male relationship expert

F*ck love. I need to be a relationship expert. Where’s my corduroy jacket…

A couple weeks ago, I got an email from a PR person pushing another relationship expert. I should’ve known when I looked at the janky subject line that I was in for some comedy:

“Press Release: The [Rude Dude’s] Guide To Dating (Please Post To Your Site)”

First off, you don’t tell someone you have no relationship with to just post something to their site. In general, you don’t tell someone to do something when you have no history. It’s just bad for business. But because I was humored, I opened the email to see what kinda Comic Sans nonsense awaited me. And much to my amazement, there was an ad for a relationship DVD telling women all about the many things they need to do to get a man.

Come along, and ride on up…two thousand seven.

I’m tired of these promotions. Ever since Steve Harvey put out his book, men have been clamoring for the greenbacks by capitalizing on the singledom of women who don’t know any better. And of course when I say men, I don’t mean all men. But there are enough out there attempting to take over the relationship game by spewing the random thoughts they’ve compiled in their basements, that it makes me wanna attempt field goals with kittens. I scrolled through the email and was even less impressed.

Professional photos aren’t meant to be taken with an iPhone near a bridge. They also aren’t meant to be imported into Microsoft Word and emphasized with WordArt. Credibility it does not build. Dreams it may defer. But I kept on reading despite the tweed jacket. eggplant-colored tee, and doughboy…everything. That’s what’s supposed to lure you in. That’s what’s supposed to get them your hard-earned money. And yet, I clicked on.

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I ended up on a website with relationship mixtapes. Yes, mixtapes. Like,  LPs of the proposed male-mind intricacies and what you need to do to step your game up. I even saw an ad with Word squigglies under a typo…in a jpeg. Winning.

I tell you this not because I’m in the business of slamming fledgling relationship experts. I tell you this because there’s a lot to be learned from this fad. A lot to learn about what it requires to really coach someone on what it takes to find and maintain his or her love life. There are also questions. Questions commonly discussed when it comes to the Steve’s and Tyrese’s of the world. Here are some of the most popular ones:

Should (Male) Relationship Experts Be in Relationships?

No. To speak effectively on relationships, you don’t need to be in a relationship. Life happens. Things fall apart. Feelings fade away. Even the most knowledgeable in their fields have mishaps. Success is birthed by failure. Wisdom comes out too. There’s a good chance you’ve advised a friend based on mistakes you’ve made. I think it’s fair for relationship experts to do the same. But just because you have dating experience doesn’t mean you’re an expert. It means you have an opinion. You need to go a little further for that title.

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Should (Male) Relationship Experts Be Certified?

Yes. Any field worth giving a damn about should have standards. And where there are established standards, there are usually certifications. As I said last week on BnB Radio, relationship “experts” are often certified life coaches. The most successful (and credible) have went through a rigorous curriculum and passed one or a series of exams to show they’re committed to their field and possess a certain level of knowledge.

Other that life coaching certification, you’ll find that real relationship experts are often academically credentialed. They will be Masters of Social Work, Psychology, and/or Sociology. If you want to know if someone’s for real or just for money, find out how much time they spent developing their expertise. Someone that just rolls out of bed and onto their couch before proclaiming their greatness is not an expert.

Should (Male) Relationship Experts Be Attractive?

Now this is a question I’ve went back and forth on. Women are a lot more likely to take relationship advice from {Insert Attractive Man} than {Insert Aesthetically Deficient Man}. Men seeking relationship advice may be more likely to take advice from an average dude that’s made it happen with women than a genetically enhanced lad who just needs to show up to win the game. Confidence plays its role, but I think looks — depending on the sex — play a bigger one, at least when it comes to syphoning your bank account for relationship advice.

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So, do the experts need to be attractive? No. But the greater your attractiveness, the higher your perceived credibility…unless you’re a celebrity.

Should (Male) Relationship Experts Be Directing Their Services Toward Women?


Here’s the thing; a relationship expert could spend his his or her time marketing to men, but why would you offer your supply where there’s limited demand? For the greater good of mankind? Male relationship coaches ain’t trying to be Jesus. Particularly online, where women are more active unless it involves sports, rap, beer, or models.

Relationship and life coaches want to help people, but they also wanna make money. (Show me a broke coach and I’ll show you who you don’t trust.)

You could say the same of all these other men in varying quality blazers pushing product with limited credentials. But there’s a difference:

A real relationship expert gets paid to make lives better. A false prophet gets paid to make money.

Ladies and gents, what say you on this topic of (male) relationship experts? Anything else you expect or not expect from the love oracles? Do you believe someone can even be an expert in relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments. 

slim jackson

Twitter: @slimjackson