most people lack the basic critical thinking skills to consider the good AND bad outcomes of their actions.
^^Wow. Very well said.
100.
+1000
"When I was growing up, my job was to be a representative of the people with my last name. Were I to flunk out of school get knocked up, I would have been ashamed of being a disappointment. Now? A kid flunk out or get pregnant? They have a parent (usually a mother), looking for others to blame. "<—– The parents of today are just as shameless as the children.
Now I don't have to make a comment. Well said.
Hit the nail on the head perfectly.
IF people could take the moral and holier-than-thou out of the debate for a brief moment many would be able to look at the other nuances and facts:
*not everyone has the support of Family nowadays, and people are not well-off or savvy like the Dugars (with 20+kids), nor are they celebs like Shawty Lo or former Jon and Kate +8 Kids.
*Society looks down on the Octomoms and "regular" (mainly Black and Brown) people of the world who have many kids and can barely take care of Themselvs let alone Innocents whose only crime is being conceived and born into the world
For many [women] an Abortion IS their way of Personal Responsibiliy, to themselves and the rest of us who criticize and condemn. Abortions affect the Firends, Relatives, and even the Men who Knock them up in ways that a lot do not stop to think long and hard about. It may not Instant or a few days latar, but it Does and Will like an Epiphany or Moment of Clarity.
True, but before you get to the abortion, there are many contraceptives the women and MEN can use to stop these from happening. Many times people don’t do that. That’s were personal responsibility comes into play, saying “listen I screwed up, now I’m fixing it” (unless it was rape that’s a different story). That woman had 4 kids and 1 abortion; she clearly knows how babies get on this earth. Now I don’t know that ladies financial history, but if she’s going into an abortion clinic (a planned parent hood) then I’m sure that same clinic can provide her with contraceptives.
I personally don’t care who gets an abortion or not, do what you need to do, just understand that you put yourself in that situation and accept it, that way you can avoid it next time.
For me, it's not about looking down on people or questioning their morality. It's expecting people to have common sense and to be practical. Don't want more kids? Use a birth control method. Preferably a dual method. That's personal responsibility. If that all fails, abortion is an available option that women have a right to have. However, abortions aren't birth control. They're a last resort.
"However, abortions aren't birth control. They're a last resort."
PLEASE say this again for the 50th time offenders in the back of the line who can't hear you and actually think abortion IS a birth control method.
Smh…
Let’s take the morality out of it then. There is still the need for personal responsibility, and accountability. The fact that it is so lacking is symptomatic of what ails society. I feel ya about the support system, but somebody has to acknowledge, that 4\5 kid is cute, and didn’t ask to be here, but if I, or YOU have to provide for that little one but I can’t get assistance and I need it? Yes, that’s a problem.
Also, Octomom is a bad example, IMO. She knew she couldn’t afford the 6 she had, then had 8 more?! Perfect example of one who lack accountability.
You're perfectly right, but "here in Amurrikah, we aren't savages like the Chinese and Japanese and their Limited Child Policy" (in my Redneck Voice). That policy made the entire population think long and hard about reproducing so much and so fast. Now they are ENCOURAGING More Sex so they can get more Women and more People; Ironic isn't it?
Granted that is, and I forgot about that. However, China has a mostly booming economy and Japan goes through this from time to time. Plus, those countries aren’t here. We wonder why society sucks in this country. Everyone wants to do them, without dealing with the consequences. Overall, the individual rules in this country, not the greater good.
Have you all seen the video of the *quote fingers* lady who was tasered in front of her children?! BEST FALL EVER!!!! LOL!
Yeah, well…she should read this article…her, her friend, and the children's father. That way, they can understand why they were thrown out of the mall and homegirl was tasered. You're gonna act like money butts and think NOTHING is every gonna happen to you?! Nobody will ever nor do they have the right to check you?! Really?! Actions have repercussions. And those precious children of hers? I'm sure they'll grow to be lovely repercussions of her mothering skills that society at large will have to deal with.
Awesome.
"Society as a whole is acting like our decisions and actions don’t have consequences." – Indeed.
Just saw it. And if they went back the next day (as is rumored the father did), I hope he got arrested. I was pleased that the guard was taping the whole thing from his point of view. This way, there doesn't have to be any question about whether or not the women were out of control.
What trips me out is that men (old boys) keep laying down with these types of women, having kids with them, and defending their behavior. I wont even get into the kids screaming at the security guard that he was gay. When did it become acceptable for kids to get in grown-folks' business?
People have lost the point of personal responsibility. While it can be used to shame, it can also be used to remind people of just how much control they have over their own lives and choices.
I don't know. Lack of personal responsibility has been around since the beginning of time, when Adam told God, "that woman you put here with me gave me some fruit and I ate it." I mean you know if that's what you believe. Heh. I'm not saying it's right. Just saying that it's human nature. I think it's easy for personal responsibility takers to shun the others because we know like Ms Smart said above that it was a hard and no fun road to walk down. And who wants to watch people living their lives footloose and fancy free, knowing someone else (usually us) will have to pay the bill, clean up their mess, provide them with last minute options? But such is this thing called society, right? Or else we'd be living in a utopia.
Just looking at my mother's siblings – you know when they came up in the time of good old fashion values, before the world turned to crap and you were supposed to act like you got some sense – well some of the siblings failed. Some got up and tried again. Some still have no act right and are fully grown and still come needing a few dollars for this and that. We grumble. We complain. We enable. We love them. And yet the divide continues.
Because this becomes about indulgence and self gratification. People want it now – and that is not a new concept. They don't want to wait. They don't want to hear no. That is for "children." But you can grow old and not grow up.
My recent post Single Sickness
And your right, it has been around since the beginning. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t at least consider making a change. Maybe I’m an idealist (to a point), but I still feel like if enough people get on one accord, we could see a change.
No, there's nothing wrong with being an idealist. But as a pragmatist I wonder if we are using your argument that people of the world today aren't being trained to be responsible for themselves or their community. Then a. who will train them now? b. are we willing to step up to the plate or will we just wish it were so c. if we are willing then how are we going to do it because while I do agree that too many folks walking around with no shame, I am not a fan of (soley) shaming people to act right and d. will we also be resigned to the fact that people are gosh darn individuals and sometimes, some of them won't change cause they just don't wanna.
My recent post Single Sickness
Nor am I a fan of it shaming folks into changing. We do have to be willing to get to the root of the cause of the lack of shame though.
"We’ve become a nation under God where people want to “do them” without the repercussions that come with it. When the repercussions do come, then we want to act like we’re above dealing with them"
great post. maybe it's this generation's emphasis on 'i'mma do me' 'gotta keep it 100' that folks wanna do it their way..instead of the …dareisay… 'right' way.
"It seems that those who have the most problems with responsibility also have issues with people holding them accountable."
Boom. There it is. This right here is the absolute truth. I've encountered more than my fair share of individuals who cannot coexist with accountability. Attempting to hold them accountable for anything is a fruitless mission, as they will either shut down, or get up in arms while blaming everything else for their issues. Some people cannot be helped.
On another note, it baffles me how personal accountability can be so difficult for certain people. It seems rather basic to look within to find the root of most of your own problems. Poor choices are typically the reasons for the situations we find ourselves in. The fear and unwillingness to look within and understand this as well as take ownership will only result in lessons unlearned, and continuous mistakes going forward.
For some, its easier to lay blame on anything else other than themselves. That way they can bask in the pity party that usually accompanies their woo is me sermons in life.
My recent post Reality TV: The Molly of the Millennium…and Why We’re All Sweatin’ Away Our Values