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Happy Valentine’s Day… or whatever. I’m not the biggest fan of Valentine’s Day; it’s not for any cliché reason about wanting to show my love everyday not just on one day. Or the fact that I find people to be love crazed and out their minds on February 14th every year. It’s simply because for too many years in a row, I had crappy Valentine’s Days and decided to give up on it. That’s perfectly fine for a person, like myself, to make that decision. Anything else would be the definition of crazy. I would encourage anyone who experiences crappy outcomes in situations over and over again to quit. Nonetheless, it is Valentine’s Day and for those of us who do not celebrate or care about the day all that much we’re stuck with the people who do.

Now if you’re blessed like I am to have a large group of friends, you’re going to meet a lot of couples. I have my fair share of “couple friends.” They are all aware of my feelings on the world of “couple friends.” My reason being, I think most couples are inherently disgusting. They annoy me, they bother me, they irritate me, but it’s their relationship so I can’t say anything. I stumbled across an article today that summed up my thoughts almost perfectly. This article highlights the 16 couples (well it’s actually 17) that we all know and hate. These are my favorite six:

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3. The couple that breaks up once week. These guys aren’t passive-aggressive, they’re aggressive-aggressive and they’re addicted to high-pitched drama.

6. The couple who won’t do anything without the other one. You invite her for brunch. He shows up with her. Did you want to get drunk on mimosas and talk about the latest episode of “The Bachelor” with Greg? Probably not. But there he is.

8. The couple which is obviously gunning to be a “power couple.” These two are drawn to each other because they see the obvious ambition and social-climbing capabilities of one another. They’re the first couple to split up and try and take over a room at a party, or try and manipulate the social scene they operate in. (See also: The Underwoods on “House of Cards”)

10. The couple where one is obviously more intelligent/more attractive/way nicer than the other. You can’t understand why she’s dating him, because he seems so dumb. You just don’t get what he sees in her. But hey, there they are, happy as clams, defying evolution and the general laws of the universe.

12. The couple who could both do better, but stay together because they’re afraid. Loneliness, it’s one hell of a drug, and it’s what keeps these two together, despite the creeping feeling that they should really just break up.

17. The couple whose every move is documented via their social networking profiles. These two want the entire world to know how much they love each other. All the time. All up on your Facebook wall or in your Twitter feed. Get a room.

Let me put it this way, I REALLY hate all of you #17’s today.

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You can read the rest of the list here.

Do you have “couple friends” that seem to come together as a package deal anytime you hang out? Do they sometimes annoy you with their quirks and tendencies? What are some of the types of couples you hate the most and why? I wish that movie Couples Retreat was actually a real place we could send most of you couples taking up space on Earth.

Signed,

Stupid Valentino